February 2014 MVPS

With no particular criteria in mind, I present to you this month's list of monthly MVPs (with assistance from TV* and the Olympics** because they took up so much time and the movie pickings were slim).

Gents of the month
Fabian Bourzat (French ice dancer)**
Montgomery Clift (The Search)
Gene Kelly (Cover Girl)
Joe Pantoliano (The Sopranos)*
Thomas Ulsrud (Norwegian curler and wearer of curling pants)**

 Ladies of the month
Eve Arden (Cover Girl)
Edie Falco (The Sopranos, Nurse Jackie)*
Yuna Kim (Korean figure skater)**
Jarmila Novotna (The Search)
Nathalie Pechalat (French ice dancer)**

Movies I Watched at Home in 2014, List #2 (February)

I didn't watch a lot of movies this month on account of the Olympics, houseguests, The Sopranos (season 3), Nurse Jackie (season 4), and the return of semi-compelling Sunday night TV.  But here's the few I got for you this month, and my DVR is 85% full of 31 days of Oscar for March catch-up viewing.

• From Here to Eternity (1953) C+ /  It's hard to deny the effect of showing the calm-before-the-storm (and knowing the storm is coming), but I'd prefer a less overwrought calm.  
• Charly (1968) D / Totally absurd. I wanted to turn it off when the opening credit montage included Cliff Robertson swinging on a swingset with his tongue sticking out.
• Blue Sky (1994) F / Every bit as shitty as I remembered. The horseride into the nuclear testing grounds (or whatever) has got to be top-5 in ridiculous movie moments.
• Cover Girl (1944) B+ / This story alone is probably an F. But add up the costumes (!), the production design, the singing, the dancing, Gene Kelly and his profile, and every, single, marvelous thing about Eve Arden and you get to a solid B+.
• The Search (1948) B+ / Tears in my eyes 8 minutes in (and sustained).

Live From the Red Carpet...Kathy and Steve

I wasn't planning on watching but then someone gave me the idea to write down what they said during the telecast.  I also wanted to see how long it would take before Steve mentioned American Idol.  These were written down, word for word.

• "I'm not used to seeing Ellen in black."
• "She is too much."
• "He was the bad guy?" (Kathy after recognizing Barkhad Abdi from Captain Phillips.  A movie she has seen.  Twice.)
• "Who's he?" (Steve asking whenever an actor appeared on screen that wasn't Leonardo DiCaprio)
• "He is too much."
• "Are these all clips from Toy Story?" (Steve asking when they played the compilation of animated films)
• "Channing Tatum.  Who's that?"
• "There's a big market for this." (Steve talking about animated films)
• "She is too much."
• "They all have teams.  Does it take that many people?" (Steve asking about visual effects nominees)
• "That would have been a cute number to do on American Idol." (Steve after the second nominated song - he then spoke for then minutes about how they sometimes do duets and how sometimes they are good and sometimes they are bad)
• "These are shorts?  How do you get anything done in forty minutes?"
• "Wow, there are so many movies."
• "What has Bradley Cooper been in?"
• "Jolie is probably her mom's last name.  Who's her mom?" (I then suggested that, perhaps, Jolie is a "stage name" and Steve insisted that usually stage names are the actor's middle name.)
• "He sounds Irish." (Steve when listening to Ewan McGregor speak.  But then he goes on to name THREE MOVIES that Viola Davis has been in!)
• "She has done some unusual movies." (Steve on Sandra Bullock.  You know...the risk taker)
• "This is a popular band?  His voice is awful."(Kathy upon seeing U2 perform)
• "I like the new logo." (Steve referring to the logo for the Oscars)
• "That's why they're sitting next to each other." (Steve after seeing a clip from August: Osage County and realizing that Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep were sitting close to each other)
• "Where have we seen her?" (Steve inquiring about Amy Adams)
• "Should have had Martina McBride sing it." (Steve after Pink finished Somewhere Over the Rainbow)
• "I told you, hon, that I was on a plane with Judy Garland, right?" (Steve.  He then went on to say it had to have been in the 70's some time.  Judy Garland died in 1969)
• "Who's that?" (Steve after watching clip from HER). "Joaquin Phoenix." (Me answering) "That's not Joaquin Phoenix." (Steve responding)
• "He's a great actor.  I mean, I remember the first time I saw him was that ocean liner movie." (Steve on Leonardo DiCaprio)
• "Oooh, Adele!" (Steve standing up and then being immediately disappointed that it was Idina Menzel)

January 2014 MVPs

With no particular criteria in mind, I present to you the inaugural list of monthly movie MVPs.

Gents of the month
Marlon Brando (On the Waterfront)
Robert Cummings (It Started with Eve)
Jack Kelly (To Hell and Back)
Burt Lancaster (Separate Tables)
Warren William (Lady for a Day)

Ladies of the month
Penelope Allen (Dog Day Afternoon)
Talullah Bankhead (Lifeboat)
Deanna Durbin (It Started with Eve)
Jean Arthur (The Whole Town's Talking)
Eva Marie Saint (On the Waterfront)

Movies I Watched at Home in 2014, List #1 (January)

I am continuing my list of movies I watched (from start to finish, no matter how boring). Same deal as before -- chronological order of watching with a comment or two. 

