Johnny Cash's To-Do List

More *Parks & Recreation* Lists

Tonight's episode "Swing Vote" was full of lists, so many lists!  And other great moments. like a double thumbs up from Chris and a double thumbs up from Tom.

The lists are after the jump --- spoiler alert!

Things from Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire that are still burning

• China
• Television
• North Korea
• Vaccine
• Brooklyn's got a winning team (maybe) 
• Disneyland
• Trouble in the Suez
• Lebanon
• California baseball
• U2 (albeit a different one) 
• Dylan
• John Glenn
• Birth control
• Palestine
• Terror on the airline
• Ayatollah's in Iran
• Foreign debts
• Homeless Vets

It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

via kottke.org

Major Changes for Reunion

More updates from the not-my-class reunion:

Hello classmates,

I pray all is well with everyone!

Appears that after 20 years, the Class of 1992 still cannot seem to come together as a class. Unfortunately, there has not been anymore payments sent in, we still only have 21 total payments received, which is NOT nearly enough to do the reunion as planned. Therefore, I am forced to down size. 

[and then some more stuff and then a LIST of cuts, which I will paste here right now] 

Cut#1
We will NOT be having the meet/greet at the Marshall High School on Friday, June 22, 2012. 

Cut#2
There will NOT be a 5 course meal as planned on Saturday, June 23, 2012 for the main event, instead we will be catering finger foods just to have food on site for those that will be drinking (BYOB). 

Cut#3
There will NOT be any souvenirs, t-shirts will act as souvenirs for those that order them. T-shirts are $10 each. There will be a minimal amount of extras t-shirts ordered to sell at the reunion; first come, first serve, once they are gone, that's it. SO if you want to assure to get a t-shirt, you NEED to order and pay for them ahead.

Cut#4
The early bird drawing will be cut to $25 from the $75 original prize amount.

Cut#5
There will be minimal decorations but we will have a area decorated for pictures so please come dressed nice. STILL, NO TANK TOPS, FLIP FLOPS, TENNIS SHOES, NO PARK ATTIRE, COME BUSINESS CASUAL OR SEMI-FORMAL. 

[Guess what was not cut--the comedy show. is what]

Crisspoints System

Oh, Liz Lemon.

CHORES
ENTHUSIASM FOR CRISSPOINTS SYSTEM
REFERRING TO ME AS KHALEESI
SITTING ON MY FEET
FIXING THE INTERNET
ABSOLUTE SILENCE DURING "CELEBRITY APPRENTICE"
UNLOADING THE DISHWASHER
KILLING SPIDERS
TALKING TO NEIGHBORS SO I DON'T HAVE TO
GOING TO POST OFFICE
LISTENING TO ME DESCRIBE MY DREAM

REWARDS AND POINTS VALUES
DINNER OUT - 10 POINTS
VISIT BEACH - 25 POINTS
LIZ WILL WEAR SILK UNDERTRUNKS - 30 POINTS
MOVE YOUR BOAT PAINTING OUT OF CLOSET - 100 POINTS
DAYLIGHT SEX - 200 POINTS
CRISS CAN GROW JOKE MUSTACHE - 275 POINTS
FOOD SHARING - 300 POINTS

Andy & April's Runaway Plans

*mild spoiler alert*
 
Places to Live

• Germany
• Greenland
• Australia
• Moon
• Chicago
• Florida (Everglades)
• Jamaica
• Pegasus
• New Caprica
• George (Not USA the other one)
• Winterfell
• Montana
• S. Africa (D.M.B.)
• U.S.S.R. Russia
• Bermuda
• Bahama
• Key Largo
• Montego
• Cocomo
• Amazon Village
• Seattle
• Burly's House on L.Michigan

Dream Jobs - April

• Warrior/Witch
• Sub
• Dental hygienist who's also a medium

Dream Jobs - Andy

• Scientist
• Coach
• Detective
• F.B.I. Agent
• Policemen
• C.I.A. Agent
• Shoeshine Guy
• Cop

Alternatives to Intercourse

This list was on Jess' chalkboard during last night's *New Girl* episode (which is probably my favorite episode of this show, mainly thanks to Dermot Mulroney (still) being awesome and Schmidt heckling from the car in his mother's voice and Nick wearing a little ha-yat, among other reasons). Anyway, the list.

Alternatives to Intercourse
(For children, by Jess Day).

