ACL 2009 Line-up!

* Pearl Jam
* Dave Matthews Band
* Beastie Boys
* Kings of Leon
* Ben Harper and Relentless7
* Thievery Corporation
* John Legend
* The Dead Weather
* The Levon Helm Band
* Ghostland Observatory
* Sonic Youth
* Mos Def
* Toadies
* Flogging Molly
* The B-52s
* Lily Allen
* Citizen Cope
* Arctic Monkeys
* The Decemberists
* Coheed and Cambria
* Andrew Bird
* Girl Talk
* STS9 (Sound Tribe Sector 9)
* Phoenix
* Bassnectar
* Bon Iver
* !!!
* Avett Brothers
* The Airborne Toxic Event
* Medeski, Martin & Wood
* Clutch
* Michael Franti & Spearhead
* Grizzly Bear
* Heartless Bastards
* Passion Pit
* White Lies
* Dan Auerbach
* The Walkmen
* The Scabs
* Reckless Kelly
* DeVotchka
* Blitzen Trapper
* The Virgins
* Here We Go Magic
* Eek-A-Mouse
* K'Naan
* Asleep at the Wheel
* Dr. Dog
* The Raveonettes
* The Knux
* Black Joe Lewis & the Honeybears
* State Radio
* Los Amigos Invisibles
* The Felice Brothers
* Federico Aubele
* Raul Malo
* Daniel Johnston
* Poi Dog Pondering
* Brett Dennen
* Rodriguez
* Henry Butler
* Preservation Hall
* Sam Roberts Band
* The Greencards
* Sara Watkins
* Walter "Wolfman" Washington
* David Garza
* John Vanderslice
* Zac Brown Band
* Todd Snider
* School of Seven Bells
* The Dodos
* Robyn Hitchcock and the Venus 3
* Alberta Cross
* Deer Tick
* Bell X1
* Alela Diane
* The Wood Brothers
* The Parlor Mob
* Rebirth Brass Band
* Marva Wright
* Terri Hendrix
* L.A.X.
* Lisa Hannigan
* The Low Anthem
* Sons of Bill
* Suckers
* Sarah Jaffe
* Cotton Jones
* The Henry Clay People
* Papa Mali
* Jypsi
* Vince Mira
* Jonathan Tyler & The Northern Lights
* Mimicking Birds
* Jeffrey Steele
* Jonell Mosser
* Leatherbag
* Keith Gattis
* Damien Horne
* Sarah Siskind
* The Dexateens
* Nelo
* Danny Brooks
* Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band
* The Soul Stirrers
* The Durdens
* Palm School Elementary
* The Gospel Silvertones
* Diaconos
* Quinn Sullivan
* Ralph's World
* Q Brothers
* Milkshake
* Telephone Company
* Loose Cannons
* Lunch Money

Information I have collected about the Swine Flu from conversations with others

+ Do not get on an airplane
+ Do not let ANYONE touch my child
+ Do not go to Fiesta across the street from my house, go to river oaks instead for my groceries
+ Do not talk/ touch any Mexicans
+ Do not worry about it at all, it is just a scare tactic by the media

Things That Make My Step-Dad Who He Is

1) Ziggy coffee mug that is at least 10 years old
2) Ham Radio
3) 2 Tractors for mowing one yard
4) A new truck that can never be driven, touched, or looked at
5) Bathrobe which can only be worn OVER a full outfit *sometimes accompanied by winter hat
6) Rye bread. Yuck.
7) A microwave in which he can reheat his ONE cup of coffee throughout the entire day. Double yuck.
8) Our 2 cats. He loves them more than his family. * sidenote, he gave one of them "cat CPR" when my fat nephew sat on him and almost killed him.
9) Stamps with which to MAIL in his tax return. Seriously, who does that anymore?
10) The blue lazy boy chair in which he falls asleep within 2 seconds upon sitting.

Original Drinks for Somers, Connecticut (Summer)

Lakewater - Hot water with lemon juice.
Pukebroth - Every vegetable known to man, bathed in water for several hours
Nontastie - Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries with rice protein and soy milk (no flavor)
Antistarbuck - Organic, decaf coffee with soy milk
Thenewalcohol - Water

Original Drinks for Lakehouse/Bayhouse Weekends

• Lakewater - vodka & lime-flavored LaCroix with twist of lime
  
• Vodkaccino - vodka & Starbucks bottled Frappuccino
  
• Humble Wildcat - vodka & Purplesaurus Rex Koolaid garnished with cherry
  
• POCktail - vodka & Cherry LimeAid, a splash of Sprite with lime wedge
  
• Grimm Raider - vodka & Gatorade (blue)

Movie (posters) I am excited to see....

In case you did not know me in my collegiate-credit-card-debt-building days, I am kind of obsessed with movie posters (also album art -- I blame Sonny Malone).

Here are some posters that get me all giddy about upcoming movies I know little-to-nothing about:





In the documentary category:



Then there are the pics where the poster doesn't matter, but it sure is nice when they look like this:




^^^Meet the movie made just for me.

this post inspired by Jon's comment regarding Up:

beautiful

Happy Belated Birthday, Julie & Alana

I will post the list of the movies in the comments (it's long!).

