Things To Do While Bored Waiting on the Brinks Guy to Come Back and Finish Already

• Make lists
• Go get a Whopper (tm) and eat it
  
• Email people
• Watch all of *The Darjeeling Limited*
• Listen to Billie Holiday *Fine and Mellow* and *I Can't Get Started*
• Listen to *Adventures in Solitude*
• Watch part of *The Last of the Mohicans*
• Billing (work)
• Play Six Degrees of Separation on Facebook. and it's amazing who your friends' friends are
• Maybe start reading *Twilight*? but I am scared (thank you , Derek, for the gender-/age-appropriate Christmas present. you know me so well.)
  

Movies I Do Not Like Because These People Are Ridiculous and Annoying and Need to STFU

1. Rachel Getting Married
2. Dan in Real Life
3. The Family Stone
4. Home for the Holidays
5. Meet the Parents
6. Wedding Crashers

Tribute: A Non-Comprehensive List of Things I Have Stolen from People

And by "things I have stolen," I mean: things that I love that you loved first, or in some cases*, things I have stolen.

In alphabetical order of benefactor's name.

Aimee

• Sand pit lakes
• D'Bronx
  
• The Frames (and Once)
  

Alana

• Lili Taylor
• "Antonio Banderas or Laurence Fishburne?"
• Vegetarian cuisine, Veggie Heaven and The Grasshopper
  

Austen

• Adventures in Solitude
• Born loafers*
• REI membership
• Jason Bourne
  

Candice

• The Turkey Sandwich at Texadelphia w/ no mayo, no cheese, add guacamole, add cherry peppers, add jalapenos
• Cheap Wine
  
• Chuck Bass
  
• Leftovers*
  

DJ

• Bicycle enthusiasm
• News from Donaldsonville
• "Woof"*
  

Derek

• The National
  
• SmartWool socks
  
• 1990s blue Polo button-down shirt*
• Graniteville
  

Karen

• Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day Basil Hand Soap
• Panasonic Plasma HDTV
• Pottery Barn Buffet Table/TV Stand*

Katie

• Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
  
• Raymond Carver short stories*
• Sam
  

Jon

• The Departed
  
• 10-second synopsis of The Good Shepherd*
• Matt Damon
  
• Edward Norton

Julie

• Curb Your Enthusiasm
  
• The Rich Man's Frug, Bob Fosse in general
• Leftovers*
• Asylum Street Spankers
  

Mia

• Shirts not tucked into jeans
• Korean BBQ
• Arcade Fire
• Bollywood musicals
• my french fries back*

Lists Currently in Draft Form on the *List Anything* Dashboard

1. Untitled
by: Me
date: Today

2. Things You Should Know About "Rich Man's Frug"
by: Julie
date: Feb. 6, 2008

3. My Hilarious Top Ten List
by: Derek
date: Feb. 5, 2008

Birthday Wishes from 18 Years Ago

Came home for Thanksgiving and found my old journal. Here is the entry from Dec 1, 1990. I was 9.

"Today is my birthday. This morning, my dad got me a muffin. We put a candle in it, and I blew it out. I wished for three wishes.

1. Peace in the middle east!
2. I won't get any more disaplenary slips
3. Green Reebok Pumps"

Things I Have Done Today While Trying to Work

I am supposed to be working today, and I have been. I promise.

But I am also watching the Longhorns.

I also

• Emailed my client to tell her I hate her company
• Did some catalog shopping
• Edited Austen's resume
• Sent Kevin a text message to wish the Gamecocks good luck
• Read up on the Secretary of State selection
• Checked up on the Prop 8 protests
• Ate a doughnut hole
• Made a pitch for Coca Cola Zero
• Added some new friends on Facebook
• Read the Survivor recap on Television Without Pity
• Took Candice's side against Derek's tomfoolery
• Went outside and thought of all the other things I could on a beautiful day
• Disappointed myself
• Started this list

I do not like working on Saturday.

Days this month on which I've had fewer than three desserts

(none)

Funniest Things I Have Seen on TV in a While

#1. Christy/Kelly (*The Divorcees*) getting pounded with paint and water in Delhi on *The Amazing Race*.

#2. The Saturday Night Live Lawrence Welk skit. (..."with my by myself"...)

#3. Terence and Sarah (aka Hamilton and Meg Swan, of *Best in Show*) on *The Amazing Race* doing absolutely anything, including but not limited to

• Yelling at each other
• Getting hit on the head by a taxi trunk
• Trying to get a clue from a soccer referee coincidentally holding a red & yellow flag
• Looking for a clue in a bird cage
• Complaining that they do not have friends

#4. The last fifteen minutes of *The Black Dahlia* starring Ms. Hilary Swank.

#5. Sarah Palin's "fungible commodities" speech

#6. Anderson Cooper professing his love for Nene of the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

#7. Bye bye Marcus, God of Kota.