• The Master (2012) A-  /  I think I'd put Joaquin Phoenix on a list of all-time great performances. I went back and watched that "don't blink" scene three times at least.
• Dog Day Afternoon (1975) A+  / Thanks to my general aversion to Al Pacino yelling, I've repeatedly put this off. Well, I am an idiot.  As others have said, it is a masterpiece (so is he).
• Raging Bull (1980) B /  Fat Robert DeNiro lived up to the hype.
• I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang (1932) B- /  Could someone please find a way to guarantee that veterans have jobs when they return home?  This movie is 80 years old for crying out loud.
• Lifeboat (1944)  A / Like Rope, it is so much  more than the gimmick (but the gimmick works too).
• Donnie Brasco (1997) B / Two annoying but amazing actors being nothing but amazing.
• The Last Detail (1973) B+  /  Potentially annoying premise that is mostly amazing.
• The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985) A+ /  Ticket for one, please.
• Patton (1970) B  /  See below.
• Saving Private Ryan (1998) A- / The bookends of this movie are everything I feared. And see further below.
• The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946) C- /  I wish we had just gone to Tijuana with Madge.
• On the Waterfront (1954) A+  /  I'm gonna use the M word! 
• The Third Man (1950) A- / I have watched this at least three times in my life and my memory of it is always similar to how you can but can't remember a dream. So I will watch it again, and probably again. And enjoy it again. But then forget why.
• Side Effects (2013) B+    Preposterous, precise, efficient, fun. I was actually giddy.
• Interiors (1978) B+   Good grief, Geraldine Page is the best. Devastating.
• Tom Jones (1963) C-  / I think the lesson here is I do not enjoy romps.
• Stardust Memories (1980) B / Charlotte Rampling. Did anything else happen? I seriously don't remember. 
• The Whole Town's Talking (1935) C+  This started off cracking. Then someone left Jean Arthur at the office and it turned into a snoozer.
• Separate Tables (1958) C /  Oh man, Deborah Kerr was horrible! I can't get enough of that pathetic look she's working. And I can't believe David Niven (and I love him) won an Oscar for this. I should have gotten worked up over that old biddy and her bullshit but I've saved all that particular emotion this month for The Children's Hour. Let's have a redo: This whole movie should have been about fantastic Miss Meacham seducing Pat, while Burt Lancaster and Rita Hayworth sexed it up in the background. <-- A+
• My Favorite Year (1982) C+ /  Pretty much a romp. But a romp with Peter O'Toole. But also with the guy from Perfect Strangers.
• To Hell and Back (1955) A- /  To Hell and Back (50s) and Patton (70s) and Saving Private Ryan (90s) make for a fascinating trio in portrayal/perceptions of WWII.  Watch 'em!
• Lady for a Day (1933) B+ /   This movie could best be compared to standing in a long, sometimes slow-moving, frustrating line waiting for something entirely satisfying (e.g., Pork-Chop-on-a-Stick line at Wurstfest).
• Carnal Knowledge (1971) A- /  Rita Moreno, siempre viva!
• The Children's Hour (1961) A /  That little bitch has got to be an all-time top-10 villain. Flames.
• It Started with Eve (1941) A / To quote myself talking about Ball of Fire  last year --  "Considering my favorite movie ever is What's Up, Doc?, it's pretty ridiculous I just now watched this. Check it out and count the homages. With that fancy word I will conclude this nonsense."

Who We Are on P & R

Julie - 60% Leslie, 20% April, 10% Ben, 5% Ann, 5% Ron
Blaine - 80 % Ben, 10 % Leslie, 8% April, 2% Chris
Austen - 70% Tom, 10 % April, 10 % Andy, 5% Ron, 3% Donna, 1% Jerry, 1% Perd
Derek - 80% Ron, 10% Andy, 10% April
Karen - 70% April, 20 % Ron, 10% Donna
Candice - 40% Donna, 40% April, 10 % Ann, 10% Chris
D.J. - 50 % Ben, 30% Leslie, 10 % Ron, 10% Chris
Susan - %50 Ann, %50 Chris
Me - 35% April, 25% Ann, 20% Ben, 20% Andy
Mia - 80% Chris, 15% Ann, 5% Andy


* Susan, I do not know you very well but I did the best I could.  Also, I would love for anyone to correct me and, especially, tell me what my percentages actually are.

Things that are WAY BETTER and WAY WORSE than I thought they would be...

