Reasons Why I Love This Commercial

1. It is, without question, the best commercial ever made.
2. See above.

Goals for End of Year 2011

I found this sitting on a coworker's desk the other day:

Movies I MUST Watch If They're On TV

These movies come on tv all the time and I find myself watching at least one of them a week. (I watched Cocktail yesterday and I'm watching Gladiator right now.)

• Coming to America
• Backdraft
• Cocktail
• Liar Liar
• Gladiator
• X-Men
• Tremors
• The Quick and the Dead
• Kindergarten Cop
• Dumb and Dumber
• License to Drive
• Pee Wee's Big Adventure
• Ace Venture: Pet Detective
• Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
• Silence of the Lambs
• Hannibal
• Home Alone
• Stand By Me

Shitty Marketing

I got a catalog in the mail this week. Here is everything written on page 1 of this catalog, and my thoughts:

• We know you... (Do you? Good! Sell me some stuff!)
• In the summer, you think about winter. (False)
• In the winter, you wake up at 5 a.m. (LMFAO)  
• to get to the first chair (What? I'm in band?)
• You know what rock star parking is and how to get it. (What are you talking about?)
• Or you just started riding and you love the rush of that first linked turn. [Looks at cover again.]
• You can't sleep the night before a powder day. (Oh, I see. False.)
• You know every secret hit on your favorite run or you just got your first-ever air. (False)
• You're teaching your kids how to ski. (Now that is just really some terrible market research.)
• You hike for 2 hours to snowboard for 10 minutes down an untouched run. (Who?)
• You know that having friends on a powder day means the day will be that much better. (False)
• You know that apres means after. (What does that have to do with anything?)
• You ride because it's fun. (False)
• We know you ... because we are just like you. (List.)

Last Four Subjects on My Phone's Camera Roll

starting from most recent:

• Gayle Simmons
• Dolly Parton
• My nephew
  
• Derek with moustache sunglasses

Silent Auction committee

How did these 4 women come to be on a committee together

Susie Cunningham
Berthica Fitzsimons
Bertha Sabir
Susie Streller

TV - Fall 2011

I gave a lot of shows a chance this season (more than usual), so here's a list of where they fell out:

Winner:
Parks and Recreation

New dramas I will continue to watch:
Revenge
Prime Suspect
Homeland
American Horror Story

New shows that I think I like a lot, although I would hate them with different female leads:
The New Girl
Raising Hope
Up All Night
Free Agents 

New shows I watched one (or more) full episodes of, but the additional episodes have confirmed they are pretty terrible, and I have stopped watching:
Terra Nova
Pan Am
Ringer
Person of Interest

New shows I watched less than 30 minutes of, and even that was too much:
The Playboy Club
2 Broke Girls
Hart of Dixie
Suburgatory
A Gifted Man

Returning shows I must realize sooner or later I just do not like and I am going to stop watching:
Community
Boardwalk Empire
The Office 

Shows I wish had a new season this fall:
Game of Thrones
Mad Men 

List anything birthday edition

My Birthday was last week. I received cards from the following "people"

Grace Hoffman (my grandma)
Rhonda and Joe Morris (my fake in-laws)
Janice Vyrol (my insurance agent)
The McCombs School of Business
Sunglasses Hut
Starbucks

Reasons I Love This Commercial

1. She is blind and has a walking stick. She would be able to figure out that there's a suitcase in front of her without some strange man moving it.
2. No way that guy plays soccer.
3. No way that girl WATCHES soccer.
4. People that good looking who ride public transportation live in New York or L.A. or Chicago and they would never, ever, be late for work to help some old man collect his "papers".
5. Thank GOD that man stopped that 2lb rubber tube from rolling into the sand. Whew!
6. That lady raking her leaves would have been like "bitch, worry about your own yard".
7. That guy is just a little creepy while he washes his car and looks at the ladies raking leaves.
8. Seriously? Who would leave a huge puddle of coffee on the break room floor?
9. Oh, that bitch who considers it a HUGE UNDERTAKING to hold a door for a BLIND WOMAN.
   