I have no idea why this guy picked this song, but it's nice work anyhow.

Cannes Line-Up!

• Pedro Almodovar - Broken Embraces
  
• Andrea Arnold - Fish Tank
• Jacques Audiard - Un Prophete
• Marco Bellocchio – Vincere
• Jane Campion - Bright Star
• Xavier Giannoli – A L’Origine
• Isabel Coixet – Map of the Sounds of Tokyo
• Michael Haneke - The White Ribbon
• Ang Lee – Taking Woodstock
• Ken Loach – Looking for Eric
• Lou Ye - Spring Fever
• Brillante Mendoza – Kinatay
• Gaspar Noe – Enter The Void
• Park Chan-Wook – Thirst
• Alain Resnais – Les Herbes Folles
• Elia Suleiman – The Time That Remains
• Quentin Tarantino - Inglourious Basterds
• Johnnie To – Vengeance
• Tsai Ming-liang – Face
• Lars Von Trier – Antichrist

Things at the NOLA Airport

I am currently sitting at a table across from four plastic dispensers. They are labeled as follows:

• napkins
• knives
• multi-purpose spoons
• forks

I am so intrigued by the multi-purposes of the spoons and why they are so superior to the other utensils that I can not concentrate on work. (The bold font is as it appears on the dispenser.)

I am currently sitting next to a youngish (and skinny) lady who just ordered a plate of food. She ordered the following:

• Fried catfish
• Fried shrimp
• French fries
• Hush puppies

It smells like a chicken-selling convenience store and is making me so sick at my stomach I can not on concentrate on work.

People at the NOLA airport I want to punch:

• Old man sipping coke out of a styrofoam cup and standing in front of the otherwise empty check-in kiosk for over 15 minutes.
• The little-orphan-Annie look-a-like with giant cardboard tube trying to get in front of me in line to stand with her "friends" who clearly hated her and left her on purpose because she yells things like "Hey, I found my intinerary" which was crumpled up in a ball at the bottom of her annoying backpack.
• The person who priced 10-oz. plastic cups of Miller lite at $7.89.
• The youngish (and skinny) lady who just ordered the incredibly smelly (and might I add, loud -- the grease is audible as it slips through her fingers, no joke) plate of fried food.

Given The Opportunity, Would You Sleep With Kirsten Dunst? (AKA, how I spent Saturday night arguing with a drunk gal in San Francisco)

Seriously, would YOU sleep with Kirsten Dunst if you had the chance? The cons of the situation are evident — by Hollywood standards, she ain’t exactly gonna crack the E! list of the 100 Hottest Celebrity Asses And V*ginas anytime soon, nor is she in line for any Acting Oscars / Primetime Emmys / Participation Trophies From Tooth-Related Competitions. She’s also been associated with Justin Long, who’s like 1% above just, like, a dude.

ON THE PLUS SIDE, though, she was in Eternal Sunshine, and Spider-Man 2 had its moments (not of her hotness, but moments), and I’ve never slept with anyone in the actual realm of celebrity (I don’t count Kathy Najimy, as it was years after Hocus Pocus), plus it would make for one hell of a blog post, possibly even better than those liveblogs every time I have sex now.

THE VERDICT: Definitely YES. Would I lose a little dignity and snark cred in exchange for the ability to watch Spider-Man with my grandkids and brag that I banged Mary Jane, and having my three-year-old granddaughter turn to me and say “I don’t even know what ‘banged’ means and that’s still f*cking disgusting”? Yes. Yes I would.

I'm sorry Julie, Karen and everyone else....

But here are my top 5 moments of Lost/ top 5 biggest disappointments with Lost...
* This is more for Blaine, QT, and my long lost friend, D.J.

Top 5 Moments

5) When Sayid shoots a young Ben in season 5. Wow.
4) When Hurley discovers that his winning lottery numbers are not only the exact code for the hatch, but also the reason they crashed!
3) End of season 4 when Ben moves the island and a boat discovers the survivors (and it turns out to be Penny). Ooooooh, I get chills just thinking about it.
2) End of season 3. They made television history by showing us that everything we've been seeing is actually a flashback of 3 years earlier. While this was television history in the making, it would have made #1 if it wasn't for...
1) First episode of season 3. This is when the writers CLEARLY decided how to finish the series. We get to see the "others" going about their daily business and get to see the plane crash and how Ben handles the situation. While maybe this wasn't groundbreaking for television, for LOST, it was the most pivotal moment in the show.


