Reasons why "The Rock" is awesome

1) Someone finally realized that chemical weapons are much scarier than nuclear weapons because your face melts off before you die.
2) Ed Harris
3) Sean Connery plays an ex-spy who worked for his majeshty's shecret shervice and he does three really cool things a) opens his jail cell with a rope he made from bed sheets b) rolls through a fire pit that has flame bursts on a schedule (which he remembers from decades earlier) c) tells Ed Harris after getting caught "frankly I think you're a fucking idiot". James Bond was never that cool.
4) Nicolas Cage has three really funny lines and delivers them like only he can. a) "yeah, allright, so that was the most awful thing I've ever seen." b) "How in the name of Zeus's butthole did you get out of your cell?" c) "You know I like history too and maybe when this is all over you and I can stop by the souvenir shop together but right now I just...I just want to find some rockets!"
5) At one point it was in the Criterion Collection along with Robocop and Armageddon.

6 (or so) Crazy Things About Ria Ramkissoon

1. She rejected her family's Hindu religion, became a devout Christian and joined One Mind Ministries, led by a 40-year-old woman who goes by the name Queen Antoinette.
2. When Queen Antoinette decreed her son was a demon since he refused to say "amen" after meals, she denied to give him food. So he died.
3. So she placed him in a suitcase with mothballs and fabric-softener sheets and let the Queen open the suitcase periodically and spray the interior with Lysol to mask the decomposition odor.
4. And then she and the cult moved to Philadelphia, and befriended a man who agreed to take care of their luggage before they left (the body was found over a year later, still inside the suitcase, in the man's storage shed.)
5. They put him in the suitcase because Queen Antoinette said God was going to raise Javon from the dead.' The resurrection never took place.
6. So now she is in jail. And she cut a deal with the prosecution. And here is the deal: She pleaded guilty in the starvation death of her son, but insisted that the charges be dropped when he is resurrected.

Note: In court Monday, it was clarified that the "resurrection clause" would apply only in the case of Javon's actual resurrection -- not a perceived reincarnation.

This post also titled: Today's Most Disturbing News Story, Or: Way to Go Prosecution! Or: Hey, Defense Attorneys, have you ever heard of the insanity plea? Or: Reasons why you shouldn't trust people who befriend you, ask you to take care of their luggage, and then move

The complete contents of my refrigerator (or why I need to go out for lunch today)

• almond butter
• six eggs
• 2/3 can wet cat food
• tub of catnip
• vermouth
• butter
• applesauce
• probiotic capsules
• omega 3-6-9 oil
• shredded coconut
• miso
• jam (two varieties)
• better than boullion (vegetarian)
• six bottles of various sparkling juices
• maple syrup
• rice milk
  

Least Favorite Bands I Accidentally Overhead at SXSW

#1, hands down: A Skylit Drive
Seriously, I dare you to listen to them. Then imagine it live.
http://www.myspace.com/askylitdrive

#2: Evangelicals
Oklahoma trash
http://www.myspace.com/evangelicals

Palladia, Or: Bands I Might Think I Like Because I am Delirious

A note from the list-maker, March 31, 5:29pm: I received Julie's challenge and logged on to the blog and see there is a list apparently written by me, in draft form. I barely (and I mean like, as if I was totally wasted barely, remember writing this, and until I saw it just now had forgotten all about it). But since we have been challenged I will click *Publish Post* instead of *Delete* so we can get closer to 31. This is unedited from when it was initially composed at 6am or whatever two nights/mornings ago. Or one night. I don't remember. It is all running together. I think there were about 3 other bands I wanted to include but couldn't remember who they were, so I just escaped out and went back to work. But good old blogger -- it saves shit for you even when you don't want to.....

So I have been up all night working and after realizing watching Saturday Night Live episodes on DVR was slowing me down, I changed the channel to HD Music, which apparently is called or partnered with or sponsored by something called Palladia. They are playing palatable music (which now that I write that I wonder if that has anything to do with it being called Palladia. Or not, that is just my brain not functioning at 5am). Anyway, here are some bands that I like more than I did 6 hours ago (for better or worse):

The Killers
Foo Fighters
Blue October

Of course now they are playing a video of "Life in the Fast Lane" from some live show presumably from The Eagles reunion tour or something, so nevermind.

