EMPIRICAL FACTS
1. Unit adjacent to my own is inhabited by 3 women, early twenties, possible recent college graduates.
2. Welcome mat outside of unit reads “Live, Laugh, Love”.
3. At approximately 8pm Saturday evening, I observed signs suggesting the early stages of a party. Terrible music being played at an especially loud volume, roving packs of douchedudes pouring out of cars and high-fiving their way to the unit, and a small brunette girl smoking a cigarette on the balcony who squealed “Hiyeee!” as I walked to my car.
4. The following morning I discovered a lipstick-stained Silo cup containing the last few sips of a mysterious pinkish/red beverage and a half-smoked slim cigarette in the exterior hallway outside of my own apartment.
5. A few moments later, one of said douchedudes - who I recognized from his tight black t-shirt with sparkly sequinned designs - came stumbling out of Live, Laugh and Love’s unit, then proceeded to the tricked out Toyota Camry where his boys were reverently waiting for their more “lucky” compatriot.
6. A few hours later, while passing the “Live, Laugh, Love” unit on my way to our parking garage, the three suspected neighbors emerged, tittering about brunch, followed by a trail of wake & bake pot smoke. I observed that their dress was much in the style of Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie circa three years ago, and noticed one of them talking to a squirrel in the front yard, inexplicably referring to it as “Joe”.
7. Last night I noted that one of the wireless networks displayed on my computer has been named “3Hookers”.
The investigation continues.
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