BETTER

1. The Book of Eli - On the surface this movie is a big budget action film in the same vein as Road Warrior - the preview looks as though we've seen this a few times before.  Post-apocalyptic landscape where a man does whatever he can to survive, bla bla bla....but oh no.  This movie is so much more than that.  Yes, it has Gary Oldman doing what he does best -- yelling at people.  And yes, it has an aging Denzel beating up multiple bad guys at once, but when you finally get to the end it makes up for any wrong doings that came before.   A clever twist doesn't hurt either.
2. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - Yes, Julie sang the praises of this show way back when but I just re-watched it again (especially after watching The Newsroom) and it's really really enjoyable.  Better than a lot of shows on tv right now.  Interesting characters, the usual fast-paced dialogue from Aaron Sorkin (love him or hate him) and genuinely funny skits written for a show about a show that writes skits.  Yes, it has its moments of hitting you over the head but once you fall in love with the characters you go with it.
3. Juicing - I, like most Californians (said in the SNL accent), would buy the occasional juice for a few reasons; it made me feel better about myself and juicing places were EVERYWHERE.  But now that I'm living back at home, I started juicing here and it's great!  Now, it's true that I don't work and have time on my hands but it's fun to throw different veggies and fruits together and find out which combos work and which don't (ginger and pineapple work with everything).  But the real reason I like it is it keeps me on a routine where I take my vitamins and cut fruit and veggies every day so I have them to snack on.
4. Green Day - yeah, I said it.  Ever since I saw American Idiot (the musical) I think their music is pretty damn good.  I can't listen to it all the time but it's pure in the sense that they play their own instruments, write their own music, and it sounds good.  Better than what I thought it would sound like before I gave it a chance. * please note I am not recommending anything to the 'list anything' crowd since I already know you are all music snobs but rather, ahem, making a list.
5. Michael Connelly - I have a confession.  I have probably read 16 books by this guy in the past year.  You will most likely only know him as the author of BLOOD WORK (which was made into a Clint Eastwood movie - not a very good one) and THE LINCOLN LAWYER (which was made into a Matthew McConfxolefiuwfedf movie and a mediocre one),  but what got me started was his series on a character named Harry Bosch.  The Bosch books are great and a huge influence on this novel I started.  Also, in case you have Amazon Prime, check out the pilot for BOSCH.  It's pretty damn great.
6. Matthew McConaughey - I don't know about you people but this guy was THE WORST just a few years ago and for as long as I can remember.  We all loved him in Dazed and everything he did in real life made us laugh but his movie choices and his acting were...not good.  But then something happened.  He hit his head - I don't know.  He had a role in a small film called Bernie.  Not the first time he took his acting seriously (watch Frailty or Lone Star).  Then another indie film, Killer Joe.  Then another, The Paperboy.  And again, Mud.  Then he flexed his muscles in Magic Mike, now he's nominated for an OSCAR with the Dallas Buyer's Club, has another small but memorable role in The Wolf of Wall Street and oh yeah, stars in the phenomenal True Detective on HBO.  He will, however, go back to being a movie star in Interstellar next year but for now, he makes the better list.

WORSE

1. Elysium - Oh my god this movie suuuuuucked.  I loved District 9 and I think we can all agree that Jason Bourne is awesome.  But wtf? With every cliched minute I watched this movie you can picture my face descending toward the ground.  I started with a smile - my eyebrows lifted (not really but just go with it) and after thirty minutes I had to stop watching.  Oh, and further proof that it is a horrible movie, my mom loved it.  And Jodie Foster puh-lease.

2. The Killing - I know, I know, I was the only one of us who praised this show.  But to be fair that was only because, at the time, I put my faith in the writers and thought they would lead us somewhere great (i.e. the second season of Homeland).  But they didn't.  And to make matters worse they began season 3 with yet another tease of greatness only to piss all over my face by the end.  You were right.  I was wrong.

3. Neko Case's last album - barf.

4. Steve's wireless internet - I have to pause HBO go every few minutes just so it can buffer.  I cannot watch a single episode of Family Guy on Hulu without it constantly stopping to reload.  Horrible.

5. The Hobbit - Don't even get me started.

Things I Want to Happen...

1. Candice starts a blog about pop culture.

Pointless

My thoughts just now:

1. Oh, I'll just do that this weekend.
2. Wait. Why has every day this week felt like a Thursday?
3. Wait. It is only Tuesday.
4. Wait. Did I really think I'd thought it was Thursday more than twice?
5. Yes. Yes I did.

*UPDATE* How Well-Off Baby Boomers Have a Good Time

After our departmental Monday morning meeting, my boss made an announcement.  She's engaged! Here are some things she divulged about her beau and their relationship. My prior list began to make more sense.

• He is a doctor in Bryan and part time professor at A&M, but he lives in The Woodlands.
• They met on Match.com.
• He's from Iowa. Since she is from North Louisiana, she appreciates that he understands the farming way of life.
• He asked her 80-something year old mother for her hand in marriage.
• He's been married twice before.
• He has 3 kids. 1 girl from the first marriage and 2 boys from the second.
• Their first date was on November 22 - her birthday.  It was at The Houstonian.
• She's afraid everything is moving too fast, but they are "smitten" and realize they don't have years to beat around the bush. 
• He raised his 3 kids and made a lot of sacrifices for them, so he really wants to travel.  Unfortunately my boss has been everywhere he wants to go :(
• When he asked her to go to the Empire State Building for Valentines Day, he gave her a teddy bear like the one Meg Ryan found on the observation deck in Sleepless in Seattle.
• There is no ring yet. No diamond ring could live up to the one from 3rd husband, so she is thinking a Topaz stone. I've seen the 3rd husband's ring, and its a monster.
• They are both Scorpios
• He was in Vietnam
• He has agent orange scars on his body that she has seen (She hand motioned the chest area. Almost lost breakfast)
• He's Baptist like her. He attends Houston First, but she attends River Oaks. 
• He has a beautiful voice and was a singing Aggie Cadet
• She's not sure where they will live, but she can't imagine living outside the Loop.

