Challenge accepted: Perfect Casts - OTTOMH

This is pretty difficult. Bear with me as I'm gonna go long as I do this off the top of my head....OTTOMH (a new list genre!). Some of these will be pretty obvious.

Champion:  (Personal favorite, most obvious, but try to prove me wrong)  What's Up, Doc?

Any movie that introduced Madeline Kahn to the world would make this list, but as Eunice Burns? And give Barbra Streisand those lines and that hat? And then add Austin Pendleton, Kenneth Mars, Randy Quaid, and Boss Hogg, and the guy who plays Judge Maxwell, and even your head waiter, Rudy? And, uh, ahem, Ryan O'Neal?  Perfect.

Here's a list of 21(!) movies (sorry, couldn't stop), in no particular order (after 1 & 2), that I can't think of a character I'd recast:

1. Casablanca
2. Harold and Maude
3. Moonrise Kingdom
4. The Fabulous Baker Boys
5. Gosford Park
6. The Grifters
7. Anatomy of a Murder
8. Out of Sight
9. Jackie Brown
10. Tootsie
11. The Big Lebowski
12. Passion Fish
13. A Mighty Wind
14. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
15. American Splendor
16. Nine to Five
17. Notorious
18. Murder by Death
19. Jaws
20. Bull Durham
21. Ghost World
 
Looking forward to comments!

Blame Canada?

In the spirit of Boxcar's questionable list, here is my own. I found a befuddling piece of paper in the middle of several pages of notes I took at a conference in Chicago two years ago. The page contains only these words, and they are listed along the left margin in the vertical center of the page.

washroom
project
process
Dundas
serviette
expropriation
mullet

I can only guess that I was watching a Canadian speaker and making note of Canadian pronunciations and...hairstyles?

More *Parks & Recreation* Lists

Tonight's episode "Swing Vote" was full of lists, so many lists!  And other great moments. like a double thumbs up from Chris and a double thumbs up from Tom.

The lists are after the jump --- spoiler alert!

Sometimes jazz does indeed suck

Some of you like to make fun of me for listening to jazz. Sometimes I get defensive, and I say to you, "No, please listen to this. It is so good. You will like it." Sometimes I say, "Holy shit. You people are right. Jazz sucks."

To prove your point, I offer the list of what I (to date) consider the worst songs I have ever heard, or at least the worst songs I have ever heard on the XM radio station, Real Jazz (XM67).

In posting this list, I am also saying, "Please listen to these."

(Just like I begged you to eat that gross thing that one time. And listen to the whole thing! But do not listen to all three in one sitting.)

1. Farmer's Market  by King Pleasure & Annie Ross Listen!
2. You've Got to Have Freedom by Pharaoh Sanders Listen!
3. Twisted by Lambert & Hendricks & Ross  Listen!

Haha. Please note: I've had these saved on my Shazam tags, one of them for weeks. I just noticed, just now, that Ross is a repeat offender. I hate her.

The Worst Parts About Today's Training

1. It was media training.
2. Which involved mock on-camera interviews.
3. In high def.
4. In front of my coworkers and board members.
5. Though my eyes looked superblue, my lips were flesh colored, and oh-em-gee do my eyes always blink one at a time/twitch like that?
6. I said, "Bleah" and went for a do-over.
7. Which was the only time I smiled.
8. Immediate post-interview critiques!
9. While watching/pausing the playback.
10. My deodorant was not up for the challenge.

Boxcar's Top Five Remakes of All Time (LIST CHALLENGE)

So, here we are.  Yep.  This is me inspiring all of you to start making lists.  I am going to start with remakes because I realized tonight that ******** is a fucking amazing movie (let alone, remake) and it got me thinking...what if I challenged everyone to make their own top 5 list of WHATEVER GENRE you want?  Julie, I want to know your top 5 dance movies.  Austen, I want to know your top 5 movies that make you crave hot dogs.  Whatever.  Just do it.  And not in comments.  Comments are for all of you (me) to shit all over whatever I (you) say.  So without further ado, my top 5 remakes.  In order.  Yeah, that's right.

5. The Departed

Based on Infernal Affairs, The Departed truly departs from the original material and is updated brilliantly for modern (American) audiences.  Sure they made a few minor changes but overall Martin Scorsese delivered a beautiful, gritty crime drama that has yet to be rivaled in terms of acting and writing.  Well, that's not true but bare with me.