• Get to know a neighbor
• Tick/lice check
• Change your email password
• Look at pics of STDs
• Write a convict
• Meet a friend for decaf
• Watch Friday Night Lights

Things Leslie Knope Is Pro

1. Parks

2. Public Safety

3. Environmental regulation

4. Local proposition 45

5. Local proposition 86

6. Local proposition 102F

7. More Dog Parks

8. Senior Citizens Rights

9. Safe Streets

10. Safe Sidewalks

11. Better Schools

12. Lower Taxes

13. Better Parks

14. Better business climate

15. Better Better Business Bureau

16. Cleaner Streets

17. Improve greenways

18. More snow plows

19. Protecting Pawneeans

20. Improving tourism

21. More trash cans

22. Energy-efficient street lights

23. Westside Detoxification and Revitalization Project

24. Repaving Grand Avenue

25. More Teachers

26. Fewer Libraries

27. Improve intergovernmental agency communication

28. Clean-up barefoot lake

29. Passing Pawnee Jobs Bill P-129.4

30. Playgrounds in every park

31. Playgrounds in every schoolyard

32. Playgrounds in every residential block

33. Clean energy

34. One police officer for every 5 citizens

35. One park ranger for every 10,000 raccoons

36. Resodding Hilltop Cemetery

37. Start talking to Cuba again

38. Emergency evacuation drills

39. Plow For Charity

40. Forming an Ad Hoc Sub-Committee Oversight Committee

41. Challenging the norm

42. Pawnee Corn Subsidies

43. Finally Passing PR-61, formally recognizing South Korea

44. Official peace treaty with Wamapoke Tribe

45. Four-way stops at every intersection

46. Unionizing ice cream trucks

47. Get Europe out of debt

48. Free trade with Illinois

49. Enact RRP- Raccoon Relocation Project

50. Pawnee Community College tuition in exchange for 4 years of public service

51. Doubling Pawnee Hospital's emergency room nurse staff

52. Legalize Korean

53. Lower the obesity level

54. Stop global terrorism

55. Re-open the toucan exhibit at Pawnee Zoo

56. Find Gabe the Toucan

57. More community gardens

58. Ordinance 11F: To re-pave City Sidewalks

59. Budget Reform

60. Updated Technologies for Local Schools

61. Better retirement benefits for city employees

62. Edward Phillips Senior Center Remodeling

63. Speed bumps in front of elementary schools

64. Unemployment benefits

65. Re-installing the Main St. Farmers Market

66. No turtles as pets

67. New uniforms for youth sports programs

68. Free Public Wi-Fi

69. Updated childcare facilities

70. Shutting down the Child Left Behind program

71. Handicap parking placards for the obese

72. FREE PARKING EVERYWHERE

73. Cleaner drinking water

74. Regulate heights of trampolines

75. Memorial for those lost in the trampoline "incident"

76. Control the floods

77. Funding for public art commission

78. Fencing in correctional facilities

79. New police patrol cars

80. Funding overtime for police

81. Rebuilding the PTA

82. Prosecuting former PTA president Linda Trifle

83. Profitable government organizations

84. Shutting down underground shooting ranges

85. Making sure city contracts employ local workers

86. Providing more economic development grants and micro-loans to small businesses

87. Foster partnerships with sister cities

88. More buses to speed up morning commutes

89. More streets to accommodate additional buses

90. Require all city employees to check and respond to email

91. Working sewers

92. More parades

93. Grants for scientists to discover new forms of energy

94. Leave a lasting impression on all visitors

95. Challenge the norm (Ed. note: So important it's listed twice.)

96. Finish the statue of Burt Bacharach

97. No more conflict diamonds

98. Bulletproof glass everywhere

99. Free cookies at every street corner

100. One school for every student

101. Require flattering mirrors in public restrooms

102. Develop a municipal composting operation

103. Enforce existing speeding and noise ordinances

104. Upgrade existing parks

105. Create an anti-graffiti youth outreach program

106. Free cake when it's your birthday

107. Reevaluate NAFTA

108. Rickshaw Wednesdays

109. Making it illegal to refuse a hug

110. Make downtown more people-friendly

111. Sell candy in government buildings to pay down the debt

112. Get Pawnee a licensed pharmacy

113. Better screening processes at local adoption agencies

114. Finding homes for the adopted children of Day Labor Corp.

115. Prop 6A: To Recognize All Five Food Groups

116. Pawnee

117. Hot Dogs

Thanks to PJenkins for pointing me to this transcription from last night's campaign ad.