 

How Well-Off Baby Boomers Have a Good Time

My boss decided at the beginning of the year that we should share our calendars for work. She doesn't realize that now her staff receives all her date requests from her new boyfriend, which come in the form of Google calendar invites. They come ALL THE TIME and at random hours. The other two staffers in our department have set up email rules to send it to junk, but I think they are hilarious.  Since 1/2/2014 (1 week ago!), here's all the invites I've received:

• Concert Jazz @ Sun Feb 23, 2014 12:30am - 4am
• Concert America @ Sun May 4, 2014 8pm - 10pm
• BVC Party @ Mon May 5 11pm - Tue May 6, 2014 1:30am
• Chris's College Graduation.  @ Fri May 9 - Sat May 10, 2014
• Empire State Building  @ Fri Feb 14 - Sun Feb 16, 2014 
• Robert Duvall Lecture Series @ Fri Jan 24, 2014 1am - 3am
• Betty Buckley @ Sat Jan 11, 2014 1:30am - 3:30am
• Diane Keaton @ Fri Feb 7, 2014 1am - 3am
• Moscow Trip  @ Sat May 17 - Sat May 31, 2014 
• Doctors Consultation @ Thu Jan 9, 2014 9:45pm - 10:45pm 
• TAMU Singing Cadets Concert @ Sat Jan 11, 2014 1am - 3am 
• Medical Staff @ Wed Jan 8, 2014 1am - 3am
• BECOMING FIRST TIME GRANDPARENTS @ Fri Jun 13, 2014 (his all caps, not mine)
• New Orleans Weekend w my love @ Fri Jan 24 - Sun Jan 26, 2014
• Aggie Muster @ Mon Apr 21 11pm - Tue Apr 22, 2014 2am 

Movies I Watched at Home in 2013, List #3

Well, it's time for the rest of my 2013 movies. I think I'll do this again for 2014. I like making myself try to remember what I thought (even if I forgot a lot of it). As usual, there are lot of As and Bs but again I'm trying to avoid the Ds and Fs.

• Cinema Paradiso - C- ;  Man, was this disappointing!!! (There was a lot of ! in this script I think.)
• A Passage to India - C- ;  I hope someone takes another stab at adapting this novel, cuz this one is chock-full of bad decisions.
• Born Yesterday - A- ;  I'd always avoided this movie because I was afraid to watch the pretty young thing that beat out both Bette Davis and Gloria Swanson for an Oscar. Well, that was dumb. Judy Holliday is fantastic. The movie is just about as good as she is.
• Adam's Rib - B ; See previous comments on Woman of the Year
• Before Sunrise and Before Sunset - A ; I watched these ahead of seeing Before Midnight. These movies make my heart swell way too big, just like the Grinch's.
• Female - B- ; This movie is pre-code and you have to see it to believe how free and easy they are with this lady's libido.
• To Rome with Love - D- ; The presence of Judy Davis makes it impossible to give this an F.
• Lady in the Lake C ; The first-person camera makes for a good reason to watch this, even when it's unintentionally funny.
• Front Page Woman - B+ ;  It's no His Girl Friday, but it's crackin.
• Melancholia - A ; I felt like I had watched The Tree of Life in a funhouse mirror.
• Detective Story - B+ ; Welcome to the movies, Lee Grant!
• The Wild One - D;   The whole thing seems sensational and ridiculous. I identified with the old people.
• The Virgin Spring - A ;  Mythical, touching, remarkable.
• In Bruges - A- ;  Hard to beat a good slow burn.
• Behind the Candelabra - B ;  Once again, I do not really go for these relationship-over-the-years movies.
• The Lion in Winter - A-;  Wowza! The story seemed to take a lot of sudden turns - but really, who cares? Get familiar with the facts on Wikipedia, and then watch Katharine Hepburn and Peter O'Toole go at it.
• Shakespeare in Love - B+ ; Still not happy about those Oscars, but I watched this again to remember why I shouldn't dismiss it. Why? Tom Stoppard.
• Becket - B+ ;  Now, friendship-over-the-years movies?  I like those better, especially when the friendship has historically significant consequences.
• Tootsie - A+ ; Best acting ensemble ever? OK.....top 5?  I mean it. Watch it; let's discuss.
• Nothing Sacred - A- ;  Completely silly, and a pretty smart satire.
• It Happened One Night - A ; I am ashamed it took me this long to watch this.
• Silkwood - C+ ; I hate my job.
• The Dead - B+ ; I wish I were smart enough to appreciate the depth of this thing in one viewing.
• Minnie & Moskowitz - C ; There is this one scene near the beginning with Gena Rowlands and an  older friend talking and it is quiet and beautiful and got me really excited about what was to come. Then everyone just started over-reacting and yelling and I just can't stand it.
• Romeo and Juliet (1968)- A ;  It is too bad my 9th grade self was too obsessed with St. Elmo's Fire and the like to understand what all was going on here. 
• Happy-Go-Lucky - A- ; Slice of life and social commentary, with a little too much screaming. Did Mike Leigh make this? 
• Richard III (1995) - B ;  I love this shit.
• Elysium - B-;  It's no District 9, but no complaints. Except Jodie Foster. She's hilarious.
• The Rules of the Game ( La Règle du jeu)- A-; So many characters, so many relationships, so many conversations -- and I have to rely on the damn subtitles to pick up on any of it?  It's enough though. And those shots!
• Angel and the Badman - B+;  This would be a great candidate for a remake (maybe with less of a sledgehammer title).
• Get Low - B-; I'm afraid I nodded off somewhere(s), and as a result I think I missed the point.
• The Deadly Companions - C-; A Sam Peckinpah western with a female lead?! And the lead is Maureen O'Hara?  And Brian Keith is second billed?  Let me get this straight: a Sam Peckinpah western with the couple from The Parent Trap?!  Yeah, well, don't get too excited. This movie is a snooze.
• Love and Death -  A; There is nothing about this movie that I do not adore. Wheat.
• Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex -  B+  That last bit would be a hit if it were made tomorrow.
• American Psycho - B+ ; I watched this movie just so I could feel good about humanity after going to see The Wolf of Wall Street.
• Broadway Danny Rose - B+ ;  I feel comfortable saying that if I had seen this movie in high school, I would have been obsessed with Mia Farrow. 