#8. Little Jenny Humphrey walking the streets of Brooklyn carrying a SEWING MACHINE

Three Songs that break my heart (in the best possible way)

“American Tune” Paul Simon


“Down to Zero” Joan Armatrading


“Fruits of My Labor” Lucinda Williams


okay, I admit it, that’s not Lucinda. Somehow, that’s the first hit, though, when you youtube the song, and I think I’m a little bit in love with his cover. Link to Lucinda’s audio right here.

List Challenge #3

This challenge was Blaine's idea, but maybe he's busy evacuating or something right now, so here goes. List the five or so movies that you've seen the most. Please list in a new post instead of comments.

Today's List Challenge was inspired by a Daily Poll question.

This Week's Pleasant Surprises

In chronological order...

• Nitrous oxide at the dentist - cranked way up and thrown in for free because my dentist was running late for my appointment.
• That a guy my friend has a crush on probably didn't flirt with me the first time we met because he definitely didn't flirt with me the second time we met (which may not seem all that pleasant, but believe me, that's the last thing I need right now).
• Got a pass to ACLfest without resorting to Craigslist or scalping.
• The Daily Poll responses about the movies people have watched the most.
• A friend canceled tonight's plans, which means that not only do I get to take a nap and then watch tv tonight, but I also didn't have to be the one who bailed.
• A misunderstood conversation that--follow me here--I thought was about this gung-ho, smiley, Mormonesque young guy I know saving a choking man's life during a public meeting last night, when it was REALLY about the gung-ho guy *choking* the other man when an argument about rail transit turned physical. Me (when I still thought the first thing): "He's a real go-getter!"
  

hurricane preparedness checklist

I think I have one of these things.

***
First-aid kit and important medications
At least one gallon of water per person per day
Canned food and a manual can opener
Clothing and bedding
Battery-powered radio, flashlight, and extra batteries
Special items for infants, elderly or disabled family members
Driver's license, Social Security cards, insurance cards and policies, wills and other important documents in a waterproof container
Maps of potential evacuation destinations
Cash
Books and toys
Pet care items -- carrier case, food, medications, medical records
Matches in a waterproof container
Toilet paper and personal hygiene items
Cell phone, cell phone batteries, and extra chargers
A written household inventory
Address book or list of family members phone numbers

Most Unbelievable News Items of the Day (from CNN)

1. McCain picks Alaska governor as running mate


runner up:
Duchovny in rehab for sex addiction

Surprising Things I did While Living Alone for 4 months:

1. Watched The Bachelor
2. Scrapbooked
3. Talked to people about watching The Bachelor
4. Drank boxed wine, which I purchased at Target.
5. Played Mah Jong on my computer
6. Read a book written by Chelsea Handler

My Favorite News Items of the Day (from CNN)

#1. By far the best -- and an excerpt of the story:

A grotesque comparison of a steamy love affair to a New York City street has won a Washington man this year's grand prize in an annual contest of bad writing.

Garrison Spik, a 41-year-old communications director and writer, took top honors in San Jose State University's 26th annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest with this opening sentence to a nonexistent novel:

"Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped 'Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J."'

Rounding out the top 5 (headlines only):

#2. Gorbachev: Georgia started conflict with Russia [the US is now a mommy]

#3. Reporter gets shot on air, keeps reporting

#4. Baby with huge tumor saved by liquor tycoon

#5. A Tie, between the following *question* headlines:

Is that a Bigfoot carcass in the freezer?

Are itty bitty gymnasts lying about ages?

List Challenge! #2

We haven't had a List Challenge since dennisj did the first one back in February. If anything can breathe life into something it is the Olympics. Therefore, I challenge you to list your top 5 Summer Olympic sports and/or events.

And while you are at it keep making other lists!!

People I Love Right Now

• Nancy Flesch (I never understood the hype before, but now I totally do)
• Bike Barn
• Paige at LW
• Jason Lezak
• Renny on Big Brother 10
• Leonard Cohen
• Anne Yappen

People I Hate Right Now

• The mailman
• Brett Favre
• April on Big Brother 10
• Jerry on Big Brother 10
• A client who shall remain unnamed
• Metro Midtown Management
• Matt Lauer

Things I have Learned Recently

1. Carpet can be recycled.
2. How to cook with olive oil.
3. How to put up drywall.
4. Vitamins go bad after 7 years.
5. If you want to return a gas powered machine (e.g. lawn mower) to a home improvement store (e.g. Lowes) you are supposed to empty the gas first.
6. If you leave the pit of an avocado in guacamole the avocado will stay green for longer.

Things I Am Excited About Right Now

1. Mates of State concert last night - one of those concerts that doesn't wear off the next day. Strings!!!
   
2. 5 Days off - I have been pretty busy lately (perhaps you have heard me say this). I need the break. Even though I've already got two things to do today....
   