Top 5 problems...
5) When the "Oceanic 6" have Penny drop them off at a nearby island so they can convince the world that everyone else is dead, why did Aaron have to go with them? It seems rather dangerous to bring a baby that doesn't belong to anyone and would be much better off in the safe confines of a large boat (especially with Desmond and Kate).
4) Kate and Sawyer having sex. Just gross. Can you imagine how bad you would smell and taste? Yuck.
3) Mr. Eko. He was by far the most interesting part of season 2 and yet we all know that story is dead because they have bigger fish to fry. Of course, I could be wrong. I mean, it's not over yet.
2) Season 5 when Faraday talks to Desmond (of the past) and tells him to find his mom. If this happened in the past, why wouldn't Desmond recognize Faraday when he sees him in the present? MORE IMPORTANTLY, if Desmond was only able to remember this happening AS IT HAPPENED, how come Charlotte could remember Daniel telling her to leave the island as a little girl. Ugh time travel!!!!
1) The smoke monster. You and I both know they thought this was the coolest f'in thing for the first season and then realized "oh shit, we're going to have to explain this!" and have YET to come up with anything. How about a military test? something! anything!

Recent (or upcoming) Movies that Jon and I Could Have Written

• The Soloist

I doubt we would have come up with Robert Downey, Jr. ,but Jamie Foxx is a shoo-in. I think we probably would have used Adrien Brody, just for Katie. Or maybe Jim Carrey. Still, the plot is a no-brainer (ok, ok, it's based on a true story but still..).

• State of Play

Everything is right about this movie. The cast reads like a dream line up from a movies-for-sale pitch or, even the old days of Oscar forums (updated for current stars)...Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck, Rachel McAdams, Jeff Daniels, Jason Bateman, Robin Wright Penn, Viola Davis, and for the prestige factor -- Helen Mirren. Absolutely brilliant. And based on British TV.

• And finally - Just announced, Somewhere -- The movie Jon already wrote!!! This is fucking great. (Mia already made a poster for it too.)
  

I will let Ryan Adams from Awards Daily do the talking....

"Thanks to richard crawford for the wake up call about Sofia Coppola’s next project, announced last night in Variety. Set in the famed celebrity hangout, the Chateau Marmont on Sunset Blvd, the script Coppola’s written centers on a self-involved actor in rascally pursuit of hedonistic pleasures who gets a wake up call of his own when his 11-year-old daughter shows up to help realign his priorities.

If you’re thinking Adrian Brody and Abigail Breslin you’re not thinking hip enough. Colin Farrell and Saoirse Ronan? Too hip. Try Stephen Dorff and Elle Fanning. ahh… just right. Another perfect fit is Sophia Coppola and Focus Features, the winning combination behind the hipness of Lost in Translation."

Elle Fanning!!!

The Most Important Thing I Learned While Taking Online Defensive Driving

This was actually on the second to last section of my defensive driving. I WISH I was making this up...

Share Yourself
In years to come, the children may not remember which museums or sights they saw, but they will remember having your loving and undivided attention.
Along the journey, share memories, stories and songs
Take a lot of photos

Traveling with children is a wonderful opportunity to create memories that will last a lifetime.

Surprisingly, NONE of this information was on the quiz. I will never go 50 in a 40 in Frisco, Tx again.

Reasons I Hate American Idol

1) My mom won't shut up about how Adam Lambert is going to be bigger than Elvis. Seriously, she has said this more than 5 times now. Bigger than Elvis.
2) My step dad tries to vote (by calling in) every night but has trouble getting through. I get to hear about it the next day. When I ask him why he doesn't just text he says because it costs money. So, after doing some math in my head I came up with the following equation. 2 hours of my step dad's time < $.50. Interesting.
3) My step dad stayed up watching it last night instead of working on his taxes so he spent all day today (April 15th) working on his taxes and at 4:00 pm asked me to go the post office and spend 40 minutes in line to get them mailed. Found out afterwards that they were just extensions. Apparently he's way too busy watching American Idol to work on the actual tax part.
4) I don't like Danny's glasses.

*** I haven't seen a single episode this season:(

Number of Pirates Killed By Each President

Just for comparison's sake. It feels a little wrong to file this under “badass,” and yet I'm still not to a point where I can take this pirate thing seriously.

(via Buzzfeed)

If I had a job, people I would work for and be happy...

1) Roger Sterling/ Don Draper - I couldn't decide which one I would want to work for MORE so I put them both at #1. I could be a full-fledged alcoholic, have sex with lots of hot secretaries, and still manage to keep a family at bay. Oh, and come up with ads? Where do I sign?

2) John Locke - The man knows what he wants. I would imagine that every day he would tell me some INSANE thing to do for him and I would want to question it, but every day I would realize that he knew what he was doing and the insane thing I did had a purpose. What a cool job.

3) Charlie Crews - For those of you who don't know, there is a show called "Life". And it is mediocre but addicting. The main character, however, is AWESOME. He also knows how to kill people with one punch. I would be okay working for someone like that. Oh, and solving crimes? Yes. And he would make me eat a lot more fruit.

4) Tess McGill - Sassy, sexy and a woman? Yes, one of the few women I would work for (not counting Ripley, but somehow I don't see her as a "businesswoman".) I think I would go far with Miss McGill. Yes, very far indeed. And now that I think about it, I would work for pretty much any woman because they are better than men.