Beer I drank in Seattle

Anchor Brewing -- Our Special Ale Black Raven Brewing -- Wisdom Seeker Black Raven Brewing --Trickster IPA Boundary Bay Brewery -- Boundary Bay IPA Caldera Brewing -- Dry Hop Red Chuckanut Brewery -- Vienna Lager Elysian Brewing -- The Immortal IPA Fremont Brewing -- Interurban IPA High Water Brewing -- Hop Logic Mikkeller -- Beer Geek Brunch Weasel Naked City Brewery - Brute Force IPA Pfriem Family Brewers - Pfriem CDA Port Townsend Brewing - Port Townsend Amber Scheldebrouwerij -The Perfect Crime Hollow Point Schooner Exact Brewing -- Hoppy the Woodsman Upright Brewing -- Five (#5)

Steve and World War Z

So, rented a movie last night.  Kind of a ritual when I'm home: rent a movie, make dinner, and we all sit down and watch.  But last night was particularly entertaining for the following reasons. *I have not exaggerated any of this*

• Steve asked "What are we watching?" as I put the disc in.  I replied "World War Z, the new Brad Pitt movie."
• A trailer started playing for the new Scorcese film which isn't even in theaters yet and Steve said "Ah, this looks good.  It has DiCaprio in it.  Should be good.  Is this what we're watching?"  I replied, "No, that's just a trailer."
• Steve then said "Oh, so are we watching the Django movie?  I think we've seen that."  To which I responded, "No, we are about to watch a movie called World War Z.  It has Brad Pitt in it."
• After the trailers were finally over I pressed the PLAY button and, as anyone who has seen a movie in the past 10 years knows, several production company logos began to come onscreen.  One came up called PLAN B and Steve immediately said out loud..."Plan B.  Is that what this movie is called?"  I said, "No, that's just a production company logo."
• Steve then said, "Look at the imagination that goes into these things.  Wow.  You know what I like about creative people?  The way they can just..."   I waited about 45 seconds before finishing his sentence.  "...imagine things before they create it?"  "Yes!  I've always admired that."
• Finally the movie begins and it starts with a montage of news reports about a virus and strange behavior, etc.  But of course my mom and Steve are talking over all of this (even though the captions are on as well).  Then, about 5 minutes into the movie, some crazy shit starts to go down.  Brad Pitt and his family are stuck in the middle of it.  People are turning into zombies and shit goes wild.  To which Steve says "what the heck is happening here?".  To which my mom answers, "I think it's just mass hysteria".  Mass hysteria.  People are biting each other and turning into the undead and so far my mom and Steve think it's just mass hysteria.
• I calmly turn to my mom and ask "did you hear the news reports talking about a virus that's spreading?"  Steve answers, "oh, so it's a virus?".  Finally I simply say to both of them..."THEY'RE ZOMBIES."
• Once my parents were back on track and able to follow the complex plot, there were only a few more minor incidents.  Like my mom asking "How do you kill a zombie?" and Steve wondering why people don't just run away.  
• Sidenote: The other night I rented Now You See Me and ten minutes into the movie...TEN MINUTES...Steve asks "Who's in this movie.  What is it about?"  

SYTYCD - Early Favorites

I was just about to sit down to watch the Vegas callbacks (so exciting) but realized I never put my running list of favorites from the audition round out. I intended to cull further and include video links, but that ain't gonna happen (and besides, if it were anything other than dance, reader-Julie (as opposed to listmaker-Julie) probably wouldn't watch a video anyway).