3. College World Series - Texas won't be there but it's kind of nice to not care about the games. Go Rice (i think).
   
4. The Lake
   
5. Pontoon boat on the lake
   
6. Bloody Mary on the plane in about 3 hours
7. Aimee Eicher!
8. Tom Waits concert coming soon
   
9. The jokes you can make over this housewifey post!!! Have at it. I've got a plane to catch.
   

Why Today Sucks

1. I woke up late, and my hair is still in a wet knot.
2. There's some hullabaloo about my lunch meeting tomorrow.
3. I thought hullabaloo had two sets of double Ls.
4. I forgot to mail my rent check, and now it's the 3rd and I have to drive to the stupid property manager's office to drop it off.
5. The same property manager, by the way, who recently called to tell me that I'm going to have to move out for 30 days while they demolish and rebuild my bathroom.
6. It's quite possible that I have fleas.
   

More Fun With Spam

Just got an email from Veronica Peck with the subject line "city life." I thought it was *possible* that it was related to my job, so I read. A list! A list that reads like something from Found Magazine.

1. Find a girl
2. Invite her to your appartments
3. Use subject product V (or C)
4. Have fun
5. Take her number
6. Profit?

Pet Names I Was Called by Tonight's Waitress (who is younger than me)

• Honey
• Dear
  
• Dearest
  
• Doll
• Darling
• Sweetie
• Cutie
  

Cars whose owners are most likely a-holes and/or bad drivers

1. Hummer
2. PT Cruiser
3. Denali
4. Ford Taurus

Top 3 - by KVR

Top 3 things KVR would change about Blaine and me in his plan of world domination:
Blaine

1. Less Neurotic
2. More Musically Gifted
3. Less Burping

Julie

1. Less Neurotic
2. More Asian
3. More Musically Gifted
   

Things you see at the Atascocita Starbucks on 1960 near Wal-Mart (as written to me by guest blogger Kasey)

Who says small town coffee shops are boring? Needed a study break so thought I would share a few of my morning highlights

1. The old, old lady who struggled with her coffee order, paid with cash and then proceeded to stand by the trash can tearing the receipt into a hundred tiny pieces -- to avoid identity theft, she paid with cash?
2. The music video maker (as he announced to the ladies of starbucks) wearing spurs on his boots and black jacket with "OBEY" written in glitter across the back. Added bonus....stopped and winked at me on his way out asking me how long until I graduate (remember, I have books, highlighters, ect in front of me). Maybe I should have asked for his business card so I have options if this CPA thing doesn't work out.
3. The Little Person in training (I'm being PC) that the Starbucks people greet with a yell of "The Princess has arrived" when she shows up for work.
4. Continued #1.....the old, old lady hung around looking at all the coffee machines available for sale and carefully reading the packaging on EACH bag of coffee displayed in store. (all while wearing a red shirt with a Christmas tree and wreaths embroidered on it - it is April right?)
5. The retired women that went back to work part-time at Starbucks who keeps bringing me her "practice" drinks to sample as she is learning the ropes. Practice will be good for her...
6. The "couple" sitting at the table next to me....Older guy in his 50's explaining to a young girl in her late 20's how she needs to act at some event this evening, what she needs to wear, what she should say -- strange, can you say escort service??

And for the patrons of all ages wearing flip flops, shorts, t-shirts that roll in and out --- Do any of these people actually have a real job - seriously, what do they do all day?

"People" Who Sent Me Emails Over the Weekend

Spam names make me giggle. Some of my favorites out of the 495 emails sent to my work address over the weekend (side note: 13 of those were real).

Lanny Colon
Ester Ham
Josefa Kiser
Betty T. Crockett
Normal Sexual
Jacquelyn T. Burt
Deidre Arredondo
John Jolly
Cilais eTstosterone
Elba Gold
Solomon Estelle
Tamra Q. Coley
Marva Blackman
Candice U. Colbert
Freeman Sosa
Gale Valenzuela
jean-christophe burton
Diann Sawyer
Joan U. Bean
Mohamed Mcintyre
Dick Woodward
Blaine McClain

Old To-Do List I Found While Cleaning

• phone call
• cookie research
• don't drink
• eat dinner
• call eliza [scratched out, and switched to: visit eliza]
• blank cds
• (pack) scrabble
• take vitamin [this is the only item checked off]
  

things i love at work

I was looking for something in my email archive today and came across this list. Blaine, Gera, Jennifer Kruppa and I started this late one night when we were the only 4 people in the office....a year later they are all still very true.