I seriously cannot stop laughing at the idea that the ONLY reason she held the door for the BLIND WOMAN was because she witnessed the miracle that was a co-worker cleaning up a mess on the floor.

Thank you, goodnight.

Missed Connections (Twitter Version)

This weekend, 70,000+ people congregated on a small piece of land in mountainous West Virginia for the the #lsu -#wvu game. That meant no cell service, let alone a data connection. So here's the tweets that never made it out of my "drafts" folder.

1. Way to go #wvu for your forward-thinking campus transit! Such an inexpensive and efficient way to move 6 or fewer ppl at a time

2. Glad to see #wvu fans tailgating RV-style. But I think they actually live in these little guys

3. Made it to my seat. Not the best field view but GREAT view of #wvu's finest and a fence

4. The game has just started but its #wvu 1 - #lsu 0. #beerinthestands!

5. I've seen in DWI lawyer cards in #tigerland bars, but this was unexpected and awesome

6. The feather in one #lsu fan's cap after a hard fought on-the-road victory: a Pontiac Grand Prix limo ride back to the hotel

Paradise

I was searching my itunes for the new Slow Club album, Paradise. It turns out I don't have it. I do however, have 12 other songs with the word paradise.

Gangsta's Paradise - Coolio
May the Bird of Paradise Fly up Your Nose - Little Jimmy Dickens
Almost Paradise (Love Theme from Footloose) - Mike Reno & Ann Wilson
Welcome to Paradise - Green Day
Paradise City - Guns N' Roses
Paradise Here Abouts - Howe Gelb
Trouble in Paradise - Huey Lews and The News
Cheeseburger in Paradise - Jimmy Buffett
Paradise - New Order
Paradise Cove - Peter Yorn
Paradise is Here - Tina Turner
Fool's Paradise - Willie Nelson

Things I have ordered online since August 7

The Weeknight Survival Cookbook: How to Make Healthy Meals in 10 Minutes

Victorinox 5-Inch Mini-Chef's Knife with Fibrox Handle

Anker 2 x 1900mAh Battery for HTC Sensation + Free Anker Multi-purpose USB Travel Charger

HTC Sensation

200 Plastic Collar Stays in a Box, 3 Sizes

Bausch & Lomb Sensitive Eyes Rewetting Drops, 1-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 3)

Syma S107/S107G R/C Helicopter - Colors may vary

Hamilton Beach 33967 Set 'n Forget 6-Quart Programmable Slow Cooker

The Shave Well Company a TRULY FOG FREE Shower Shave Mirror. Truly fogless by design. Will not fall off of the wall.

FoodSaver V2244 Advanced Design Vacuum Sealer

Toshiba Canvio Basics Portable Hard Drive 320 GB USB 2.0 External Hard Drive E05A032BAU2XK Black

FoodSaver T03-0006-01 Regular-Mouth Jar Sealer

Canon EOS Rebel T3 12.2 MP CMOS Digital SLR with 18-55mm IS II Lens and EOS HD Movie Mode (Black)

Canon EF-S 55-250mm f/4.0-5.6 IS Telephoto Zoom Lens for Canon Digital SLR Cameras

Tiffen 58mm UV Protection Filter

Canon EF 75-300mm f/4-5.6 III Telephoto Zoom Lens for Canon SLR Cameras

Canon PIXMA Pro9000 Mark II Inkjet Photo Printer (3295B002)

Weber cooking grids for Q300 & Q320

Glasses

Mates of State W/ The Generationals

Cole Haan Santa Barbara

Best/Worst Things I Have Heard Recently

I found most of these in a file called "List Anything Drafts" (which is from 3+ years ago-ish and is either a gold mine or is full of stuff I've already used but don't recall. There was one list of 3 things called "Best Things I Have Said Recently," and it included this statement that I 1) do not remember saying 2) can not imagine saying: "To the guy in a the cowboy hat at the bar at Ginny's Little Longhorn: Are you just going to stare at me all night, or are you going to ask me to dance?") Anyway, here are some things I've heard. "Recently."

"I live in the neighborhood now. I just moved here 2 hours ago. Yeah, I live in the RV in Bobby's driveway."

