Overheard at the Family Reunion 2010

I really should have kept better notes, but here goes.

"That girl was on drugs and really messed up my haircut. And I'm gonna tell her that, too. As soon as she gets out of jail."

"Those horses follow one right behind the other. Until one of 'em craps."

My brother to me, following a really unfortunate incident that I should have been able to avoid (I must stress that this is commentary, NOT a request):
"How 'bout that shirtless hug?"

My mom--in a cabin full of middle-aged sober women, including me--to the shirtless step-cousin, who had just given a drunken speech about how to avoid public drunkenness charges in Arkansas. Cheery voice.
"Well, that is just GREAT information for everyone in this room."

Guess who--when asked which movie he had just spent the last (I want to say 2 hours, but really more like) 10 minutes explaining. As a warning to me, I should add, when he found out I'm going to Italy.
"It's called Taken. Or Tooken--I'm not sure."

50-something man obsessed with his new fancy camera, to 8 year-old girl:
"Look--it's a close-up of the hair between your eyebrows."

A Good Spell, Anyway

• What I say - I've known her for 20 years.
• What the Real Housewives of New York say - I know her for 20 years.
• What my mom and aunts say - I've been knowing her for 20 years.
  

Ten of the worst things on Earth, according to PJenkins

Not counting the really awful, terrible, life-threatening things, like oil spills, Sarah Palin, and suicide bombs.  

• Wasabi peas
• Mosquitos
• High school "friends" on Facebook
• Jay Leno
• Unruly eyebrows
• Car payments
• Hot electronic devices
• Elevators with no circulation
• Dry cuticles
• Unsolicited (career, relationship, financial or general life) advice