1. The GFS Macro tool or whatever it's called that makes WIPs all nice and formatted in excel
2. Filing sh*t in DMS
3. They finally got big cups for water.
4. Shopping at PwC Perks because it's the only kind of shopping I have time for...oh and I get a discount.
5. Starbucks personnel knowing your name and drink order because you frequent the place entirely too much.
6. Sametime Update emoticons
7. Papermate Liquid Expresso pens from 30th floor service center
8. Scanning and Pdfing documents
9. There is always someone to talk when I call PwC HELP.
10. Honestly, I think I would work here just for access to the writable PDF software. It is my favorite thing on earth.
11. That Karen and Jennifer both love PDFs so much.
12. My service center lady Pat, who loves buying us pens and today bought Sharpie (R) Accent Liquid Highlighters.
13. Weekend begins in like 20 minutes. (For me) Y'all have a good weekend.
14. Discounts on cell phones
15. Blaine's service center lady Pat has peer pressured our service center man, Dennis, into buying us cool pens too.
16. The average age of the employees is 27 (that is totally made up by me - but we are young) so happy hour is always an option, and I don't have to listen to old ladies talk about cats
17. My Lotus Notes Calendar
18. Not working with those ladies Karen talkeda bout in #16. All you young ones are fun..

Oscar Good, Oscar Bad

Oscar Good

• No Country for Old Men
• Ethan Coen's 2 acceptance speeches
  
• Jon Stewart letting Marketa Irglova finish her acceptance speech
• Jon Stewart calling Glen Hansard arrogant
• Colin Farrell and John Travolta almost falling on their asses
• George Clooney
• Jon Stewart talking shit about Norbit
• Daniel-Day Lewis winning best Actor/ George Clooney congratulating him on his way to the stage
• Gadolf Titler
  

Oscar Bad

• Juno winning best screenplay
• Golden Compass winning Visual Effects (C'mon! Transformers???)
• Diablo Cody's dress/ tattoos/ hair
• That really really really really old man accepting his old man Oscar
• Amy Ryan NOT winning best supporting actress
• The Ryan Seacrest "pre-show"
  

Shows I have seen involving aerialists in 2008 (in order of seeing them)

Habitat (by Sweet Can Productions)



Sol Niger (by Circo Zero)



Biome (by Capacitor)



Stitch (by Ricochet)

A non-comprehensive list of dance movies (that are not also musicals) subjectively ranked from best to worst according to the opinions of me.

1. Saturday Night Fever (1, 5)
2. Dirty Dancing (1, 2, 3, 4)
3. Billy Elliot (2, 3, 4, 6)
4. Breakin' (and I'll lump Electric Boogaloo in here, too, although I have a sneaking suspicion that it might not be nearly as good as I remember) (2)
5. Bring It On (1, 3, 5, 6)
6. You Got Served (1, 3, 5)
7. Shall We Dance (Japanese version) (3, 4)
8. Take the Lead (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
9. Drumline (5)
10. Stomp the Yard (2, 3, 5)
11. Fame (1, 3, 6)
12. Footloose (1, 4)
13. Girls Just Want to Have Fun (1, 2, 4, 5)
14. Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
15. Honey (3)
16. Coyote Ugly
17. Flashdance (3)
18. Save the Last Dance (1, 2, 3)
19. How She Move (1, 3, 4, 5)
20. Step Up (1, 2, 3)
21. Bring It On: All or Nothing (1, 5)
    

(1) Features high school kids
(2) Merges two or more dance styles, thereby creating an uber-style that breaks everything wide open
(3) Highlights class issues
(4) People are dancing, but it's forbidden
(5) omg, dance competition!
(6) Features dancing while gay

How I Know I'm a Good Person

• When crossing the street, if a rock or piece of broken glass is within my reach, I will give at least one attempt to kick it to the side.
• When a cab driver takes the long way to my chosen destination I never argue or complain because he or she's a professional and I don't want to make him or her feel bad.
• I give bonuses to my employees whenever I get the chance even though it's not my money and doesn't really affect me in any way.
• I don't tell people who aren't my good friends that they have bad breath, because that's just rude (this also applies to food in teeth).
• I tell homeless people that "I'm all plastic tonight" so they trust me that I don't have any spare change even if I'm lying. Besides, by giving them money I'm not helping them, I'm hurting them.
• When I ordered the shrimp enchiladas at El Chile and the new waitress brought me chicken tacos, I just ate them. I know how difficult it can be to wait tables having been a waiter myself (for two weeks).
  
• I will always give a cigarette to the warehouse district yuppies who "don't smoke" except when they drink.
• I never make fun of people who are bigger than I am.
• Whenever I witness someone falling on their ass, I wait until I know they weren't seriously injured before laughing out loud.
  

This week's annoyances (so far)

Sunday - Getting an awful haircut.
Monday - Awkward mens room conversation with boss. Twice.
Tuesday - Chipping my front tooth Lloyd Chrstmas-style.
Wednesday - Obligatory co-worker house party.
Thursday - Red shirts everywhere. How festive!
Friday - Being surrounded at my desk and having to sit through a 3min 41sec unfunny youtube clip.