I won't say who, or why I keep trying to get him/her to stop, but someone I know keeps using the term "tar baby" in conversation.

"Being in roller derby really taught me how to vamp."

"I'm going to let you two mingle." -- a lady I was enjoying talking to, though obviously the feeling was not mutual.

Intern: "Do you know Saxon Fox?"
Coworker1: "Hell, yeah."
Intern: "Is that a guy or a girl?"
Coworker1: "THAT. Is a Lady."
Coworker2: "That's a WOMAN!"
[laughter]
Intern: "Well, I was about to call her but didn't want to ask for Mr. or Ms. Saxon Fox..." [picks up phone] [puts phone down] "I can't do it right now."

"My children think that downtown is the place you come to see hobos, as they call them."

[YAWN] "It's about that time of day." From the night guard in my building. At 5 o'clock.

A lunchtime list

Since J and I ran out of topics to discuss over our lunch of GreeNoodles(TM), I suggested we spend 20 minutes trying to think of all the one-named musicians we could, without looking anything up:

• Aaliyah
• Adele
• Apollonia
• Beyonce
• Bjork
• Bono
• Brandi
• Cher 
• Ciara
• Diddy 
• Dido
• Edge
• Feist
• Fergie
• Goapele
• Hammer
• Kelis
• Ke$ha
• Kwame
• Ledisi
• Madonna
• Maxwell
• Monica
• Morrissey
• Nelly
• Ne-Yo
• Peaches
• Prince
• Rihanna
• Sade
• Sting
• Timbaland
• Tricky
• Will.i.am

things i am excited about over the next 30 days

• the rest of my queue de grace on Vitagraph, American
• finishing smokers (seriously close)
• starting a new script
  
• julie's post(s) about her family reunion
• bad teacher, tree of life, captain america
• losing another 10 lbs
• getting ***** a bootleg copy of dexter season 5 to watch after she gets her wisdom teeth removed and therefore winning her over only to deny her afterwards
  
• the series finales of the killing and game of thrones
• evening out my farmer's tan
• fourth of July (even though I'm not doing anything)
  
• flying to TEXAS and seeing my favorite people in the world
  

The Hangover Part III

This is what happened last weekend to the best of my memory (and not even my normal horrible memory) in order of how I remember it.

• I made myself a pretty strong drink to prepare myself for a "date". For those of you who know me, I don't go on dates. This may have been my first ever.
  
• Met ***** for dinner at a nearby sushi place. We had pleasant conversation and a nice dinner and a beer apiece.
• ***** thought it would be fun if we went to Pineapple Hill afterwards for some drinks and karaoke. I told her talking me into karaoke is about as difficult as talking a girl into shopping.
• We arrived @ 8:30 (karaoke starts at 9) and had a couple of drinks and signed up for karaoke.

{a little background on Pineapple Hill. it - is - a - shithole. there is no stage. you get two wireless microphones and sing wherever you please. the clientele ranges from emo 21 year-olds to old married couples. karaoke ranges from the same. therefore it - is - awesome}

• ***** signed us up for the first song of the night (Rolling in the Deep). I told her I would sing with her but since I don't know the song AT ALL I mostly stood there with my mic in hand and watched her sing it. She did a good job considering.
• We had a lot more drinks.
• I signed us up for the second song of the night but told her it would be a surprise. About thirty minutes later it was our turn again and we sang Billionaire. Well, I SANG Billionaire (yes, including the rap part) and she stood holding the mic -- perhaps out of revenge, perhaps because she didn't know the song, or perhaps because I ROCKED THE SHIT out of it.
• Many many more drinks (for the record, ***** drank bud light and I drank vodka sodas - this will come into play later).
• We discussed the infinite possibilities of song choices (there is NO LIST) until finally realizing our shared love for Glee and then eventually chose Dream On as our next song.
• I remember singing..."every time that I look in the mirror..."

.... THE NEXT MORNING .....