5) Franklin M. Hart, Jr - It would be nice not to have to be so friggin' p.c.

reasons why i finally believe the economy is that bad

i have been in denial and living in a nice houston bubble for the past 6 mos...but reality hit me today....this is very very bad and here is why

1. my property tax appraisal for 2009 is lower than 2008
2. cost cutting at work - for EVERYTHING - including things fundamental to our jobs and things partners like to do like training and conferences
3. stories of people being called into conference rooms and fired on the spot - like 40 at a time
4. my biggest client who is a huge oil company has a loss
5. i am not getting a raise or a bonus this year ( i have known this for about 3 months but it seems more real now that it is about to happen)

Reasons why I hated *LOST* last night

1. "No Jack!"
I've never really understood the Jack hate...but then again, I've never really appreciated John Locke's utter existence...soooooo, cosmically, I think that's about right.

2. Smokey Letdown
Seriously...WTF...the most important piece of the Lost mythos and the best Messrs Lindelof and Cuse can come up with is a deleted scene from Backdraft? Not to mention the big reveal that a porta john/bat phone can - sometimes - be used to summon the beast...Damn...I wish I could quit you Lost!!!

3. “If everything you’ve done was in the best interest of the island, the monster should understand.”
Ugggghhhhhhhhh...

Fun with the News

Here is a list of bad jokes using headlines from today.

• "Pakistan has created a Frankenstein of its own." I hope they name it Frakistan.

thank you, thank you

• "US crew attack on pirates called brave, foolhardy" More like, foolhar-har-hardy.

thank you, thank you

• Well, I was going to take a Scott Macintyre headline and make a joke out of it, but it seems the news agencies are on top of the bad wordplay game. Witness:

'American Idol' Recap: Scott MacIntyre's 'Search' Is Over
'American Idol' recap: Getting off Scott-free
Piano Unmanned: Did Mixed Signals Seal Scott's Fate?
Scott Not an American Idol Elimination Survivor

These people are nicer than I was going to be.

Reasons why I loved *LOST* last night

**SPOILER ALERT**

1. Desmond!!! (there are not enough exclamation points in the world)
2. No Jack!
3. "He told me to wait for John Locke." (squeee!)
4. Smokey Smackdown
5. The Acting!
6. Adios, Caesar. Who the fuck do you think you are? (this is perhaps my favorite moment of the entire series)
   

Honorable Mention: Hairpieces.

*****************************

Also of note on TV last night:

1. Bye bye, birdsnest!
2. Whew, Kris! You almost blew it.
   
3. Fuck off, Gokey.
4. Better off Ted is stoops.
   

Best Things I Did Last Week

5. Political fundraiser (vote Brewster! vote Sheryl! vote Chris Riley!)
4. Attended the Young Men's Business League Spring Fling (feel free to laugh)
3. Had a wait...i-know-you conversation like this. "Hey. Oh yeah...We've met before. I'm Julie." - "I know. I'm Stix!?!?!?" (all punctuation should be pictured on Styx's face (I don't know how to spell it)).
2. Chit-chatted with Blaine, Karen, Austen, Ragan, and Kim.
1. Renegade Karaoke

Things Found In My Backseat After dlm and Candice Came Along for a Ride

1. The top to a Drumstick wrapper
2. An empty packet of Pop Rocks
3. A frito chip with some chili remnants on it
4. A stick of Burts Bee's Wax
5. Kite assembly instructions (also with chili remnants on it)

things i learned about will last night

1. if he were a model he would be a jacket model
2. if everything in life were an Olympic sport he would win a gold medal in long distance walking - mainly because he walks at least 2 miles at work every day
3. he thinks Blaine is addicted to whoopie goldberg
4. he is afraid of heights
5. despite his fear of heights he thinks he could also compete in Olympic trampoline - "because you don't have to jump that high"
6. XXX is the worst movie he has ever seen

Missed Connections

Here are four *missed connection* ads from Craigslist. I am pretty sure they were all written by the same person, but still....

You look great in hats - 35 (The Gap- Rice Village)

You're blond with blue eyes and you were trying on hats today. I really wanted to tell you that you have the most amazingly shaped head, unfortunately, the smell in that place was really getting to me and my eyes started watering. I ran outside for air and then you were gone. Please, please, please reply. You've restored my interest in haberdashery again. Also, when you reply, tell me what that smell was so I'll know it's you.

Brunch at Farrago - 30 (Midtown)

You were with two hot guys having brunch at Farrago today. You looked oh-so-handsome and masculine, despite the fact you were drinking a pink bellini through a tiny black straw. And when you put that cherry to your lips and licked it, I nearly creamed my pants. I wanted to talk to you, but someone left my cake out in the rain, and...I'll never have that recipe again. Tell me what the special was at Farrago today, and let's find out what else you can do with your tongue.

We coulda done more in fitting room - 28 (Banana Republic-Rice Village)

You have dark hair and dark eyes and a boyish charm. You were trying on a garishly colored sweater vest. I was blinded by the color and your shockingly good looks. By the time my vision returned to normal, you were gone. I hope you were real and not just a vision. I know that place is very over-priced, but I'm going to shop there non-stop until I see you again. If you contact me, tell me what the color the sweater was so I'll know it's you and so I'll know what to call it in my complaint letter to Banana Republic.