List my brother made that I found on the floor

1. S&S Pork (scratched out)
2. Special Lo Mein
3. Chicken with Garlic Sauce
4. 2 Egg Roll
5. Crab Puff

I didn't read this list before I started this post, I just found what looked like a list and thought it might be interesting. It turns out my brother and sister were hung over on Saturday and ordered Ming's. I am assuming they were hungover because who needs a list to order take-out for two?

How I know I’m old/lame

- I skip concerts due to the weather
- I can drink 10 beers and still be sober enough to chat with Mom
- I get pissed at my boyfriend for buying a new TV because I think he should put the money towards retirement (our time to accumulate funds is dwindling)
- Numerous people in my life have either quit drinking (for good) or are in AA
- I’ve made an actual list (not merely a mental list) of things I want to do before I die
- My ex-husband is causing problems
- I really want to be on a jury
- I’m actually contemplating having a baby
- I’m figuratively retired

My Favorite Seinfeld Moments

12) George and Jerry try to have a secret conversation in front of Marlee Matlin and come up with different ways to cover their mouths while they talk.
11) Kramer (pilot episode) is eating a roast beef sandwich while flipping through one of Jerry's magazines and starts tearing out an ad he likes. When Jerry catches him he licks the page and tries to stick it back in. So gross.
10) George asks Jerry to stop being so funny so he can impress his girlfriend and Jerry becomes really morose.
9) Jerry tells George (after trying the roommate switch by asking for a menage a trois) that she was "into it". George's response..."Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my brain?"
8) Kramer meets George's girlfriend and tells her that she's just as pretty as any of those supermodels, she just needs a nose job.
7) George cheats on his IQ test by having Elaine take it for him and Jerry yells at him out the window. "Hey Georgie! How did you do on the IQ test?" and his response..."85!"
6) Jerry explains to the woman working at the rental car counter "you know how to TAKE a reservation, you just don't know how to HOLD a reservation. And that's really the most important part. The HOLDING. Anyone can take a reservation (pretends to write in the air)."
5) George gets fired for having sex with the cleaning lady on the desk in his office. His response: "Was that wrong?"
4) George and Jerry pretend they haven't seen each other since High School (so they can prove he didn't cheat in a race) and George says: "I guess I started losing my hair around the time I made my first million." Jerry's girlfriend asks what he does. "I'm an architect". Then she asks if he'd done anything she may know. "Have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim?" Impressed, she asks "You did THAT?" *my favorite part* "Yep. Really didn't take me that long either."
3) Elaine is at a party and stuck listening to this awful woman complaining about how she lost her fiance, the poor baby. Elaine looks at her with disgust and says in an Australian accent..."Maybe the dingo ate your baby!"
2) George tells the story about how he was pretending to be a Marine Biologist when he stumbled upon a beached Whale and saw that something was obstructing his breathing. He reached in and pulled out the obstruction. *reveals a golf ball which Kramer hit into the ocean earlier that day. Kramer's response: "A hole in one."
1) George decides to do the opposite of every natural impulse and approaches a woman in the coffee shop who was looking at him because he just ordered the same exact meal as her. "I'm George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents."

Google searches I have made this week.

• yoga kitty
• westminster dog show*
• kashmir shaivism
• yixing teapot
• fancy broccoli*
• romanesco broccoli*
• “tarot suit” + finance
• why is my cat licking me
  

* denotes image search

Things I Have Noticed About List Formats

• I like these diamond bullets, because, well, you know.
  
• Karen numbers lists from 1 to 10, because she is an accountant.
  
• Jon and DJ number lists from 10 to 1, because they think they are David Letterman
• Julie and Alana number things appropriately, based on the intent of their posts. So if it is a countdown, they go 10 to 1. And if it a simple list, they will go 1 to 5, or use dashes. Because - of course they would.
• Derek does not post, because he is only good at adding on to other people's lists.
  
• Austen does not post, because he is the GPU30, a German robot sent from the future.
  

Ways I can tell you and I are fundamentally different sorts of people

• If you list *jeans day* as a perq at your job
  
• If you use your hand to block a closing elevator door and there are people already on the elevator
• If you like Garfield more than Snoopy
• If you think the movie *Starship Troopers* is "bad" or "stupid", as opposed to "fucking brilliant"
  
• If you don't listen to the lyrics
• If you tip less than 20% on a regular basis
• If you use the word utilize
• If you don't like the ending of *No Country for Old Men*

And it's OK to be different, I'm just pointing some things out.