• I woke up on the couch in my apartment to my roommate standing over me and grinning like an idiot. It was 7:00 am. My roommate is a nice guy, btw, but incredibly awkward and looks like the lovechild of Chris Farley and Harry (from Harry and the Hendersons).
• Once I figured out where I was and why my head felt like I put a drill through it, my roommate smiled and said..."so I had an interesting morning." I asked him what he meant and he said..."I woke up to a girl in my bed. But once she realized I wasn't you she ran out of the room and slammed the door."
• I jumped off the sofa and went into my room to find ***** waking up, obviously embarrassed. I asked her about ending up in my roommates bed and she said she had to use the bathroom and must have gone in THE WRONG DOOR.
• She even remembered thinking "boy Jon sure does snore loudly". Which I think I do but that's besides the point.
• It was at this point that we both realized that she wasn't wearing anything below the equator. Nothing. And apparently that's how she was when she accidentally ended up in bed with my roommate.
• Twenty minutes later we found her pants and underwear under my bed and started to piece the night together.
• I checked my bank account to discover that, between the two of us, we managed to ring up $115.00 tab at the bar. Again, she drank bud light.
• Neither one of us remembers doing anything physical except, perhaps, holding hands on the walk home.
• I later learned from a friend who showed up at the bar (and was concerned enough that he almost told the waitress to cut us off) that ***** and I sang yet another song before we left the bar. Pink's Please Don't Leave Me. He said it was pretty awful.
• My left knee hurt really badly for the next couple of days and I have a bruise on my ass? Oh, and scratch marks on my side.
• I will never show my face at Pineapple Hill again. For obvious reasons. And for that matter, should probably never go on a "date" again.
  

Pearls of Wisdom From My Mother

I am looking forward to possibly adding to this list after all the togetherness of the family reunion next week.

My Mother On Farmville:

"I will never in my wildest dreams understand how somebody gets a kick out of clobbering somebody's groundhog or watering somebody's strawberries."

My Mother On a Self-Created Obligation:

"So no matter how negative and bitter she is, I try to call her once a week and listen to her complain. [pause, trying not to smile] I feel it's the Christian thing to do."

My Mother On Men:

"Never trust anyone with his hair slicked back without a part. Think about it--I'm right."

HEEYYYYY! These R frm mybestESTfriend f0r ever and ever forEVER!! (: ♥

Tuesday...




















Wednesday...



















Thursday...
That's me kickin' it by the tree, and my BFF Ash hangin' in the hills under the sun!!!















Aaaaand - of course, Friday:

Publish Post

Horrible* Day

*On a scale of Awesome to Actually Horrible, this day might fall more in the Mildly Annoying Category. But still.

1. Bad things happened.
2. I made a list.
3. I deleted that list.
4. You're welcome.
   

Mother's Day Special Screenings at the Alamo Drafthouse

• National Velvet
• Mamma Mia
• Steel Magnolias
• Mommie Dearest
  

OKC Airport - I love you

Observations from the bar by Gate 10

Very distressed Filipino bar tender. Do not order multiple items at a time she will flip out.

Traveling business man who orders a Mike's Hard Lemonade on ice because he is hot.

Someone who looks like he is related to the White's of West Virginia. He is looking a hotel room in Columbus Ohio that allows smoking and accepts corporate lodging. Whatever that means. - The Holiday Inn does not - he is distraught! He is also 5 ft 6in and weighs 100lbs. Note bartender does not like him.

Two hot guys watching baseball and playing on their computers.

Old man lawyer type eating chips and salsa.

Couple in mid 30's - Husband orders bud light in bottle - they only have draft so he gets a Guinness instead - really?!?! If this were Texas I would say they were Aggies - so prob went to OK State. But you get the picture. He is wearing cargo shorts and Oakley's

I so wish I could take pictures. No such luck with out being super obvious.

OMG....bartender is really trying to give guy with sleeveless shirt and camo hat chips and salsa since kitchen is now closed (at 7pm!) she just got pitcher of salsa out of fridge like it was a selling point.

Man i wish i had a video camera. this is pure gold.

People I Have Met

• Lt. Officer
• Father Priest
• Uncle Bubba
  

Movies I watch on a semiannual basis*

*Non-comprehensive, but in roughly the order in which I began watching them on a semiannual basis.