Hot Guy at Urban Outfitters - 30 (Rice Village)

You were trying on glasses that reminded me of my granny. You kind of look like the guy who stuck his finger in my butt at the Ripcord a few weeks ago, but I can't be sure. Tell me what I was wearing and let's go for the other four.

The Spider Man Three

(the spi·der man three)
n.

1. Highly anticipated major movie release that you plan on seeing but all of your friends somehow saw the day it came out, so you never end up having anyone to go with and thus never see it in theaters.

2. Movie you finally end up watching a year after it came out and inevitably find it not as good/bad as your friends were raving/complaining.

Example Sentence:
I finally watched Spider-Man 3 on tv last night after somehow missing it in theaters, and I’m not sure why all my friends sh*t all over it so much, it really wasn’t any worse or more ridiculous than the first two. I know they’re summer blockbusters, so they’re just supposed to be fun, goofy popcorn flicks, but was Peter Parker’s retarded Buddy-Love-if-he-looked-like-Pete-Wentz hedonistic turn any more ridiculous than Dr. Octopus magically turning evil because his arms take control of him and his arms are total d*cks for some reason then he gets into a fight with Spider-Man on the huge above-ground train that runs through the middle of Manhattan and makes a deal with Harry Osborne to get more of his rare science material instead of just forcing him to do it then re-attempts to create the sun and it ends up killing him?

Spider-Man 3 was a total Spider-Man 3!

(You’re welcome, people. Use and enjoy.)

RE: "EW greatest villains? Puh-lease" / "my favorite movie villains"

If I made a list (novel idea indeed!) I'd throw a few bones to the following vile humans of recent memory:

Frank Lucas, American Gangster

Wearing the title of “American Gangster,” Mr. Washington had some big shoes to fill, but after slapping on his period-piece-ass hairstyle and scrawling “I will not just reprise my role in ‘Training Day’” onto a blackboard a thousand times, Denzel turned Frank Lucas into one of the most sympathetic big-house-buying heroin kingpins this side of 80’s Mötley Crüe. He doesn’t kill many innocent people, and he never shivs his grandmother with one of his heroin needles, but for a former Sexiest Man Alive, Washington makes a pretty damn good villain. Almost as good as Harry Hamlin, even.

Billy Mitchell, The King of Kong

Has there ever been a more intense scene in a documentary than when Hotsauce McMullet strolled into the Funspot Arcade and refused to make eye contact with Steve Weibe? Before you name a bunch of documentary scenes that definitely were, I’ll answer for you: NO. Whenever I watch documentaries, I’m always intentionally cognizant of the filmmaker’s bias (they totally made those Enron guys look like criminals!) but there was simply no way anyone could come out of this movie and say anything other than the literal sentence, “Man, Billy Mitchell really seems like a douche.”

Ben Linus, Lost

If Michael Emerson offered me a glass of water, I’m pretty sure I’d psychologically tear myself to pieces wondering whether or not to accept it. Still, just when I was beginning to believe that Ben’s cryptic, bug-eyed advice might have been for a greater good, I was treated with a flashback of Ben murdering his father with poison gas because he just daggum couldn’t remember Lil’ Benny’s birthday. Jack’s cathartic pummeling of Ben in the Season 3 finale reminded me of Sam finally beating the crap out of Gollum in the third “Lord of the Rings” movie. But with a goofier looking bad guy, of course.

Anton Chigurh, No Country For Old Men

Ok, so I've never been considered original (sorry Blaine...)

Remorseless, unstoppable, and damn near magical, Javier Bardem’s ghostlike hitman was so damn convincing, I sat in the theater assuring myself that the golden ticket from “Last Action Hero” was real and that Chigurh was definitely going to step out of the screen and murder me. I came away from this film vowing to never pick up a sack of money, use a take-a-penny at a convenience store, accept a Christmas gift, read a magazine at a doctor’s office, or enjoy a sunset, fully convinced that any such actions would result in my being imminently brained by a wacky, air-powered Super Soaker. Maybe George Wendt could protect me?

Kathryn Merteuil, Cruel Intentions

Ok...I now this is a pretty pathetic offering to end with, but what's better than an evil, bored, stuck up bitch who likes to ruin people's lives for fun and deflower virgins for sport? Survey says: Nothing. She is the ultimate bitch. Extra Credit for line delivery: "I wanna f*ck!"

FYI...this flick was released in 1999 and I still have a boner.

Honorable Mention
HAL 9000 - (bested me again Mr. Morris...)
Amon Goeth - Schindler's List
Eve Harrington - All About Eve
Tony Perkis - Heavy Weights

Mini-List #2 - The Judds' Girls Night Out Covers

Because I am incapable of making an actual list, I have invented the mini-list: lists with three items or less. CLEVER HUH??
On to the list.

My favorite covers of The Judds' Girls Night Out on YouTube:

#1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quiQDl0NldM


#2 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrCNfPDs_0M


#3 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7URlJueY_vY

my favorite movie villains

• Jamie Lee Curtis in *Mother's Boys*
• Macauley Culkin in *The Good Son*
• The shark in *Deep Blue Sea*
  
• Timothy Olyphant in *Die Hard 4*
• Rebecca Demornay in *The Hand that Rocks the Cradle*

Honorable Mention - John Travolta in whatever

there are more -- who are they?

