my favorite things jesse palmer said during the texas game tonight

1. The Aggies are really sucking face tonight.

That's it...but it was really funny.

More pearls from BT

About the MHMR group that sits next to us at the football game, after telling us they sang the Star Spangled Banner wrong:

• "It's not good to make fun of them though."

Regarding his future college plans and career goals:

• Is computer science in college cool or gay?
• How much moolah can you make 'cause I wanna pull in some bitches.
• I jus wat ever I do pays cause Scarface said that's for you get the babes. [sic]
  
• Flores says wat it do. [sic]
  

most shocking thing I read today

{Honest Mother}Okay, so the plumber is here (remember post from Tuesday) and says that there is nothing wrong with the toilet. It is the size of the bm that is going down... So, how does one tell a teenage girl that her poop is too big and that she has to do a courtesy flush before she wipes so the two don't go down at the same time??? There must be a tactful way of handling this, right???

S***H*** likes this.

C*** B*** C***

oh my! I'd like to see you keep a straight face while "explaining" that one!

25 minutes ago
J*** U***

Well, you certainly don't tell that teenage girl that you put it on fb for the whole world to see! LOL!!

15 minutes ago

*******************************

[to the family member of the author of this status update: I hope you don't mind.....]

things I overheard today

• I don't think cavemen had Chinese food.
• I guess Chinese cavemen ate rice.

cheeks

Yesterday I got my haircut. I was mesmerized by the size of my cheeks in the mirror. They are forming large semi-circles from below my ears to my chin.
In honor of my cheeks, here are some things I ate today.

* cornbread
* buffalo wings
* chips and artichoke dip
* pulled pork sandwich
* sweet potato fries
* Hershey kisses
* cashews (several fistfuls)
* chili cheese dog

Also this weekend I was at mom and dad's. That included many cookies, lots of cake, Dr. Pepper, and fried steak and chicken. Unfortunately no manicotti. Thanks, Derek.

TV shows I totally meant to watch every episode of (or more than 2) but didn't

*Sports Night
*Battlestar Galactica (new - I saw all the old ones)
*Nurse Jackie
*Bored to Death
*The Good Wife
*Flashforward
*Weeds
*Dirty Sexy Money
*True Blood
*Central Park West

Brilliant signs at the Rockets game

A group of people (geniuses) made some signs to taunt the players of the Grizzlies during warm-ups. These people were all standing in a row shoving these toward the players faces on the court. The Grizzlies line-up:

• Rudy Gay
• Marcus Williams
• Zack Randolph
• O.J. Mayo
• Marc Gasol
• and Allen Iverson recently quit the team.

The signs:

• Rudy Gay (written in a crude sketch of something resembling a tube of toothpaste)
• Marcus Will.I.Am.Not
• Zack Randoff (*off* was underlined)
• O.J. Hold the Mayo
• Marc out of Gasol (*gas* was underlined)
• Allen I've Given Up Erson

Fuck yeah. Go Houston.

Things made for children but are equally enjoyable for adults

1. Baby wipes
2. Cocoa Puffs