• Mary Poppins
• The Jerk
• Dirty Dancing
• When Harry Met Sally
• Hair
• Fear of a Black Hat
• Love Jones
• Magnolia
• The Matrix
• Fight Club
• Unbreakable
• High Fidelity
• Joe Dirt
• Napoleon Dynamite
• Bourne Trilogy
• Kill Bills
• Brick

Things my cat does impressions of

Sounds:
Cow
Cow noisemaker, like from the film Delicatessen
Goat
Infant
Pigeon
Vibrating phone

Mannerisms:
Boxer
Bunny rabbit
Kangaroo

Things I Bought From A**z*n In February

Why the Sleep Cycle App Is Awesome*

1. It only costs 99 cents.
2. It monitors your sleep cycles (based on how much you're moving around) using the iPhone's accelerometer.
3. It taught me that the iPhone has an accelerometer, and also what that is.
4. It charts that s**t!
   
5. It wakes you up with your choice of pleasant sounds around the time you need to be up (default is a 30-minute window)--but it waits until you are in a light sleep, thereby avoiding the disoriented, groggy, can't-recover-all-day-long feeling that you get when jarred awake from deep sleep.
6. Did I mention the charts? Charts!
   
7. I actually feel really good today.
   

*All based on one night/morning of use

Things I Forgot to Talk to Boxcar About the Other Night

1. Black Swan
2. Easy A
3. Why One of Those Is CLEARLY Superior to the Other
   

Pizza Night

I had some people over tonight and we made pizzas. Here is everything we cooked:

1. Cheese
   
2. Pepperoni and red pepper
   
3. Margherita
4. Spinach, feta, red pepper
   
5. Pepperoni
   
6. Pepperoni, green olive, jalapeno
   
7. Pepperoni, garlic, red pepper, feta, spinach
8. Pepperoni, onion, red pepper
9. Boudin, garlic, basil, Tabasco
   
10. Peanut butter, chocolate chips, butterscotch chips and Golden Crisp cereal

This is the cheese that we started with.




















Here is the boudin pizza. I will make this again.













Here is the dessert before




















And after. It was pretty damn good.

Things I like about my Galaxy tablet

• The new Blogger app, JIT
• This bulletpoint dot I just found on the keyboard
• My German dictionary and travel apps
• Fits in my left hand (probably right also)
• Mobile Google Reader
• Reading Twitter is way easier on a touchscreen
• Swype!
• Austen loves gadgets like this, so he loaded everything for me
• Ease of usage in places like coffee shops, couches, and bathrooms
• Public domain book downloads (it pays for itself!)

PJenkins' Pre-2010-Oscar-Nomination Overkill

It's that time of year! Oscar nominations are announced tomorrow morning, and with that in mind I present the following lists:

Things that will probably happen that will make me very, very happy:

• Black Swan gets nominated for lots of things, including Cinematography and Directing (but not necessarily for Buster's dream girl)
• The Fighter gets nominated for lots of things, including Editing and Directing and Costume Design (and maybe even Marky Mark?!)
• True Grit gets nominated for lots of things, including Cinematography (give this man an Oscar already!)

Other things that might happen that would fill me with joy and delight (but I'm not holding my breath):

• Never Let Me Go gets nominated for best Score
• Blue Valentine pulls nominations for both Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams
• Dianne Wiest, Jacki Weaver, Miranda Richardson, or Barbara Hershey get nominated for Best Supporting Actress (I like my older ladies)
• I Am Love gets nominated for Cinematography  

Other things that would make me jump up from the couch but these things won't happen and that's OK because then I won't spill my coffee all over myself:

• Tilda Swinton gets nominated for I Am Love
• Carey Mulligan gets nominated for Never Let Me Go
• Never Let Me Go gets nominated for anything else (particularly Best Original Song)
• Any of the ladies from Please Give get nominated
• Winter's Bone gets nominated for Art Direction or Costume Design. 

Things that would make me fly from my couch in an apoplectic orgy of surprise, horror, coffee burns, and total happiness:

• Juliette Lewis gets nominated for knocking the little pink balls on the back of my socks off in Conviction. Have you seen this, people?