Faves:

• Jade Zuberi - animation
• Mackenzie Dustman* - contemporary
• Jennifer Jones* - jazz
• Tommy Tibball* - contemporary
• Jennie Begley - contemporary
• Anthony Savoy* - contemporary (the one who gracefully accepted being sent to choreography even though they fully intended to send him straight to Vegas, duh, they were just showing what humility looks like)
• Kate Kapshandy* - ballroom (the one with the long face and long blonde ponytail who's a national champion of some sort(s))
• Caleb Brauner - contemporary (bowtie guy)
• Jasmine Harper* - contemporary (Cyrus's ex gf)
• Jenna Johnson - ballroom (danced with the 17 year-old guy)

* Predict Top 20

Also great:

• Amy Yakima - contemporary
• Alex Kessinger - contemporary
• Misha & Merilla - ballroom
• Jason Kidd - white guy breaker
• Alexis Juliano - tap (with a half shirt and a bellyring to "Mr. Bojangles" but pretty impressive nonetheless) (but also: it is pretty hard for a tap dancer to do well in, say, ballroom)

Wow, what a boring list except for me to look back and see how wrong I am. I'm pretty sure there are about 50 great dancers who've gotten no airtime yet.

Salted Caramel Challenge

Some of my coworkers and I have become a bit obsessed with salted caramel ice cream. It's really hard to get the right balance of salty and sweet (and burnt, if you like that, which apparently [spoiler alert] not everyone does). So we decided to have a little taste test today. Of course I made a spreadsheet.

THE CONTENDERS:
1. Talenti Sea Salt Caramel Gelato

2. Beth Marie's Salty Dog

3. Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream Salty Caramel

WHAT HAPPENED:

1. I Scooped (I knew too much for it to be a blind taste test myself, so I volunteered).

2. I said, "It's happening, people. Into the conference room. Bring water and a pen."


3. I handed out the score sheets.

4. Much to my chagrin, Tommy videoed the whole thing.


5. We tasted. We mmmmmed. We wrote.

6. We discussed our opinions, and we had a winner.

THE RESULTS (and I finally get around to an actual list)

1. Talenti
2. Jeni's
3. Beth Marie's

You can see that my fave did not win, but we all kind of liked all of them anyway. Actually, Tommy said Jeni's was his favorite, too, but he voted Talenti as #1 because he thought it had the most salty + caramely flavor. Boo.

Movies I Watched at Home in 2013, List #2

Following up on this list, I have continued to watch movies at home although with much less frequency in the past couple of months. Keeping up with things though, here is the list with some comments and pointless grades.

•  Annie Hall - A; It had been a while since I watched this so I watched it again during TCMs Oscar movie run. As good as ever. 
• Grand Hotel - A-; It was delightful and Joan Crawford was amazing and it's funny how movies made in the early 30s can somehow seem more edgy and interesting and modern that most of the junk getting made these days.
• Woman of the Year - B+; I didn't love this but out of all the romantic comedies in the world, I'll take this one over all but about 3 (not counting screwball comedies of course). Again, movies were just a lot more clever back then.
• To Be or Not to Be - A+; I've loved the Mel Brooks remake since high school, and I've long thought it was one of the funniest comedies of the 80s, or ever. I would have thought most of the *war humor* came from the mind of Mel Brooks, but that's not the case. It is amazing that in this movie that was released in 1942, there could be this many bold jokes and that it is so incredibly good and played so well. Ernst Lubitsch is a genius. Jack Benny is perfect. Carole Lombard is (as everyone (should) knows) one of the funniest women ever. Robert Stack is hot. This is a masterpiece (I said it!).
• Murder, My Sweet (aka Farewell, My Lovely) - B+; At first I kinda thought this was sloppy and dull but then I realized that it was exactly what a Philip Marlowe movie should be. It seems to me he is kind of a jerk and maybe not even good at his job. This movie makes that pretty clear, and after it was over I liked it better for it.  (I would be interested in other opinions on this.)
• The Man in the White Suit - B+; All I remember is it didn't make a lot of sense and was weird. I think I wrote down B+ because it was a movie from 1951 that didn't make a lot of sense and was weird.
• The Narrow Margin - B; I don't remember a whole lot about it which probably means I was sleepy when I watched it or it could just mean I was bored. But the B says I must have liked it. I suppose I should watch it again.*
• The Strange Love of Martha Ivers - C; Boy, do I love Barbara Stanwyck, but I did not love this. She can take some credit for a better grade. It was too long and there was quite a bit of "who cares?" happening but the end was satisfying.
• Witness for the Prosecution - B+; Going back through these now I see a theme with these movies all being something different than expected (twists!). This was pretty good and I might be giving higher grades again than I should simply for the ladies. This time, Marlene Dietrich.
• Sweet Bird of Youth - B+; I guess I wasn't giving out grades just for the ladies because Geraldine Page gets an A+ for this and Paul Newman - I don't know if I even know how good his acting was but who cares  - is also A+. Indeed. I am excited to watch this one several more times. 
• Hannibal - F. What the fuck. I can't believe this many people that I like could be involved in something I hate this much. For the record, Gary Oldman is my favorite actor EVER. He actually did a pretty awesome job in this but being good at something shitty is not something I am prone to give high praise to (especially when the character is that grody). Every single thing in or related to this movie is inexplicable. The only good character was that mob lady that got killed in the first five minutes. Bummer. 
• Nowhere to Go - D-; It took me four tries to get through this movie. It's so, so, so, so boring and so poorly made. It really deserves an F but I won't do it because I want Hannibal to stand alone in this list. So a D-, because Maggie Smith is in it, and because some of the shots are really remarkably pretty (but utterly without purpose (other than "hey, this will be a cool shot" apparently).  There will be a whole list (!) dedicated to this movie in an upcoming post. Stay tuned!