4. The Thomas Crown Affair

This isn't a perfect movie.  In fact, after watching you will be left scratching your head asking "how did he possibly steal that last painting?"  But I don't care.  It's stylish and creative and the final scene has Nina Simone singing Sinner Man.  What else can you ask for?  Oh yeah, and Rene Russo shows her tits.  You're welcome Austen.
3. Last Man Standing

What?  Am I on crack?  Answer, yes.  In truth this is not a very good movie but I had to, HAD TO, include it based on one simple fact: THIS WAS WRITTEN BY DASHIELLE HAMMETT!!!!  DAMMITT!!  The reason I am so bothered by this is the fact that Red Harvest is one of my favorite books ever written and it has been adapted several times yet nobody has given it credit.  Isn't that weird?  First of all, it was adapted as YOJIMBO.  Then it was adapted as A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS, and finally, LAST MAN STANDING.  And yes, both Yojimbo and Fistful of Dollars are better than Last Man Standing but I just wanted to have a voice, dammit.  Besides, it's a really fun movie with a lot of shooting so it remains #3.
2. 3:10 to Yuma

This movie is fucking awesome.  I'm not saying it's the best western ever made (although it just may make my top 5) and I'm not saying it's the best action movie, but it's DEFINITELY the 2nd best remake ever made.  If you want to know why, watch the original.  If you can stay awake.  I did stay awake and I even saw it before the remake but this was INCREDIBLY well done.  My only complaint (and the more I think about it the more I don't think it's a complaint) is that Russell Crowe and Christian Bale could have switched parts and made it maybe better.  So good.
1. Ocean's 11

This is a great fucking movie.  A great buddy movie.  A great heist movie.  A great comedy.  A great action movie.  But what REALLY makes it great is that it is LIGHT YEARS better than the original.  I have seen the original.  For real.  And I really really liked it.  I especially like the ending.  But as far as comparing originals to remakes this one takes the cake.  And it doesn't hurt that it's the best casted movie I've ever seen (uh oh, did I just make Porn Jenkins start his list?).

The only characters in "Top of the Lake" that I might want to spend more than 5 minutes with are

1. Caroline Platt
2. Little Shane 

 Please note that Little Shane is only included to make this a list rather than just a sentence.

Commercials That Suck

1. This piece of shit seems to play during every sporting event I watch.  If I had money I would open a chase account just to close it.

2. I have never wanted to punch a fake person more than this guy.  And all of his fake stupid friends.  And really?  They're ALL drinking corona at a fancy bar in New York on a rainy day?  And who doesn't want a tray of olives with their Corona?

3. If you haven't seen this one I apologize for introducing it to you.  But I shouldn't have to suffer alone.  Whoever came up with this idea should be dangled outside of a high window and forced to listen to this for hours.  And are we supposed to believe that the really good-looking couple rehearsed this or just coincidentally both came up with same idea to sing the same song and use the same app? I don't understand.

 4.This makes me angry because Allstate already has good funny commercials with Dennis Duffy.  So why annoy us with this crap?

5.This one makes my blood boil.  Not only because it says NOTHING about the product (other than you can snap it and dance with it) but every new dancing group of assholes is worst than the last.

Movie titles/ Character names?

While flipping through my notebook today as I get ready to write I came across this little gem I must have written two years ago or so.  I do not remember it at all.  Good thing I wrote it down:

White

White

Black

Blue

Benton           Hard boiled

Love

French Kiss

Mann

Gray

Brown

And then came

Winter             Fredric?

                 The Long Winter

                 Winter’s Chase

Hard Winter

Somer

Summer

Boss's Password Post-It

Went drop something off on her desk. Couldn't help but notice.

• jetset
• fabulous
• fabulous01
• powerlady
• powerbroker
• happylife
• moneymaker