To-Do vs. Actually Did

Sunday To-Do List

1. Go through mail
2. Vacuum
3. Clean bathroom
4. Clean up shoes - get rid of some

Sunday Actually Did List

1. Finish watching State of Play
   
2. Ponder brilliance
3. Take out trash
   
4. Watch I Love You, Man
   
5. Make dinner but don't quite get around to washing dishes
   

2 Shitty Weeks at Work: The Songs that Kept me Going

1. Stairway to Heaven - Rodrigo y Gabriela
2. To the Dogs or Whatever - Josh Ritter
3. And the Grief Goes On... - What Made Milwaukee Famous
4. Of Thee I Sing - Stan Getz
5. I'm Yours - Jason Mraz (tee hee)
   

Five Weird things we've found in pockets!

A list from my dry cleaner.

1. Viagra
2. Fake Bloody Finger
3. Check for $35,000
4. Man's leopard thong
5. Wedding Ring
   

American Idol List #3 (I am ashamed)

Last week's list is null and void. Here is the revision, upside down and in categories.
A bit of an overhaul.

Staying in the top 4:

• Matt - Still talented (piano).
  
• Kris - Still talented (guitar).
  

Moving to the top 4:

• Adam - It is amazing what a comb and some humility can do.
• Allison - The strain in her voice still scares me but I dug it tonight.
  

Please stop screaming! Did you not see what happened to Alexis Grace?

• Lil - What a shame.
  

Meh.

• Anoop - more like asleep. Ba dum.
  

Proudly staking the flag of Gokeyness into the most hated spot on my list, and rolling his arms in triumph afterward:

• Danny - Did he add more blond highlights? Did he get another pair of glasses? Would anyone really ever buy an album of his?
  

Reminders why I never watched this show before:

• Michael with the karaoke dance steps, pop concert smirks, man jewelry, and 110% y'all
• Megan with the pretty face, dress that matches her tattoo(!), and voice of an alarm clock
  
• and poor Scott --- now we know what it would have been like if Jim Henson had created Fozzie and Kermit as one character

Good grief those three were excruciating.

While You've Been Doing...Whatever It Is You Do, I've Been Loving...

Danny McBride in Eastbound and Down
Katy Perry in April Issue of Esquire
Keira Knightley in Atonement
I'm on a Boat, The Lonely Island
Robert Pattison in Twlight
The Life & Times of Tim
Reese Witherspoon at the Monsters vs. Aliens premeire
MSNBC's - First Read
Circus, Britney Spears
Johnny Depp in the Public Enemies Trailer

Dances To Learn

1. Hoedown Throwdown



2. Skin the Duck




Dances we know, according to this brilliant post:
1. The Electric Slide
2. The Macarena
3. The Twist
4. The Bunny Hop

Beauty Shop - the movie

After watching an E! true Hollywood story this morning i didn't change the channel , so i am watching the movie Beauty Shop...all I can say is Queen Latifah has a lot of friends...

• Queen Latifah
• Keisha Knight Pullam (yes - Rudy Huxtible (sp?)) -
• Sherri - the annoying chick from the view - who Tracy Morgan did a hilarious imitation of last Saturday
• Alicia Silverstone
• Andi MacDowell
• Wilmer Valderama
• Alfre Woodard
• Djimon Housnsou - (I had to look that one up on imdb)
• Mena Suvari
• Kevin Bacon

In summary, Queen Latifah works in fancy Atlanta Salon owned by Kevin Bacon (who is very funny actually). she gets mad and quits to open her own shop and can only afford to open one in the ghetto. and all sorts of quirky characters work in the new shop and takes small town hick shampoo girl Alicia Silverstone with her to the new shop. Her clients from the old salon (Mena Suvari and Andi MacDowell) start coming to new shop and Kevin Bacon gets mad and starts trying to take her down. I am not to the end yet, but I am assuming Queen Latifah's shop will become crazy famouns and we will learn a lesson about working hard and being nice to people and accepting people who are different.