Side note: as I type this I am watching a marathon of Arrested Development and would like to add, Hooray!

*Edited to add: I just remembered the whole thing in a wave and I did like it, but I really hated the main character. Kudos to the women, natch.

Resume Interests

Interests of a University of Texas Accounting Student I am about to interview

•  Automobiles 
• Nonprofit Organizations

I'm Going to Give You Two Words and a Phrase

• Clips
• Glue
• A suspension of disbelief

(When asked about "the level of Soviet wig technology in 1981" in this interview, Joel Fields, one of the executive producers of The Americans, said "I'm going to give you two words and a phrase: 'clips,' 'glue' and 'a suspension of disbelief.' And you can arrange those three however you like.")

Reasons I love 1st Wave (XM 33)

Heavy rotations of:

• New Order
• Blondie
• Billy Idol
• INXS

 Reason I don't:

• Any rotation of Wang Chung

Saturday Highlights As of 2:30 PM

Late wake-up
Coffee
Someone Cleaned the Leaves Off My Patio
Leggings as Pants (inside only)
Royal Blue Pimento Cheese on Sweetish Hill Sourdough (toasted)
Real Ale Devi's Backbone

Ah...Summer...

Yep.  It's that awesome time of year when a bunch of crappy and not-so-crappy movies come to a theater near you!  Here now is my list of summer movies I'm most looking forward to in order of release...

• Iron Man 3 - IM2 sucked.  But this time around we have Shane Black writing and directing (he wrote and directed Kiss Kiss Bang Bang for those of you who don't know) and I think it's exactly what the franchise needs.  Everything looks amazing in the trailers so my expectations are pretty high and I might also be high when I watch it.  Just saying.
• Star Trek Into Darkness - I just re-watched Star Trek last night in preparation for this one.  Two words: Sherlock Holmes.
• Fast and Furious 6 - I didn't see parts 4 or 5 but I might go back and watch them just so I have something to do.
• Hangover III - I am not at all looking forward to this stupid piece of shit but since I saw the first two I guess I'll round it out.
• After Earth - I might see this one just to find out what the stupid twist is at the end (my guess? they land on earth before humans thinking it's after humans)
• Now You See Me - If you haven't seen the trailer for this one watch it now.  I'm super excited about it.  I like turtles.  I mean, magic.
• The Internship - Now that I'm officially a comedy writer (see Bar Olympics) I feel I may be a little more judgmental than I used to be but this looks very unfunny.
• Man of Steel - Um, YES.
• World War Z - I don't know much about this one other than it has Brad Pitt and zombies and while I'm totally zombied out after watching The Walking Dead I bet this will be a nice summer surprise.
• The Heat - This looks pretty funny.
• White House Down - Didn't this just come out under a different name?
• Pacific Rim - Monsters.
• The Wolverine - I feel like this has been made already too.  Under the same name.  But I'll see it again.
• Two Guns - Denzel and Marky Mark?  I'm in.
• Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters - Thanks to P. Jenks I am looking forward to this more than any other movie this summer.

Johnny Cash's To-Do List

Challenge accepted: Perfect Casts - OTTOMH

This is pretty difficult. Bear with me as I'm gonna go long as I do this off the top of my head....OTTOMH (a new list genre!). Some of these will be pretty obvious.

Champion:  (Personal favorite, most obvious, but try to prove me wrong)  What's Up, Doc?

Any movie that introduced Madeline Kahn to the world would make this list, but as Eunice Burns? And give Barbra Streisand those lines and that hat? And then add Austin Pendleton, Kenneth Mars, Randy Quaid, and Boss Hogg, and the guy who plays Judge Maxwell, and even your head waiter, Rudy? And, uh, ahem, Ryan O'Neal?  Perfect.

Here's a list of 21(!) movies (sorry, couldn't stop), in no particular order (after 1 & 2), that I can't think of a character I'd recast:

1. Casablanca
2. Harold and Maude
3. Moonrise Kingdom
4. The Fabulous Baker Boys
5. Gosford Park
6. The Grifters
7. Anatomy of a Murder
8. Out of Sight
9. Jackie Brown
10. Tootsie
11. The Big Lebowski
12. Passion Fish
13. A Mighty Wind
14. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
15. American Splendor
16. Nine to Five
17. Notorious
18. Murder by Death
19. Jaws
20. Bull Durham
21. Ghost World
 
Looking forward to comments!