Life Lessons I Learned From Playing Poker (and only after drinking a bottle of wine)

10) Very rarely is something worth putting everything on the line, but when it pays off, it really pays off. And you have to know the right moment to do so.
9) No matter how much you think you know about other people, you don't.
8) Often times more than not, it's worth sacrificing a small amount pain to find out a lot of information.
7) When you take a bad beat, don't complain. Somewhere, someone has it a lot worse than you do.
6) Sometimes you may find that you play better under the influence, but if you happen to be lucky enough to get away with it, you will quickly discover that it was just that -- luck.
5) There is definitely such a thing as a streak. Winning and losing. And while all good things come to an end, so do all bad things.
4) You can't win if you don't play.
3) If you don't have faith in yourself, you won't succeed.
2) While there is a huge difference between luck and skill, there isn't that much difference between skill and effort.
1) *direct quote from Rounders* "If you can't spot the sucker at your first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.

things i hate about IM

As a general rule I am a big fan of the IM. How else to you do things like make fun of people, plan lunch and happy hours in the office. However, people have been making me angry on it today so I thought I would soothe my anger with a list. It is much better than banging on my computer.

1. my boss typing "hey" and then when i respond "yes" he doesn't reply agin for hours
2. people who type YEAH! for YAY! (copyright P.Jenkins - he brought this to my attention and now i notice it all of the time)
3. LOL - can't you just say "that is funny?" it is so overused that i never believe anyone is ever actually lauging out loud.
4. punctuation smiley faces e.g. :) and the really clever ;)

I think #1 is really what I hate...the other things are just annoying.

JSYK my boss is director who also thinks he is cool from my saturday work attire post, and he does everything on this list all of the time.

also the spell check on this thing does not work, so please ignore all of my errors.

Sunday Sets

These are groups of people and things I encountered today.

1. Fifty boys and men of all ages at the BMX bike park as I walked past. Lots of air.
2. Six men on stage at the Mean Eyed Cat.
3. Four big dogs being walked by one person.
4. Countless ugly dresses at Macy's.
   
5. Twelve hipsters in studded belts zipping down West Avenue on motor scooters.

things men wear to work on saturday

Working in public accounting means going to the office on Saturday. Seeing what people wear on the weekends - especially men is awesome. I have decided not to name names. For those of you who work at the big accounting firm, you can probably guess who all of these people are

single associate (age 24) - grey Polo (tm) shirt, trendy jeans, flip flops

married associate (age 24) - grey Chaps (tm) polo shirt, cargo jeans, boots

suburban dad trying to make manager (age 40ish)- red flannel plaid shirt (think lumberjack), jeans, brown dress shoes

Director who thinks he is cool (age 32-35) - dark brown cargo shorts, trendy black polo with funny white stiching, white pumas with velcro, yellow abercrombie baseball cap

Director who also thinks he is cool (age 37-39) - charcoal grey wool sweater, trendy jeans, black "going out shoes," black leather jacket (i just saw him leave the office)

Director who does not care if he is cool (age 35ish) - navy nike mock turtleneck golf shirt made of some technologically advanced fabric (think tiger woods) tucked into jeans, brown leather belt, topsiders

Tax Partner (age 45) - red golf shirt with country club logo, tucked into "dad jeans", with shiney brown belt and gold buckle, very new baseball cap from a golf tournament, topsiders

Audit Partner (age 50) - button down shirt fresh from cleaners tucked into dark dark blue "dad jeans," "casual belt," loafers - no socks


p.s. every girl i have seen is wearing a t-shirt and jeans, but in all fairness none of the really terrible dressers are here on saturday bc they work part-time

My Mother's Proudest Moments Caused By Me

I seriously have zero idea how to say that any better.
In chronological order, and in order of importance.

4. When I spent hours outside jumping rope, until I could finally jump ten times without missing.
3. When I won scholarships to college.
2. When I started drinking coffee.
1. When I started drinking coffee black.

My Favorite Women in the Hotel Bar Tonight

1. Dead ringer for Dianne Weist in a top that looked a zebra ate a Monet painting and then vomited.
2. A woman I couldn't see but when she laughed sounded like Edith Bunker being circumcised.
3. Wide load in a gold lame top and a black skirt that looked like a lampshade from Bearden's (fancy and matching gold lasso-French trim on the bottom, for those of you unfamiliar with the Bearden's style). [She gets bonus points for singing "Bad Boys" out loud. In the bar. To Paul Giamatti with blond hair. (By the way, he wins favorite man. Paul Giamatti with blond hair looks a lot like Steve Zahn gone retarded insurance-man style.)]
4. Anthony Michael Hall in drag, complete with Breakfast-Club-hair and black cocktail dress and NAMETAG (I love conventions) trilling Speedy-Gonzalez-style while she delivered her vodkafruitini to her friend.
   
5. This woman (Anthony Keidis in drag) I had relegated to honorable mention until she stepped on the elevator with me along with her friend (Ricki Lake, in a baby crib bedspread) and held the following exchange:

• AK: "Was this hotel here when I lived here?"
• RL: "Don't know blah blah drunk."
• AK: "Well, all I know is, Pete's Piano Bar was here."
• AK & RL: (Getting off elevator) "Drunken blah blah blah"

This post brought to you by the Blackberry Curve (TM) and its incredible facilitating of note-taking in public places.

List Challenge!