Distractions

1. My growling stomach
2. People in the windows of the Driskill Hotel across the street
3. Recollection of the old lady who called back to me, "Make it great!" as she exited the elevator this morning
4. Making lists
5. Chitchat in the hallway
6. The sun
7. The fact that I can see (and hear) SXSW happening right outside

Today's Disturbing News Stories

Arrow Strikes Woman on NYC Street
A woman who was hit in the stomach with an arrow on a city street said Monday she at first thought she was hit by a baseball.

Woman Burned Alive at Gas Pump
An explosion and fire at a Colorado convenience store has killed a woman. Police in Colorado Springs say an 18-year-old woman was pumping gas when a pump caught fire after it was hit by a truck.

Woman Exercised Sick Husband to Death
Chris Mason was accused of recklessly exercising her frail husband to death. Ohio authorities suspected the transgendered woman was looking to cash in on her husband's retirement benefits [want to know how much that was? $900 a month].

These stories brought to you by 2theadvocate.com, DJ's local station.

And in seriously disturbing news I want to add that I am a little bit distraught about Natasha Richardson, but I am very grateful I will always have the recording of her warm and beautiful singing laugh on the Cabaret soundtrack.

The Order In Which I Hope People Get Booted off of American Idol

1. Adam Lambert. STFU 4ever. I hate him a lot.
2. The big fat oilfield services guy with the cheesy facial expressions and male jewelry. You are everything I hate about Marshall Texas.
   
3. Danny Gokey. I could do a separate list to rank the order in which I hate his Name, Outfits, Hair, Glasses, Sob Story, Song Choices, Dancing, and Facial Expressions.
   
4. The blind guy. He howls, and his hair is a mess.
5. Anoop Dog. Reminds me of Baylor making its way through the Big 12 tournament last weekend.
6. Allison the 16 year old. Everytime she sings I watch through my fingertips because I am worried her vocal cords are going to snap like cheap rubber bands and then her teeth will shoot out of her mouth.
   
7. Alexis Grace. I liked her at first but then she got drrty and now she won't shut up about it and also she oversings absolutely everything.
   
8. Megan Joy. I liked her at first but that shit gets old real quick. She is pretty to look at, though.
   
9. Matt. Good looking and he has actual talent (i.e., plays piano). I am worried he is going to get a little big for his britches (they need to lay off the JT comparisons stat).
   
10. Kris. Better looking (if you like monchichis) and has more appropriate talent (i.e., plays guitar). He won my heart with that cheesefest last night. ~fluttering eyelashes~
    
11. Lil. I think she is fun and I like her and she can sing and she does it in a way that is not boring karaoke. Bonus points for living in a hotel room with her husband and 3 kids and for making them say their prayers before bed on TV (I am a sucker). I hope she wins.

a bold prediction: I think someone in my 4 to 8 range is going home tonight, unfortunately. Why is America so stupid?!

10 Underrated Collection of Filmed Images You Should See

Chances are, you’ve all seen a handful of these, but it always comes as a shock as to which movies people just do not give due credit. Please note: The following list focuses on movies from 1980 and on...

10. An American Tail. One of my favorite animated movies from the 80s, primarily because the main character, a small Russian mouse named Fievel Mousekewitz, was the only animated Jewish person (or animal) I had come to know and love as a child (Gonzo not included.) And yet, you never hear about this movie! Clearly, an anti-semitical conspiracy. Somewhere out there, An American Tail Betamax tape is crying itself to sleep.

9. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. It almost feels like nobody saw this hilarious flick by the mastermind behind the Lethal Weapon series. Robert Downey Jr. is as delectable as a Marzipan Robert Downey Jr., and Val Kilmer plays a hilaaaaarious gay detective. Must see!