RE: "EW greatest villains? Puh-lease"

I was going to add a comment to Jon's post, but I think there is a word limit on comments, and I am going to say too much. I lose editing abilities at 3am. First of all, Jon, you are correct it is busy times at the P-dub. I am not sure where QT is, but I think he has a meeting tomorrow that I was supposed to help with and totally neglected. Sorry about that, QT.

So here are some thoughts I have on the villains.

In the magazine, Stephen King gives his take (http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20268412,00.html). Jon, you'll like that Dracula is Stephen King's number one. I would steal some characters from his list -- namely...

• Anton Chigurh, NCFOM -- He's got to be near the top because 1) he basically represents evil, so he's all-encompassing (2) he is unaffected by emotion (your problem with Darth Vader) and is driven by his own cold logic (3) he has catchphrases and a signature look (!) and (4) SPOILER ALERT he stays both evil and alive.

• Sauron, LOTR -- Just fuckin scary.

• Harry Powell, NOTH -- This guy, like Chigurh, has no emotion. Plus he's dressed like a Reverend, he's hot, he whistles, he rides his horse against that ominous horizon, and he is after an old lady and some kids. Hard to top that.

Other villains not mentioned in the magazine that I think are worth considering:

Human:

• Uncle Charlie in *Shadow of a Doubt* - People borrow the phrase the "banality of evil" to talk about one of Hitchcock's big themes. Uncle Charlie nails it.
• Mrs. Iselin *The Manchurian Candidate* - The Cold War's Lady Macbeth. Bonus points for manipulation -- she never does the dirty work. (For what it's worth, I really think Angela Lansbury's performance is one of the top five best ever).
• Noah Cross *Chinatown* - Mrs. Iselin's perfect match. XOX
  

Mechanical:

• Christine -- I feel like you've got to have a Stephen King character, and while I'm torn between Annie Wilkes, that It clown, and Cujo, I pick Christine because (1) I am afraid of crazy bitches with whom you can not reason and (2) because she is the heaviest.
• HAL 9000 in *2001* - Christine + Anton Chigurh = HAL

Alien:

• General Zod -- Way less funny than Lex Luthor. Bonus points for his buddies.
  
• Ming the Merciless -- Thinks Earth is a toy, sends his own daugther to the boreworms for (understandably) being horny for Flash Gordon, brainwashes a doctor, almost? rapes a journalist, and (obviously) shows no mercy. Does it all to theme music by Queen.

Other:

• Bureaucracy - *Brazil* - Probably the scariest of them all.
  

And my personal #1 --

• Mr. Dark, the leader of the carnival in *Something Wicked This Way Comes* -- He's the complete package for me. Pure evil -- and talk about banal -a carnival in the Midwest for crying out loud. Goes after kids. No mercy. Ruins you afterlife, too. No one will ever haunt (or inspire) nightmares for me like that guy did. It's not possible.

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EW greatest villains? Puh-lease

1) Wicked witch of the west. Really? I haven't seen the movie in many many years but doesn't she get bested by a teenage girl?
2) Darth Vader. WRONG. A true villain doesn't change his evil ways at the last minute to repent for all of his wrong deeds. If they had said The Emperor, maybe.
3) Hannibal Lecter. FINALLY a good one. I would even go so far as to move Mr. Lecter up to the number 2 spot.
4) The Joker. They didn't specify but one can only assume they meant Heath Ledger's Joker. And if so, bravo. If not, lame.
5) Alex DeLarge. WRONG. He was just a mixed up kid.
6) Montgomery Burns. Yes yes and yes. I like him at number 6 too.
7) Catherine Tramell. Ugh, I guess they needed more women so they put her on here. And also I guess they never saw Romeo is Bleeding.
8) Voldemort. WHAT? Again, haven't read the book in ages but doesn't he almost get killed by a BABY???? No. That is not true evil.
9)Dracula. This should be in the top 3 easily. Maybe even number 1. I mean, Dracula really doesn't have any feelings and drinks people's blood and has orgies with beautiful women all the time and...doesn't he?
10) Nurse Ratched. LAME. Again, I know they're trying to name people that mainstream america might recognize but how about Mrs. Voorhees or better yet, that chick from The Frighteners.

**** Benjamin Linus should be in the top 3 as well. Any other contenders for top 10?

Reasons why "The Rock" is awesome

1) Someone finally realized that chemical weapons are much scarier than nuclear weapons because your face melts off before you die.
2) Ed Harris
3) Sean Connery plays an ex-spy who worked for his majeshty's shecret shervice and he does three really cool things a) opens his jail cell with a rope he made from bed sheets b) rolls through a fire pit that has flame bursts on a schedule (which he remembers from decades earlier) c) tells Ed Harris after getting caught "frankly I think you're a fucking idiot". James Bond was never that cool.
4) Nicolas Cage has three really funny lines and delivers them like only he can. a) "yeah, allright, so that was the most awful thing I've ever seen." b) "How in the name of Zeus's butthole did you get out of your cell?" c) "You know I like history too and maybe when this is all over you and I can stop by the souvenir shop together but right now I just...I just want to find some rockets!"
5) At one point it was in the Criterion Collection along with Robocop and Armageddon.