CNBC is reporting that a deal has been reached to end the writer's strike. According to Michael Eisner, "It's over. They made a deal. They shook hands on the deal." (note - for the sake of the blog, I ask that you ignore the fact that Michael Eisner is a studio has-been who now divides his time between guest hosting Charlie Rose and managing Topps Co., the well-known bubble gum and collectibles firm. Let's assume that he is still in-the-know)

Well Listers, what are the top 5 reasons this deal is the best news ever?

Best three Bollywood music videos.

An ever-changing list.

Well, except that #1 will always be #1.


#3. 80s-Style Bollywood, featuring weird animal heads and stork-like dancing!


via videosift.com

#2. Bollywood version of Roy Orbison’s Pretty Woman, featuring breakdancing in front of an American flag, Bolly-rap, and a gospel choir!




#1. Ganpat! Featuring a Bollywood-style Patrick Swayze and some white girls on a bus!

Things I Used To Know

1. The entire Periodic Table of the Elements
2. All the words to "They're Coming to Take Me Away"
3. The Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chip cookie recipe
4. U.S. Presidents in order
5. How to crochet a chain stitch
6. The number of electoral college votes for each state
   

Business Trips

Some things I like:

• At the Westin, if you miss your wake-up call, they will send someone up to your room to knock on the door. Sometimes, they even come inside. Now that's a snooze button.
  
• Valets. They are so ... vibrant.
  
• One-cup coffee makers. No waiting around for the stuff you are going to waste anyway.
• Newspapers. (I never read them.)
  

Some things I hate:

• Elevators. Up or down.
  
• Valet parking. Please stop hovering & just let me get my stuff. Go back over there where I can just see you (see above).
  
• Room service. Convenient, but bad for the stomach. And sometimes confusing. I once ate a bowl of Heinz 57.
  
• The fucking inoperable alarm clocks.
  

Back to work now. I love business trips!

Why Will Ferrell Will Never Not Be Funny

5. He's the only funny Bush impersonator ever


4. He makes even Texas fans want to root for USC


3. Without question the best commercial during the most boring football game ever


2. This one just speaks for itself


1. What is this? I mean, seriously, nobody else could make this so funny

quote of the day, from Pushing Daisies

""On the list of things I'd like, cuddling a monkey and going to Medieval Times are right next to constipation and diphtheria."

What I'm might give up for Lent

In order of likelihood

5. Alcoh...nevermind
4. Smoking - my perpetual Lenten sacrifice. Five years strong. Twice I have ended up quitting for nearly a year. Given response #5, doubtful.
3. Lying to homeless people about the contents of my wallet - starting to feel guilty about this one, and I think the ones I always see at the bar are on to me.
2. Eating in between meals - I realize it's probably for vanity purposes, not penance, but summer will be here before I know it.
1. Nothing

5 Reasons Why This Is the Best Idea I Ever Had

1. I never wanted to go to Mardi Gras before. Now I do. A lot.
   
2. If Jon ever gets fired from Waterloo, his resume is at the ready.
3. That country ballet spectacular.
   
4. I inadvertently named it after a Lili Taylor movie.
   
5. Cranial Sacral and Rolfing.
   

Types of Bodywork (or Energy Work) I have received.

In descending order of frequency.

- Deep Tissue Massage
- Polarity Therapy
- Acupuncture
- Reiki
- Cranial Sacral
- Chiropractic
- Shiatsu
- Rosen Method
- Swedish Massage
- Somatic Psychotherapy
- Aromatherapy Massage
- Thai Yoga Massage
- Rolfing
- Lomi-Lomi
- Hot Stone Massage

Things I Learned From TMZ Tonight

5. Britney is crazy but everyone around her is even crazier.
4. Brad Pitt is a baby and resents Tom Cruise for getting the Dukati before he did and now won't let Denzel or M.J. get one until he does.
3. Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel can get into restaurants without reservations (and they both voted for Obama).
2. Dan Aykroyd gave reasonable explanations to TMZ reporters as to why Obama or Hilary may win the election (and they called him out for "flip-flopping")
1. I could have spent my time burning ants with a magnifying glass and felt better about myself.

Why I'm Homesick Today

Happy Mardi Gras everyone! Now that I'm in the working world and living in Houston, this is the first Mardi Gras I've missed in 8 years. It seems unnatural to be working today, and I'm taking it pretty hard. Below are the top 5 reasons why I wish I were home.

5. Can't even go to Spanish Town - If I were unlucky enough to be in Baton Rouge for Mardi Gras, this parade was the place to be. An oasis of irreverence in the desert of prudishness that is Baton Rouge. When their signature pink flamingos start popping up in University Lake, you know its Mardi Gras season. Best alternative now…Galveston :(

4. Watching co-workers enjoy a supermarket king cake - King cake should only be made by people with mafia-sounding last names - Randazzo's, Bernardo's, Gambino's, etc. That Kroger pastry sitting on your secretary's desk and trying to pass itself off as king cake is crap.