8. The Adventures of Milo & Otis. THE MOST ADORABLE CHILDREN’S MOVIE EVER MADE! R.I.P. Dudley Moore’s accent.

7. Gattaca. It’s Jude Law… on wheels. Plus, Gore Vidal is in it. As a buddy of mine put it, “It’s a good Ethan Hawke movie for people that don’t like Ethan Hawke.” And what’s not to like about a man whose mouth served as the inspiration for Teeth?

6. National Lampoon’s European Vacation. A comedy staple that was left out of the mainstream Swingline. One of the funniest movies ever made, right up until the last 30 minutes or so, where something I think called “plot” tries to take over and it loses some steam. Also, hands down the most underrated soundtrack EVER...Still, if you can forget for just a second that Chevy Chase is a selfish jerky alleged cokehead, you will love it.

5. Bottle Rocket. It’s Wes Anderson before he became “The” Wes Anderson. It’s Owen and Luke Wilson before they became “The Wilson Brothers.” It’s the same immigrant love story found in most of Wes Anderson’s movies, minus the pretentious race relations seen in, say, The Darjeeling Limited. OK, it’s not Rushmore, but we’re talking underrated people. And if you haven’t seen this, shame on you.

4. Die Hard With a Vengeance. Say what you will, the third installment to the Die Hard series remains my favorite Die Hard. Bruce Willis and Sam Jackson are on top of their comedic game, and if you thought Jeremy Irons was effable before (rent Damage to prove this point), you have no idea. Any Nazi fetishists out there? No? Moving on…

3. Six Degrees of Separation. To this day, my favorite Will Smith movie (after The Legend of Bagger Vance, obviously), Six Degrees was really the first movie to say: “Hey, Fresh Prince! Yeah, we know you’re on a prime-time sitcom playing the comic foil to an uptight Huxtableish family. But something tells us you would also make a bravura dramatic actor, in a role that requires you to be a stuck-up gay con artist.” The unbelievable Stockard Channing and Donald Sutherland round out this fantastic ensemble drama, which also features a young J.J. Abrams in his meatiest role to date.

2. The Man Without a Face. I have this tendency to clean my apartment while watching emotionally draining movies. Flashback: Man Without a Face starts on Starz, and I think: “Oh, Mel Gibson’s directorial debut will serve as a fantastic backdrop to my Swiffering ways!” Cut to me, 2 hours later, sitting in a pile of unfolded J. Crew boxer breifs, hysterically sobbing while repeating out loud, to no one in particular, “He just loves his teacher so much!” Sure, Gibson would go on to receive numerous awards from the Academy and ACLU, but does anyone EVER talk about how amazing this movie is? No, no they don’t. So let this be a little Jewish olive branch from me to Mel, saying “Hey! I may have caused all the wars in the world. But you’ve caused all the tear stains on this here pillowcase.” And for that, sir, we are even.

1. The Talented Mr. Ripley. Hands down, the most Underrated Movie Ever. I’ve long said it’s the most beautiful movie ever made — the cast includes an adorkably murdery Matt Damon, a fresh off God’s heaven cloud Jude Law, and my first love Gwynnie Paltrow; the locales include some of the most beautiful cities Europe has to offer. And while the world showered director Anthony Minghella’s other movie with dozens of accolades, Ripley sort of fell off the map. For God’s sake, it’s the movie that proved both Law and Damon to be reputable actors. And if that hasn’t convinced you: James Muthaf**king Rebhorn, ya’ll!