Blame Canada?

In the spirit of Boxcar's questionable list, here is my own. I found a befuddling piece of paper in the middle of several pages of notes I took at a conference in Chicago two years ago. The page contains only these words, and they are listed along the left margin in the vertical center of the page.

washroom
project
process
Dundas
serviette
expropriation
mullet

I can only guess that I was watching a Canadian speaker and making note of Canadian pronunciations and...hairstyles?

More *Parks & Recreation* Lists

Tonight's episode "Swing Vote" was full of lists, so many lists!  And other great moments. like a double thumbs up from Chris and a double thumbs up from Tom.

The lists are after the jump --- spoiler alert!

Sometimes jazz does indeed suck

Some of you like to make fun of me for listening to jazz. Sometimes I get defensive, and I say to you, "No, please listen to this. It is so good. You will like it." Sometimes I say, "Holy shit. You people are right. Jazz sucks."

To prove your point, I offer the list of what I (to date) consider the worst songs I have ever heard, or at least the worst songs I have ever heard on the XM radio station, Real Jazz (XM67).

In posting this list, I am also saying, "Please listen to these."

(Just like I begged you to eat that gross thing that one time. And listen to the whole thing! But do not listen to all three in one sitting.)

1. Farmer's Market  by King Pleasure & Annie Ross Listen!
2. You've Got to Have Freedom by Pharaoh Sanders Listen!
3. Twisted by Lambert & Hendricks & Ross  Listen!

Haha. Please note: I've had these saved on my Shazam tags, one of them for weeks. I just noticed, just now, that Ross is a repeat offender. I hate her.

The Worst Parts About Today's Training

1. It was media training.
2. Which involved mock on-camera interviews.
3. In high def.
4. In front of my coworkers and board members.
5. Though my eyes looked superblue, my lips were flesh colored, and oh-em-gee do my eyes always blink one at a time/twitch like that?
6. I said, "Bleah" and went for a do-over.
7. Which was the only time I smiled.
8. Immediate post-interview critiques!
9. While watching/pausing the playback.
10. My deodorant was not up for the challenge.

Boxcar's Top Five Remakes of All Time (LIST CHALLENGE)

So, here we are.  Yep.  This is me inspiring all of you to start making lists.  I am going to start with remakes because I realized tonight that ******** is a fucking amazing movie (let alone, remake) and it got me thinking...what if I challenged everyone to make their own top 5 list of WHATEVER GENRE you want?  Julie, I want to know your top 5 dance movies.  Austen, I want to know your top 5 movies that make you crave hot dogs.  Whatever.  Just do it.  And not in comments.  Comments are for all of you (me) to shit all over whatever I (you) say.  So without further ado, my top 5 remakes.  In order.  Yeah, that's right.

5. The Departed

Based on Infernal Affairs, The Departed truly departs from the original material and is updated brilliantly for modern (American) audiences.  Sure they made a few minor changes but overall Martin Scorsese delivered a beautiful, gritty crime drama that has yet to be rivaled in terms of acting and writing.  Well, that's not true but bare with me.


4. The Thomas Crown Affair

This isn't a perfect movie.  In fact, after watching you will be left scratching your head asking "how did he possibly steal that last painting?"  But I don't care.  It's stylish and creative and the final scene has Nina Simone singing Sinner Man.  What else can you ask for?  Oh yeah, and Rene Russo shows her tits.  You're welcome Austen.
3. Last Man Standing

What?  Am I on crack?  Answer, yes.  In truth this is not a very good movie but I had to, HAD TO, include it based on one simple fact: THIS WAS WRITTEN BY DASHIELLE HAMMETT!!!!  DAMMITT!!  The reason I am so bothered by this is the fact that Red Harvest is one of my favorite books ever written and it has been adapted several times yet nobody has given it credit.  Isn't that weird?  First of all, it was adapted as YOJIMBO.  Then it was adapted as A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS, and finally, LAST MAN STANDING.  And yes, both Yojimbo and Fistful of Dollars are better than Last Man Standing but I just wanted to have a voice, dammit.  Besides, it's a really fun movie with a lot of shooting so it remains #3.
2. 3:10 to Yuma

This movie is fucking awesome.  I'm not saying it's the best western ever made (although it just may make my top 5) and I'm not saying it's the best action movie, but it's DEFINITELY the 2nd best remake ever made.  If you want to know why, watch the original.  If you can stay awake.  I did stay awake and I even saw it before the remake but this was INCREDIBLY well done.  My only complaint (and the more I think about it the more I don't think it's a complaint) is that Russell Crowe and Christian Bale could have switched parts and made it maybe better.  So good.
1. Ocean's 11

This is a great fucking movie.  A great buddy movie.  A great heist movie.  A great comedy.  A great action movie.  But what REALLY makes it great is that it is LIGHT YEARS better than the original.  I have seen the original.  For real.  And I really really liked it.  I especially like the ending.  But as far as comparing originals to remakes this one takes the cake.  And it doesn't hurt that it's the best casted movie I've ever seen (uh oh, did I just make Porn Jenkins start his list?).