3. No Rex to make me feel better about myself - The big daddy of parades. The King of Carnival. I love the spectacle of it all. Makes your fun/drunkard/embarrassing/fuzzy/regrettable weekend seem sort of culturally significant. The just-passed fun/drunkard/embarrassing/fuzzy/regrettable weekend was just useless.

2. No Plastic Cups - Beads are fine and all, but nothing beats parade cups. Practicality meets sentimentality. I save them all. Now I have nothing. It'll be like 2008 never even happened.

1. I Missed Muses - Easily the most fun parade. It rides Uptown on Thursday night so crowds aren't as bad as Endymion and Bacchus. It has good bands, great throws, and a stream of floats that doesn’t go on forever. It's an all female krewe made up of local doctor/lawyer types with a biting sense of humor. The theme is usually political and they pull no punches on the powers that be. In the past year we've had a presidential race, D.A. Jordan fired, Congressman Jefferson indicted, Senator Vitter caught with a hooker and Mayor Nagin (period). Probably was the best Muses yet.

Reasons I Hate Austen

10. He's too cool to contribute to this or any blog
9. He calls me to "chat"
8. He looks better in my jacket than I do
7. He corrects every pronunciation of every word I speak even if it's correct the first time
6. He falls asleep in movies
5. He has a car
4. He finally got a college degree only to work at W.A.Y.A.
3. He can't tell the difference between Blu-Ray and DVD
2. He constantly complains about my smoking and then lights up five minutes later
1. He won't even read this for a few weeks

Supporting Actress Oscar Nominee Snubs, 2007 version

my first of many Oscar lists I am sure...

1. Samantha Morton - Control
2. Kelly Macdonald - No Country for Old Men
3. Emmanuelle Seigner - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
4. Jennifer Garner - Juno
5. Catherine Keener - Into the Wild
6. Joan Allen - The Bourne Identity
7. Emily Mortimer - Lars and the Real Girl
8. Charlotte Gainsbourg - I'm Not There
9. Jennifer Jason Leigh - Margot at the Wedding
10. Helen Mirren - (for keeping her shit together in) National Treasure 2

That (sadly) leaves the following on the alternate shelf: Michelle Pfeiffer, Imelda Staunton, Zoe Bell (yes, Jon, I was that impressed), Leslie Mann, Allison Janney

Considering the five that did get nominated, I have to say it was a pretty good year for my favorite category.

p.s. Nerd.

Reasons I'm Glad I Watched the Miss America Pageant

4. Watching 8 beauty queens join former Marine, Miss Utah, as she dropped to the floor for push-ups when she was cut from the top 16 (yes, 16. don't ask)

3. Listening to the contestants introduce themselves in ways they thought were cute or clever. Like Miss Mississippi? Who said, in her deeply non-Southern newscaster voice, that she was from "M-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-humpback-humpback-I."

2. Being the only person on our trivia team who knew that Miss Michigan won (that was one question out of 60 for me).

1. Watching Miss Texas dance "jazz en pointe"(!) to "Rich Man's Frug" from Sweet Charity (aka The Aloof). It made me cringe and laugh at the same time. I can't find it on YouTube, but here is more of her genius in action.

Video Stores I Have Worked

1. Latest & Greatest Video (Houston 1989 - 6 months)
2. Blockbuster Video (Houston 1990 - 1992)
3. Home Video Plus Music (Austin 1992 - 1993)
4. Blockbuster Video (Austin 1993 - 1996)
5. Video One (Rutland 1996 - 1997)
6. Movie Place (New York 1998 - 2000)
7. Kim's Video (New York 2000 - two weeks)
8. Movie Place (New York 2000 - 2001)
9. FYE (Enfield 2001 - 4 months)
10. Waterloo Video (2004 - present day)

Quote of the Day

"If it ain't, it'll do till the mess gets here."

Top 10 Coolest Movies Ever Made

1. Fight Club
2. Rounders
3. Bullitt
4. Get Carter
5. The Matrix
6. Seven
7. Jackie Brown
8. Point Blank
9. Long Kiss Goodnight
10. Lethal Weapon

Happy Birthday, Boxcar! (or: my inaugural list)

Things I did for Boxcar's birthday.

1. Performed "Without Me" on karaoke
2. Bought some drinks
3. Went to Band of Horses show
   
4. Finished his Ms. Pacman game (I still beat him)
5. Started this blog
6. Selected "Rounders 3" as the theme because he thinks "Rounders" is so cool
7. Thought about buying something but got nothing
8. I think I will start that other blog too.
   
9. Since I want this list to be 10 things I will also say, drove to Austin
   
10. Well, this is sad. I don't have 10. I guess this one can be an IOU.
    

inaugural quote

"Tell that stupid Mick he just made my list of things to do today."
- Max Fischer