In chronological order
...and her voice is kind of annoying...
Oh, her voice is the FIRST thing that annoys you!
I'm not going to turn down a beer.
When you google stuff, are you actually googling it or safari-ing it?
Why not?
I've just never wanted to.
You should do it! Put it on your bucket list.
A bucket list is supposed to be shit you WANT to do.
Somebody called me to sell me something, so I started talking like Bobcat Gold-wait.
Terry's in jail?
Mmmhmmm. And that's probably why he's not on Facebook.
They've reopened the case. You know I kept that book all these years. I had it before anybody knew it was a book... Lori stole it.
[On a bet regarding his just-born daughter's weight with the doctor who had just delivered her] Well, Doc, you've kinda got an advantage. You're holding her. I'd have to hold her by the mouth over the side of a boat.
It goes for $400 an ounce.
[bat guano]
Hey, Julie. You wanna go fishing?
Old Leon W*****d's glasses didn't help, so he threw 'em away. One morning he got up in Houston to drive to Las Vegas. Said all he could see was the white line, so he followed that white line all the way to Vegas.
Now, listen to this shit (and I deserved it).
I love the smell of the woods. It's so...woodsy.
Nowadays people are defrauding their own self.
[Recitation of pi to the first 100 digits--he knows 547]
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