Things I find strange about my own picks (which are after the jump, as they say, if you'd care to read them (superlong list!)):

• Three of my all-time favorite actors (of all time!) are up this year, and they aren't even in my own list! Sorry Robert Duvall, Jeff Bridges, and Sam Rockwell. Don't call me biased. I won't mind if they're in, though, obvs.
• Two of my all-time favorite actresses are probably getting nominated this year but aren't even in my own list. Sorry to you too, Annette and Julianne. But let's be honest, this movie was no The Grifters or Safe.
• A lot of these actors I did pick are rilly young.

Care to see for yourself? Jump!

Things in my dining room that don't belong

Christmas Tree in box
Christmas tree skirt
3 purses
Electric drill
Austen's bathing suit
Wheely computer bag
2 Christmas gifts still in boxes
Styrofoam packaging from food processor

The Greatness of Neil Diamond

I just read this blog post and started thinking about how Neil Diamond doesn't get nearly the credit he deserves as a songwriter these days. It seems like everyone's preoccupied with trying to be funny and/or ironic to really appreciate how awesome he is. These are some of my favorite Neil Diamond songs, with some of the greatest songwriting of all time.

PS - Happy 70th, Neil!

Cell Phones I've Owned

In order from newest to oldest. I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but I gotta be pretty close. Thanks to Amazon order history and Gmail archives, I have the actual dates from some of these. The others are just guesses.

• HTC EVO 4G (September 13, 2010)
• Blackberry Bold 9000 (November 13, 2008)
• Blackberry Curve 8300 (October 28, 2007)
• Motorola V360 (2007)
• Nokia 6101 (2007)
• Motorola SLVR L6 (August 28, 2006)
• HTC Wizard (February 7, 2006)
• Motorola v600 (August 13, 2004)
• Nokia 6610 (2002)
• Nokia 6210 (2001)
• Nokia 8210 (2000)
• Sony Ericsson T28 (1999)
• Motorola MicroTAC 650 (1996)

Places I Miss in Austin

In no particular order. I'm sure I'll think of more.

• Casino El Camino
• Hoa Hoa
• Lucky J’s Chicken and Waffles
• Kebabalicious
• Plucker’s
• Sarah’s Mediterranean Grill
• House Park Barbecue
• Mean Eyed Cat
• Shoal Creek Saloon
• Crown and Anchor
• Posse East
• LaLa’s Little Nugget
• Ginny’s Little Longhorn
• The Poodle Dog Lounge
• Lavaca Street Bar
• Key Bar
• Butler Park Pitch and Putt
• Common Interest Karaoke Bar
• Shangri La
• Wahoo’s Fish Taco
• Deep Eddy Cabaret
• Thundercloud Subs
• Taco Shack
• Austin Java
• The Cedar Door
• Doc’s Motorworks
• The Mohawk
• Emo’s
• The Parish
• Hole in the Wall
• Spider House
• P. Terry’s
• The Side Bar
• Club DeVille
• Hyde Park Bar and Grill
• Hat Creek Burger Co.
• Scoot Inn
• Galaxy Cafe
• Frank
• Moonshine
• Roppolo’s Pizzeria
• Hoek’s Death Metal Pizza
• Hot Dog King
• Mandola’s Italian Market
• The Jackalope
• The Broken Spoke
• Scholz Garten

Holiday Movie Watching

Inspired by Donald Glovers tweet this morning and my first retweet ever! I would link to it but can't figure out how to do that on iPad.

Here are some movies I have watched over the past 2 days in Blackjack and Humble

Romeo and Juliette ( Claire and Leo version)
The Proposal *
national Treasure
national Treasure 2*
the Town
return of the Jedi
transformers*

I am sure there will be more to come. In silent H town for 2 more days.......

* did not watch entire movie.

Found list Christmas edition 2010

This is a list I found on the island at my parent's house about an hour before we had Christmas Dinner. My brother cooked all of Christmas Dinner - so I am not sure why she needed to make this list.

I originally wrote this post on Christmas Day, but I just now got around to downloading the picture from my blackberry.