Reasons why P. Jenks is one of my favorite people on this planet

• He makes me laugh.  And not in a "he's very funny" kind of way but he ALWAYS makes me laugh even when he's not here.  He's always in my head.  Everything I watch or listen to or see makes me think about what he would think or say and that makes me laugh.  That's rare.
• He has supported me and everyone else in everything I/they do.  That's not to mean that others don't, just that he has.  I can't speak for him publicly but as far as I know he has always supported me in my pursuit of writing and considering how smart he is I take that as high compliment.
• Movies are my life and he has taught me more about movies than anyone else (including myself).  As many of you know I have a horrible memory yet I can vividly recall almost every movie outing we have done together including random movies on cable hungover and his insight has always made me smarter. 
• And speaking of smarter, he is the smartest person I know.  I am constantly amazed at his trivial knowledge but more importantly, his recent (past 10 years or so) open-mindedness has propelled him into a new level of intelligence that is unparalleled.  And he read one of my scripts before I woke up and gave me incredible insight (considering it took me ten years to write I found that impressive).
• He has great taste.  I guess that's a personal opinion but I think anyone reading can agree that P. Jenks has probably lent more to the cause of "all of us being smarter and having better taste in things" than anybody else in this list.  If you disagree or are hurt by that statement I apologize.  But I like to think that I have good taste and P. Jenks is directly responsible for most of that.
• Everyone loves him.  Everyone.  I know that he, sometimes, feels like that's not true but I've never known another human being to be so likeable and understanding and funny and smart.  Personally I can't stand most people and won't waste the energy having a conversation with them but he always does and he truly sees the best in people and I am in awe of that.
• He can make the most boring afternoon memorable.
• When I think about our group (this being one of them)...he is, without question, the glue.  I guess I should have just said "he is the glue".
• Nobody else on this planet makes me feel like I'm part of something special and that life is just one giant inside joke between us.  I see it in movies (poorly done) and tv shows but with P. Jenks, it's real. And I think he has that with a lot of people and normally I would be jealous but that just makes me love him that much more.
• When we first started getting to know each other I went to the grocery store with him because he had to go re-buy all of his groceries (because he accidentally left without them and instead of just going back and admitting it he chose to re-pay for everything).  I have never forgotten that and it has become a fond memory.
• He is, most likely, not happy that I mentioned the above incident.  Fitting.  Yet I'm pretty sure everyone in this group either knows about it or can see it happening.
• When he came to visit me in California he made an impact on all of my friends and, more importantly, made me feel better about living here with one sentence.  One sentence.  That's impressive.
• He loves his family more than anything else in the world.
• When we first met and became besties I never thought I would be able to bring all of my friends together (Jim, Ryan, etc) but he made it happen.  Again.  Glue.
• He makes me want to read more.
• He has eyes in the back of his head.
• Someday I think he will get to live out his dream of producing movies.  With me.

30 days of list anything

I have hit a wall.  It's not something I'm used to.  And, by the way, it's not "writer's block", I've never had that and I don't believe it exists.  No, this is just merely I haven't written anything since Bar Olympics. So, I decided in order to get myself back into writing mode I am going to post a blog every day for the next 30 days.  Now that I got that out of the way, consider this my intro:

• I had a long week of work
• I came home and had a few drinks
• Midnight Run was on cable
• I started thinking about my list anything list of Action Comedies...
• That led me to thinking about writing again
• That led me to thinking about this blog
• That led me to thinking about how I wish I posted more often
• And here we go...

Ron Swanson's medical history

Another list from Parks and Recreation (episode "Animal Control")

Spoiler alert! .... list after the jump .....

Twitter List

Kate Rose‏@KateRoseMe

My friend found this list on an airplane. This is good stuff. pic.twitter.com/059BtYUxk8

https://twitter.com/KateRoseMe/status/320662739410378752

Movies I Watched at Home in 2013, List #1

I've decided to watch a lot of movies this year, like, you know, a project. So far, I have been pretty successful (thanks mostly to Turner Classic Movies 31 Days of Oscar). I decided I would list everything I've watched in 2013, in chronological order, with a comment or two and a meaningless grade. There are not a lot of things below B, but I figure if I even bother watching it, it's got to be starting on the right side of the curve, you know?

I won't include things like The Bourne Supremacy, My Cousin Vinny, or The Tree of Life -- all of which I've watched repeatedly in the past two months -- or other movies that I happen to catch on TV. Below is a list of movies I've watched with intent, in most cases for the first time.

