Things I should do so I can be as pretty as America Ferrera

• Wear earrings
• Wear lipstick
• Maybe wear makeup in general
• Wax my eyebrows
• Make it so that when people look at my face they can tell what I am thinking
• Maybe not what I am thinking, but THAT I am thinking
• Wait, maybe that’s already true
• Ask T****** if that’s already true
• Per T******, strike the one about the face thing
• Per this web series I am watching that she is in, I should also moisturize my hands before bed, and also wear those undereye paper-mask things before bed, to make my undereyes look good
• Be eight years younger

Three words I knowingly misuse

1. Hovel—I like to use this word to mean “a messy apartment”
2. Akimbo—I like to imagine that “arms akimbo” doesn’t mean hands on hips, but rather means that someone is frantically waving his or her arms in the air
3. Pathological—I like to use this word to mean weird or contradictory behavior

I Might - ACL Fest 2012 Edition

• Have walked home tonight from Zilker Park (only after first walking the other direction for 20 minutes through the Taxi line until I decided F this S)
• Have some major blisters on my feet
• Secretly think this will cause me to wake up 20 pounds lighter
• Be naked but look like a lobster in a white tshirt
• Only want to see 2 shows tomorrow--one at 11:30 IN THE MORNING and one at 6:15 in the evening (and I saw the pm folks at SXSW a few years ago, and even though I love their new album, live = zzzzzzzzzz)
• Not go back tomorrow

Services I would pay for

• Someone to moisturize me
• Someone to remind me, when I’m at the market, that I need toilet paper or sparkling wine
• Someone to keep track of all of the projects I think up, and then remind me of some of them when I’m bored
• Someone to read my mind about what I want from all of my technologies and then program said technologies to do those things
• Someone to find me my next (and perfect) job
•  Someone to read the mind of my cat when he’s acting like insanity on legs
• Someone to wash and put away the cutleries

Great ideas I’ve had this week

“You should come up with a multiphase plan to woo Pilar.”

“Instead of writing her a check, I think I’ll just give her a $100
bill. Everyone loves having a hunsky.”

“I’d like Indian food for dinner. And a cocktail.”

“I should go back in time to when I was a kid and become good at
volleyball and then become a beach volleyball player and then now be
retiring from the Olympic team. This plan seems more likely than me
ever getting a new job.”

“I need a mnemonic device to remember which Olsen twin it is that I like.”

“Let’s open a hidden ladies’ lounge called Powder Room.”

“I should update my blog.”

List Karen made while we're teaching tax training