6 (or so) Crazy Things About Ria Ramkissoon

1. She rejected her family's Hindu religion, became a devout Christian and joined One Mind Ministries, led by a 40-year-old woman who goes by the name Queen Antoinette.
2. When Queen Antoinette decreed her son was a demon since he refused to say "amen" after meals, she denied to give him food. So he died.
3. So she placed him in a suitcase with mothballs and fabric-softener sheets and let the Queen open the suitcase periodically and spray the interior with Lysol to mask the decomposition odor.
4. And then she and the cult moved to Philadelphia, and befriended a man who agreed to take care of their luggage before they left (the body was found over a year later, still inside the suitcase, in the man's storage shed.)
5. They put him in the suitcase because Queen Antoinette said God was going to raise Javon from the dead.' The resurrection never took place.
6. So now she is in jail. And she cut a deal with the prosecution. And here is the deal: She pleaded guilty in the starvation death of her son, but insisted that the charges be dropped when he is resurrected.

Note: In court Monday, it was clarified that the "resurrection clause" would apply only in the case of Javon's actual resurrection -- not a perceived reincarnation.

This post also titled: Today's Most Disturbing News Story, Or: Way to Go Prosecution! Or: Hey, Defense Attorneys, have you ever heard of the insanity plea? Or: Reasons why you shouldn't trust people who befriend you, ask you to take care of their luggage, and then move

The complete contents of my refrigerator (or why I need to go out for lunch today)

• almond butter
• six eggs
• 2/3 can wet cat food
• tub of catnip
• vermouth
• butter
• applesauce
• probiotic capsules
• omega 3-6-9 oil
• shredded coconut
• miso
• jam (two varieties)
• better than boullion (vegetarian)
• six bottles of various sparkling juices
• maple syrup
• rice milk
  

Least Favorite Bands I Accidentally Overhead at SXSW

#1, hands down: A Skylit Drive
Seriously, I dare you to listen to them. Then imagine it live.
http://www.myspace.com/askylitdrive

#2: Evangelicals
Oklahoma trash
http://www.myspace.com/evangelicals

Palladia, Or: Bands I Might Think I Like Because I am Delirious

A note from the list-maker, March 31, 5:29pm: I received Julie's challenge and logged on to the blog and see there is a list apparently written by me, in draft form. I barely (and I mean like, as if I was totally wasted barely, remember writing this, and until I saw it just now had forgotten all about it). But since we have been challenged I will click *Publish Post* instead of *Delete* so we can get closer to 31. This is unedited from when it was initially composed at 6am or whatever two nights/mornings ago. Or one night. I don't remember. It is all running together. I think there were about 3 other bands I wanted to include but couldn't remember who they were, so I just escaped out and went back to work. But good old blogger -- it saves shit for you even when you don't want to.....

So I have been up all night working and after realizing watching Saturday Night Live episodes on DVR was slowing me down, I changed the channel to HD Music, which apparently is called or partnered with or sponsored by something called Palladia. They are playing palatable music (which now that I write that I wonder if that has anything to do with it being called Palladia. Or not, that is just my brain not functioning at 5am). Anyway, here are some bands that I like more than I did 6 hours ago (for better or worse):

The Killers
Foo Fighters
Blue October

Of course now they are playing a video of "Life in the Fast Lane" from some live show presumably from The Eagles reunion tour or something, so nevermind.

To-Do vs. Actually Did

Sunday To-Do List

1. Go through mail
2. Vacuum
3. Clean bathroom
4. Clean up shoes - get rid of some

Sunday Actually Did List

1. Finish watching State of Play
   
2. Ponder brilliance
3. Take out trash
   
4. Watch I Love You, Man
   
5. Make dinner but don't quite get around to washing dishes
   

2 Shitty Weeks at Work: The Songs that Kept me Going

1. Stairway to Heaven - Rodrigo y Gabriela
2. To the Dogs or Whatever - Josh Ritter
3. And the Grief Goes On... - What Made Milwaukee Famous
4. Of Thee I Sing - Stan Getz
5. I'm Yours - Jason Mraz (tee hee)
   

Five Weird things we've found in pockets!

A list from my dry cleaner.

1. Viagra
2. Fake Bloody Finger
3. Check for $35,000
4. Man's leopard thong
5. Wedding Ring
   

American Idol List #3 (I am ashamed)

Last week's list is null and void. Here is the revision, upside down and in categories.
A bit of an overhaul.

Staying in the top 4:

• Matt - Still talented (piano).
  
• Kris - Still talented (guitar).
  

Moving to the top 4:

• Adam - It is amazing what a comb and some humility can do.
• Allison - The strain in her voice still scares me but I dug it tonight.
  

Please stop screaming! Did you not see what happened to Alexis Grace?

• Lil - What a shame.
  

Meh.

• Anoop - more like asleep. Ba dum.
  