• Apocalypse Now - A+; Holy shit.
• Rosemary's Baby - B+; It really made me want to watch Manhattan Murder Mystery.
• Midnight Cowboy - A; Much better than I expected. A story of a relationship over a brief period of time, which I always like. 
• Brokeback Mountain - B; Not as good as I expected. A story of a relationship over the years, which I usually don't like. 
• Bernie - B, All those brilliant townsfolk stole the show.
• Wanderlust - A-; This will be underrated forever. 
• Another Year - A-; That couple is so gracious and smug and real. And that poor woman.
• The New World - B; Everything that people hated about The Tree of Life (that I loved), I kind of hated in this movie. Wish I had seen it in a theater. 
• Carnage - B; I vote for Christoph Waltz and Kate Winslet. 
• Birdemic - A+/F; Holy shit. 
• Melvin and Howard - B+; This is one time I wish I had bothered watching a preview or read a synopsis beforehand. It was hard watching this while readjusting my screwy, unfounded expectations.
• Do the Right Thing - B+; Please stop yelling, Lil Gus Fring.
• In America - A-; omg bawling.
• Damsels in Distress - A-; Adam Brody should have won awards for this. To say nothing of Greta Gerwig. I <3 Whit Stillman so much, 4ever.
• The Savages - B; Not as good as it thinks it is, but still good. Reminded me why I originally thought PSH was a genius. 
• The Maltese Falcon - A-; I love Peter Lorre. What a weirdo.
• Casablanca - A+; It's still so good.... the set-up, the story, the characters, the duality in every one of them.
• A Nun's Story - C+; Holy moly it is so, so long. But Peter Finch is kinda sexy, and Audrey Hepburn really is a great actress. 
• The Triplets of Belleville - A; Next time Jon and I talk about movies with "Bad Ass Women"  we will have to include Madame Souza. And the triplets of Belleville for that matter. 
• Wait Until Dark - B+; Way better than it has any right to be, if you give in and roll with it. Alan Arkin is fantastic. And Audrey Hepburn really is a great actress. 
• The Night of the Iguana - A; <<APPLAUSE!!!!!>>
• Billy Budd - B; Disappointing. It was all a little too black and white. 
• Rachel, Rachel - B+; Oh, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel... 
• The Deer Hunter - A; In the first hour absolutely nothing happened and it made the rest of the movie all the more tragic. Wow.
• Wild Strawberries - A; So profound, so delightful. What a combo! 
• Days of Wine and Roses - C+; A rare instance of "exactly what I expected."  
• Auntie Mame - B; This would have been really good if it had any plot whatsoever, or character development instead of just *character!* in new situations. Actually it would have made a good season of TV. Superkudos to the art director/set designer.
• Baby Doll - A; This was the most pleasant surprise so far. I loved this movie. Carroll Baker is so sexy. Eli Wallach is so sexy, strangely. The scene on the porch swing should be talked about more. Karl Malden is so John C. Reilly. 
• The Informer - A-; Pretty effective for as over-the-top and 1935-y as it is. 
• Splendor in the Grass - D; Boo. The melodrama. Every character is a caricature. I would have liked more of her mom, who might have maybe had some nuance. Horrible.
• Alice Adams - B-; A better version of every bad girl-with-dreams movie made in my lifetime.
• The Magnificent Ambersons - B; This has been called a masterpiece but I don't get it. It is kind of a mess and really boring. Who cares about these people? Maybe as an allegory. 
• An American in Paris - C+; Oh man I love Gene Kelly. Otherwise I hate this.
• Gigi - B; Much better than An American in Paris. I now also love Louis Jordan.
• Blow Up - A-; I need to watch this like 5 more times.
• Stagecoach - A; Bravo! There are a lot of characters, and every character matters, and the interactions between each character matters. And then there are the Cavalry and the Apaches to keep things interesting if you don't care about things like characters. 
• A Place in the Sun - A-; About halfway through I was giving this an F in my head because I saw where it was going and I hated it. Then it went exactly there and I liked it anyway. Well done!  Montgomery Clift, yowza. Elizabeth Taylor, stunning, and excellent at fainting. Poor, frumpy Shelley Winters. I bet her clothes were actually in black and white.
• Mrs. Miniver - B; Super hokey but I enjoyed it. I found being beaten over the head fairly effective. But it's 2013 so oh well. 
• Kitty Foyle - D; Boring, insulting, dumb. I give it a D instead of an F only because it made me like the guy that you are supposed to hate and I am giving it the benefit of the doubt that this was cleverness on someone's part and not just a mistake. 
• She Wore a Yellow Ribbon - B; Why is Ben Johnson so good in everything? I kind of just watched the whole movie to see what awesome thing he would do next. 
• Anatomy of a Murder - A-; Panties!  This was way better than it should have been, thanks to the writing and all the actors - Jimmy Stewart, and George C Scott, and Lee Remick, and Ben Gazzara, and Murray Hamilton and sexy, awesome Eve Arden. Is she the inspiration for Joan Holloway? She has to be! 
• The Lavender Hill Mob - B+; This probably would have been a huge hit with me if I saw it in 1951.
• The Train - B; I think there were 2 A+ movies here that each got half-made and so it isn't as good as it should be. But I really liked it. Burt Lancaster deserves a special award for sliding down that ladder, getting shot on the bridge, and hammering out all those railroad ties. I thought the cinematography was A+++, from the very first shot on. 
• Ball of Fire - A-; Considering my favorite movie ever is What's Up, Doc?, it's pretty ridiculous I just now watched this. Check it out and count the homages. With that fancy word I will conclude this nonsense. 