1997: My Favorite Albums

• Emmylou Harris - Wrecking Ball
• Radiohead - OK Computer
• Lyle Lovett - Joshua Judges Ruth
• Wilco - Being There
• Cat Stevens - Footsteps in the Dark
  

Context
Age: 25
School: Applying to Graduate School
Work: Leaving LA for a summer of unemployment in Marshall
Fashion: The good: Purchased by Mia. The bad: Purchased here.
Status: Aspirational, Aware of Cluelessness, Nerd

The Top of My TiVo Now Playing List

• Gossip Girl
• Tough Love
• Mad Men
• Au Pair 3: Adventure in Paradise
• The Office
• A Company of Voices: Conspirare in Concert
• Mad Men
• The Office
  

Things I Have Done Since Moving Back Home

• Not had a drink in 9 days
• Watched every episode of 'The Mentalist' I could find online
• Learned 7 new songs on keyboard to play with my brother's cover band "Spiked Punch"
• Gone running twice
• Signed my mom up for netflix
  
• Watched Synecdoche, Ny, Transporter 3, The Haunting of Molly Hartley
• Found out that I CANNOT transfer whatever pathetic credits I may have had from 15 years ago
• Driven my mom to Home Depot 17 times so she can slowly build her mantle
• Read "How to write Treatments that sell" and bought "Screenwriting for dummies" (the latter has yet to be read)
• Applied for 5 jobs all of which have yet to contact me
• Felt really really sorry for myself :(
  

Things That Make Me Happy Right Now

1. Reading About Myself - Even though my personality type is called The Duty Fulfiller (glamorous!), I can also have "an offbeat sense of humor and can be a lot of fun - especially at family or work-related gatherings."
   
2. The Fug Girls' Brackets - I promise that I will follow this much more closely than That Other March Madness ($5 bball buy-in be damned).
3. Young Love
4. A Pet Story That Is Not Really A Pet Story
   

Questionable Taste

excerpted list of things said in an instant message conversation re: *Watchmen* and Billy Crudup's blue peen:

Ron: oh wow...guess i wasn't expecting that 5:40:06 PM
Blaine: i heard , i dont know 5:40:13 PM
Ron: im completely turned off now that I see its soooooo loooong 5:40:56 PM
the movie, not the junk 5:41:03 PM
Blaine: DAAHAHA 5:47:43 PM

The Movies That Made Me Who I Am (aka, Challenge Accepted)

• The Sandlot (I liked baseball as a kid...)
• Major League (...really liked, and gratuitous cursing)
• Top Gun
• E.T.
• The Monster Squad
• The Big Lebowski
• Monty Python and the Holy Grail
• Friday (I was in the 8th grade for a long time)
• The Sixth Sense (the only movie I've ever watched, rewound, and watched again)
• The Dark Knight (no, shit; probably 40 times now - I have issues, and ChrisNolan is one of them)

The 10 Movies I'VE Seen Most Often (in order of how they came to my mind just now)

You can probably tell that my repeat movie-watching heyday was...not recent.

• Sixteen Candles
• The Golden Child
• When Harry Met Sally
• Postcards From the Edge
• Girls Just Want to Have Fun
• Iron Eagle
• Once Bitten
• Crocodile Dundee
• Tank
• Zapped!
  

Movies I Have Seen the Most Times in a Theater

in approximate order of release date accompanied by (should be actual) number of times seen (in the theater)

* Star Wars (IV) - at least 8
* The Golden Child - impossible to count
(this movie was a fixture at the Marshall Twin Cinema circa 1987 and I (and probably Julie too) watched it two times a night, two nights a weekend, for several months. Also at the Marshall Twin Cinema a few times: *Pee Wee's Big Adventure* and *Inner Space*)
* Backdraft - 4
* Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves -4
* Edward Scissorhands - 4
* Reality Bites - 3
* The Bodyguard - 4
* Shallow Grave - 3 (twice in one day)
* Hands on a Hard Body - 5
* Dazed and Confused - 3
* No Country for Old Men - 3

I reserve the right to add to this if I think of anything else.

Movies I've walked out of (at the theater)

I was trying to think of movies I've seen the opposite of the most times and the closest thing I could come up with was movies I've walked out of. Somehow this list is much shorter than I imagined it would be...