School Papers

A list from Tavi Gevinson in this month's Rookie editor's letter. Tavi is 15 and quite awesome. This list comes after first saying that staying up all night to write a paper is the best. Then she acknowledges what P.Jenkins and I know to be true:

It is not actually that great for paper-writing. I hate myself every time I am writing a paper at 3 AM. I do not condone it. Here is a list of names I have saved school papers under on my desktop:

poop farts
piece of shit
i hate everything
i hate everyone
lol cry
ugh

The 20 Unhappiest People You Meet In The Comments Sections Of Year-End Lists

I thought you year-end list-makers and -readers would enjoy this dead-on list from NPR's pop culture blog, Monkey See. --xo, jf

1. The Poisoned. "The fact that you included Adele on this list of 100 things you like makes it a total joke."

2. The Really Pretty Sure Person, Who Is Really Pretty Sure. "I've never seen Game Of Thrones, but I'm really pretty sure it's not as good as Boardwalk Empire."

3. The Person Who Is Exactly Right. "It really seems like this list of things you thought were good is just your opinion."

4. The Surprisingly Lucid Narcoleptic. "ZZZZZZZZZ" is the classic. "SNORE" and "YAWN" are acceptable variants.

5. The Mother Of Tim "Freckles" Matterley. "There is a musician in Ann Arbor named Tim Matterley who is better than all these songs! You would like his music. He has a web site at FrecklesMatterley.com, and you can get his songs free on your computer! Please check out Tim Matterley, who does not have a big record contract YET but is very very good!!!!" Two comments later, she will often come back. "Also, Tim Matterley is in this YouTube video where he plays 'Imagine' at a children hospital. I am just one fan but I think he is great and he will go far!!!"

6. The Read A Book Guy. "Not one of these movies is as good as reading a book." On a list of books, by the way, he will say none of the books is as good as books used to be. He also hates Kindles, which he may or may not mention.

7. The Self-Punisher. "I always hate your tastes, so I knew this would be a miserable and useless list before I decided to click on it and read the whole thing, and now I know I was right."

8. The Unwitting Outlier. "Has anyone really cared about George Clooney since ER?"

9. The Person With The Imperfect Grasp Of Obscurity. "These are all completely obscure picks nobody has ever heard of. The Girl With A Dragon Tattoo sounds like a Dr. Seuss book."

10. Harry The Hipster-Hater, Who Really, Really Hates Hipsters. "This is all hipster music. I guess it's okay for hipsters, but I'm not enough of a hipster to like hipster picks like this. Too bad I'm not hipster enough. Maybe I'd like it better if I were more of a hipster." [His username: "notahipstersorry."]

11. The Person Who Thinks You Were So Close. "I like all these picks, but you ranked The Descendants as your #4 and Martha Marcy May Marlene as your #5, and they should be the other way around. FAIL."

12. The Person Who Never Says Die. "Why isn't Arrested Development on this list?"

13. The Subject-Changer. "If we're talking about great comedy performances, I don't know how you can leave out [Barack Obama/the Republican debates/Occupy Wall Street/the Tea Party]. That was the funniest thing I saw all year."

14. The Minimalist. "These blow."

15. The Person Who Is Probably Too Hardcore For You. "The best film of the year was shot in Tokyo and the title translates to I [Bleep]ed Your Grandmother With A [Blank] And [Bleep] You Too. I guess that's probably a little too hardcore for you. You should get outside the multiplex once in a while."

16. The Person Who Is Laughing But Is Actually Not At All Amused. "You put Community on your list instead of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia? Ha ha ha yeah right."

17. The Concerned. "What's wrong with you? No, seriously, what's wrong with you?"

18. The Person Who Wanted To Be Surprised. "Uh, way to go out on a limb. These are the same things you've been talking about all year and saying were the best things when they came out in the first place."

19. The Disbelieving. "Really? Are you serious? Did you mean to leave off my favorite thing? Or did something happen? Did you forget it? Did you think it didn't come out this year? Did you write it down and then accidentally delete it in a technology mishap? Do you not know how to spell it? Really? Are you kidding?"

20. The Humble Alternative. "If you really want to know what the best choices of the year were, I put my list up at my site, KnittingWithDagmarAndLaura.com — it's not just about knitting!"