Questionable Weekend Hugs

1. Gary
2. Joe
3. Matt

Citizens Communications

Aka my guaranteed lunch break during every city council meeting (although this means I missed a spectacular ouster of council regular RR (see below) by the Mayor two weeks ago). Here's what's on the agenda this week.

• Allen Roddy - Balcones rock cliff
• Will McLeod - 1.) Abolish Capital Metro 2.) The City of Austin is not complying with ADA 3.) Time Warner/TBD
• Jane Gonzalez-Castillo - Civil Rights case against Jimmy Clay Golf Course
• Linda Greene -  Ways to deal with the Hexafluorsilicic Acid added to our air water supply
• Paul Robbins - City Issues
• Joseph Iley - Taxi Cab issues
• Carlos León - 1.) Chemtrails continued 2.) Más truth 3.) Repent 4.) Read the Word 5.) Seek God
• Ronnie Reeferseed - Peace, freedom, fluoride and the kill-grid

New Year Shuffle

I drove back to Austin today. After my audiobook wrapped up, I decided to test my 2013 luck by selecting Shuffle on my iPod. PJenkins and Boxcar can attest to the hit-or-miss nature of my iPod (I pretty much never got rid of a CD I've ever owned, and I think I imported most of them into iTunes, which is synced to my iPod Classic, Julio). Here are the artists my iPod served up until I finally, finally skipped a song. No cheating, I promise.

• Alabama Shakes
• Rhianna
• Sting
• Willie Nelson
• Leonard Cohen
• Jack Ingram
• The Decemberists
• Beck
• Nina Simone
• Robinella & the CC String Band
• Miranda Lambert
• Jay Farrar
• The Kinks
• Ray Price
• Arlo Guthrie
• Frank Sinatra
• Sandi Patty 

Bonus list: Beverages Consumed on Said Drive

• Water, sparking, orange, LaCroix
• Water, tap in Dasani bottole
• Water, Vitamin, Zero, lemon
• Water, sparkling, lemo, Ozarka

Some Facts About Baby

• She's come a long way
• Nobody puts her in the corner
• She wanted 12 lemons for her 12-lemon centerpiece
• I'd get down on my knees for her
• She's got back
• She's got what I need (but she says he's just a friend)

Things I should do so I can be as pretty as America Ferrera

• Wear earrings
• Wear lipstick
• Maybe wear makeup in general
• Wax my eyebrows
• Make it so that when people look at my face they can tell what I am thinking
• Maybe not what I am thinking, but THAT I am thinking
• Wait, maybe that’s already true
• Ask T****** if that’s already true
• Per T******, strike the one about the face thing
• Per this web series I am watching that she is in, I should also moisturize my hands before bed, and also wear those undereye paper-mask things before bed, to make my undereyes look good
• Be eight years younger

Three words I knowingly misuse

1. Hovel—I like to use this word to mean “a messy apartment”
2. Akimbo—I like to imagine that “arms akimbo” doesn’t mean hands on hips, but rather means that someone is frantically waving his or her arms in the air
3. Pathological—I like to use this word to mean weird or contradictory behavior

I Might - ACL Fest 2012 Edition

• Have walked home tonight from Zilker Park (only after first walking the other direction for 20 minutes through the Taxi line until I decided F this S)
• Have some major blisters on my feet
• Secretly think this will cause me to wake up 20 pounds lighter
• Be naked but look like a lobster in a white tshirt
• Only want to see 2 shows tomorrow--one at 11:30 IN THE MORNING and one at 6:15 in the evening (and I saw the pm folks at SXSW a few years ago, and even though I love their new album, live = zzzzzzzzzz)
• Not go back tomorrow

Services I would pay for

• Someone to moisturize me
• Someone to remind me, when I’m at the market, that I need toilet paper or sparkling wine
• Someone to keep track of all of the projects I think up, and then remind me of some of them when I’m bored
• Someone to read my mind about what I want from all of my technologies and then program said technologies to do those things
• Someone to find me my next (and perfect) job
•  Someone to read the mind of my cat when he’s acting like insanity on legs
• Someone to wash and put away the cutleries