In order of walking out:

Soul Man
Milo and Otis
Titanic
Bringing Out the Dead
The Pursuit of Happyness

The 10 movies I've seen most often (in order of when first seen)

• Mary Poppins
• The Jerk
• Grease
• Breakfast Club
• Dirty Dancing
• When Harry Met Sally
• Hair
• The Matrix
• Fight Club
  
• Joe Dirt
  

San Antonio

I was in San Antonio this week for work. Here are some things I do not like about San Antonio.

• The freeway system. I got so frustrated I actually tried to figure out what person or agency I could call to lodge complaints. I have since calmed down but it is very annoying.
  
• The allergens. I had finally stopped sneezing until one day in San Antonio.
  
• People won't stop talking about the fucking tortillas. I mean, people talk about the Mexican food in general like it is the only place on earth you can find *good Mexican food* but then they go on and on about the tortillas. I noticed this because EVERYONE did it. Even the people who had no idea what they were talking about.
• No one knows that the Battle of the Alamo occurred on March 6th. I had to tell everyone I talked to and then each person looked at me like I was the freak.
• The so-called nice hotel had the shittiest TV. Lil Rounds sounded all fuzzy.
  
• When people say "San Antone." Drives me absolutely crazy. Like, punch-you-in-the-face crazy.
  

Things I like about San Antonio:

• The tortillas
• also the cheese enchiladas
• The landscaping
  
• The Ghostbusters building
  
• The Alamo
• Pee Wee Herman
  

My New Neighbors: An Ongoing Study

EMPIRICAL FACTS

1. Unit adjacent to my own is inhabited by 3 women, early twenties, possible recent college graduates.

2. Welcome mat outside of unit reads “Live, Laugh, Love”.

3. At approximately 8pm Saturday evening, I observed signs suggesting the early stages of a party. Terrible music being played at an especially loud volume, roving packs of douchedudes pouring out of cars and high-fiving their way to the unit, and a small brunette girl smoking a cigarette on the balcony who squealed “Hiyeee!” as I walked to my car.

4. The following morning I discovered a lipstick-stained Silo cup containing the last few sips of a mysterious pinkish/red beverage and a half-smoked slim cigarette in the exterior hallway outside of my own apartment.

5. A few moments later, one of said douchedudes - who I recognized from his tight black t-shirt with sparkly sequinned designs - came stumbling out of Live, Laugh and Love’s unit, then proceeded to the tricked out Toyota Camry where his boys were reverently waiting for their more “lucky” compatriot.

6. A few hours later, while passing the “Live, Laugh, Love” unit on my way to our parking garage, the three suspected neighbors emerged, tittering about brunch, followed by a trail of wake & bake pot smoke. I observed that their dress was much in the style of Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie circa three years ago, and noticed one of them talking to a squirrel in the front yard, inexplicably referring to it as “Joe”.

7. Last night I noted that one of the wireless networks displayed on my computer has been named “3Hookers”.

The investigation continues.

1992: My Favorite Albums

Albums

1. Lyle Lovett -- Joshua Judges Ruth
2. Annie Lennox -- Diva
3. The Proclaimers -- Sunshine on Leith
4. Enya -- Shepherd Moons
5. Toad the Wet Sprocket -- Fear
6. Dwight Yoakam -- If There Was a Way
   

Soundtracks

1. Dances With Wolves
   
2. The Last of the Mohicans
   
3. Howards End
   
4. Far and Away
   
5. The Big Easy
   

Context
Age: 20
School: RTF Student, UT
Work: Part Time, Home Video Plus
Fashion: Flannel shirts, Hiking boots, Hair
Status: Aspirational, Somewhat Clueless, Nerd

colors i am thinking of painting my living room

per sherwin-williams....in no particular order

• oceanside
• cote d'azur
• maxi teal
• poseidan
• green bay
• amalfi (that one is just for candice)
• blue nile

i highly recommend the sherwin-williams website - they have sample rooms that you can paint. it is kinda mesmerizing....

not a list - but an explanation of my found list

I finally asked my brother about the list...it has something to do with the Decemberists releasing 3 EPs - each with a man, woman, and girl on the cover, and him organizing them in itunes. The real explanation is much longer than that, but I stopped paying attention.