Sunday, August 21, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Best/Worst Things I Have Heard Recently
I found most of these in a file called "List Anything Drafts" (which is from 3+ years ago-ish and is either a gold mine or is full of stuff I've already used but don't recall. There was one list of 3 things called "Best Things I Have Said Recently," and it included this statement that I 1) do not remember saying 2) can not imagine saying: "To the guy in a the cowboy hat at the bar at Ginny's Little Longhorn: Are you just going to stare at me all night, or are you going to ask me to dance?") Anyway, here are some things I've heard. "Recently."
"I live in the neighborhood now. I just moved here 2 hours ago. Yeah, I live in the RV in Bobby's driveway."
I won't say who, or why I keep trying to get him/her to stop, but someone I know keeps using the term "tar baby" in conversation.
"Being in roller derby really taught me how to vamp."
"I'm going to let you two mingle." -- a lady I was enjoying talking to, though obviously the feeling was not mutual.
Intern: "Do you know Saxon Fox?"
Coworker1: "Hell, yeah."
Intern: "Is that a guy or a girl?"
Coworker1: "THAT. Is a Lady."
Coworker2: "That's a WOMAN!"
[laughter]
Intern: "Well, I was about to call her but didn't want to ask for Mr. or Ms. Saxon Fox..." [picks up phone] [puts phone down] "I can't do it right now."
"My children think that downtown is the place you come to see hobos, as they call them."
[YAWN] "It's about that time of day." From the night guard in my building. At 5 o'clock.
"I live in the neighborhood now. I just moved here 2 hours ago. Yeah, I live in the RV in Bobby's driveway."
I won't say who, or why I keep trying to get him/her to stop, but someone I know keeps using the term "tar baby" in conversation.
"Being in roller derby really taught me how to vamp."
"I'm going to let you two mingle." -- a lady I was enjoying talking to, though obviously the feeling was not mutual.
Intern: "Do you know Saxon Fox?"
Coworker1: "Hell, yeah."
Intern: "Is that a guy or a girl?"
Coworker1: "THAT. Is a Lady."
Coworker2: "That's a WOMAN!"
[laughter]
Intern: "Well, I was about to call her but didn't want to ask for Mr. or Ms. Saxon Fox..." [picks up phone] [puts phone down] "I can't do it right now."
"My children think that downtown is the place you come to see hobos, as they call them."
[YAWN] "It's about that time of day." From the night guard in my building. At 5 o'clock.
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