things i am excited about over the next 30 days

• the rest of my queue de grace on Vitagraph, American
• finishing smokers (seriously close)
• starting a new script
  
• julie's post(s) about her family reunion
• bad teacher, tree of life, captain america
• losing another 10 lbs
• getting ***** a bootleg copy of dexter season 5 to watch after she gets her wisdom teeth removed and therefore winning her over only to deny her afterwards
  
• the series finales of the killing and game of thrones
• evening out my farmer's tan
• fourth of July (even though I'm not doing anything)
  
• flying to TEXAS and seeing my favorite people in the world
  

The Hangover Part III

This is what happened last weekend to the best of my memory (and not even my normal horrible memory) in order of how I remember it.

• I made myself a pretty strong drink to prepare myself for a "date". For those of you who know me, I don't go on dates. This may have been my first ever.
  
• Met ***** for dinner at a nearby sushi place. We had pleasant conversation and a nice dinner and a beer apiece.
• ***** thought it would be fun if we went to Pineapple Hill afterwards for some drinks and karaoke. I told her talking me into karaoke is about as difficult as talking a girl into shopping.
• We arrived @ 8:30 (karaoke starts at 9) and had a couple of drinks and signed up for karaoke.

{a little background on Pineapple Hill. it - is - a - shithole. there is no stage. you get two wireless microphones and sing wherever you please. the clientele ranges from emo 21 year-olds to old married couples. karaoke ranges from the same. therefore it - is - awesome}

• ***** signed us up for the first song of the night (Rolling in the Deep). I told her I would sing with her but since I don't know the song AT ALL I mostly stood there with my mic in hand and watched her sing it. She did a good job considering.
• We had a lot more drinks.
• I signed us up for the second song of the night but told her it would be a surprise. About thirty minutes later it was our turn again and we sang Billionaire. Well, I SANG Billionaire (yes, including the rap part) and she stood holding the mic -- perhaps out of revenge, perhaps because she didn't know the song, or perhaps because I ROCKED THE SHIT out of it.
• Many many more drinks (for the record, ***** drank bud light and I drank vodka sodas - this will come into play later).
• We discussed the infinite possibilities of song choices (there is NO LIST) until finally realizing our shared love for Glee and then eventually chose Dream On as our next song.
• I remember singing..."every time that I look in the mirror..."

.... THE NEXT MORNING .....

• I woke up on the couch in my apartment to my roommate standing over me and grinning like an idiot. It was 7:00 am. My roommate is a nice guy, btw, but incredibly awkward and looks like the lovechild of Chris Farley and Harry (from Harry and the Hendersons).
• Once I figured out where I was and why my head felt like I put a drill through it, my roommate smiled and said..."so I had an interesting morning." I asked him what he meant and he said..."I woke up to a girl in my bed. But once she realized I wasn't you she ran out of the room and slammed the door."
• I jumped off the sofa and went into my room to find ***** waking up, obviously embarrassed. I asked her about ending up in my roommates bed and she said she had to use the bathroom and must have gone in THE WRONG DOOR.
• She even remembered thinking "boy Jon sure does snore loudly". Which I think I do but that's besides the point.
• It was at this point that we both realized that she wasn't wearing anything below the equator. Nothing. And apparently that's how she was when she accidentally ended up in bed with my roommate.
• Twenty minutes later we found her pants and underwear under my bed and started to piece the night together.
• I checked my bank account to discover that, between the two of us, we managed to ring up $115.00 tab at the bar. Again, she drank bud light.
• Neither one of us remembers doing anything physical except, perhaps, holding hands on the walk home.
• I later learned from a friend who showed up at the bar (and was concerned enough that he almost told the waitress to cut us off) that ***** and I sang yet another song before we left the bar. Pink's Please Don't Leave Me. He said it was pretty awful.
• My left knee hurt really badly for the next couple of days and I have a bruise on my ass? Oh, and scratch marks on my side.
• I will never show my face at Pineapple Hill again. For obvious reasons. And for that matter, should probably never go on a "date" again.
  

Pearls of Wisdom From My Mother

I am looking forward to possibly adding to this list after all the togetherness of the family reunion next week.

My Mother On Farmville:

"I will never in my wildest dreams understand how somebody gets a kick out of clobbering somebody's groundhog or watering somebody's strawberries."

My Mother On a Self-Created Obligation:

"So no matter how negative and bitter she is, I try to call her once a week and listen to her complain. [pause, trying not to smile] I feel it's the Christian thing to do."

My Mother On Men:

"Never trust anyone with his hair slicked back without a part. Think about it--I'm right."