Proudly staking the flag of Gokeyness into the most hated spot on my list, and rolling his arms in triumph afterward:

• Danny - Did he add more blond highlights? Did he get another pair of glasses? Would anyone really ever buy an album of his?
  

Reminders why I never watched this show before:

• Michael with the karaoke dance steps, pop concert smirks, man jewelry, and 110% y'all
• Megan with the pretty face, dress that matches her tattoo(!), and voice of an alarm clock
  
• and poor Scott --- now we know what it would have been like if Jim Henson had created Fozzie and Kermit as one character

Good grief those three were excruciating.

While You've Been Doing...Whatever It Is You Do, I've Been Loving...

Danny McBride in Eastbound and Down
Katy Perry in April Issue of Esquire
Keira Knightley in Atonement
I'm on a Boat, The Lonely Island
Robert Pattison in Twlight
The Life & Times of Tim
Reese Witherspoon at the Monsters vs. Aliens premeire
MSNBC's - First Read
Circus, Britney Spears
Johnny Depp in the Public Enemies Trailer

Dances To Learn

1. Hoedown Throwdown



2. Skin the Duck




Dances we know, according to this brilliant post:
1. The Electric Slide
2. The Macarena
3. The Twist
4. The Bunny Hop

Beauty Shop - the movie

After watching an E! true Hollywood story this morning i didn't change the channel , so i am watching the movie Beauty Shop...all I can say is Queen Latifah has a lot of friends...

• Queen Latifah
• Keisha Knight Pullam (yes - Rudy Huxtible (sp?)) -
• Sherri - the annoying chick from the view - who Tracy Morgan did a hilarious imitation of last Saturday
• Alicia Silverstone
• Andi MacDowell
• Wilmer Valderama
• Alfre Woodard
• Djimon Housnsou - (I had to look that one up on imdb)
• Mena Suvari
• Kevin Bacon

In summary, Queen Latifah works in fancy Atlanta Salon owned by Kevin Bacon (who is very funny actually). she gets mad and quits to open her own shop and can only afford to open one in the ghetto. and all sorts of quirky characters work in the new shop and takes small town hick shampoo girl Alicia Silverstone with her to the new shop. Her clients from the old salon (Mena Suvari and Andi MacDowell) start coming to new shop and Kevin Bacon gets mad and starts trying to take her down. I am not to the end yet, but I am assuming Queen Latifah's shop will become crazy famouns and we will learn a lesson about working hard and being nice to people and accepting people who are different.

Distractions

1. My growling stomach
2. People in the windows of the Driskill Hotel across the street
3. Recollection of the old lady who called back to me, "Make it great!" as she exited the elevator this morning
4. Making lists
5. Chitchat in the hallway
6. The sun
7. The fact that I can see (and hear) SXSW happening right outside

Today's Disturbing News Stories

Arrow Strikes Woman on NYC Street
A woman who was hit in the stomach with an arrow on a city street said Monday she at first thought she was hit by a baseball.

Woman Burned Alive at Gas Pump
An explosion and fire at a Colorado convenience store has killed a woman. Police in Colorado Springs say an 18-year-old woman was pumping gas when a pump caught fire after it was hit by a truck.

Woman Exercised Sick Husband to Death
Chris Mason was accused of recklessly exercising her frail husband to death. Ohio authorities suspected the transgendered woman was looking to cash in on her husband's retirement benefits [want to know how much that was? $900 a month].

These stories brought to you by 2theadvocate.com, DJ's local station.

And in seriously disturbing news I want to add that I am a little bit distraught about Natasha Richardson, but I am very grateful I will always have the recording of her warm and beautiful singing laugh on the Cabaret soundtrack.

The Order In Which I Hope People Get Booted off of American Idol

1. Adam Lambert. STFU 4ever. I hate him a lot.
2. The big fat oilfield services guy with the cheesy facial expressions and male jewelry. You are everything I hate about Marshall Texas.
   
3. Danny Gokey. I could do a separate list to rank the order in which I hate his Name, Outfits, Hair, Glasses, Sob Story, Song Choices, Dancing, and Facial Expressions.
   
4. The blind guy. He howls, and his hair is a mess.
5. Anoop Dog. Reminds me of Baylor making its way through the Big 12 tournament last weekend.
6. Allison the 16 year old. Everytime she sings I watch through my fingertips because I am worried her vocal cords are going to snap like cheap rubber bands and then her teeth will shoot out of her mouth.
   
7. Alexis Grace. I liked her at first but then she got drrty and now she won't shut up about it and also she oversings absolutely everything.
   
8. Megan Joy. I liked her at first but that shit gets old real quick. She is pretty to look at, though.
   
9. Matt. Good looking and he has actual talent (i.e., plays piano). I am worried he is going to get a little big for his britches (they need to lay off the JT comparisons stat).
   
10. Kris. Better looking (if you like monchichis) and has more appropriate talent (i.e., plays guitar). He won my heart with that cheesefest last night. ~fluttering eyelashes~
    
11. Lil. I think she is fun and I like her and she can sing and she does it in a way that is not boring karaoke. Bonus points for living in a hotel room with her husband and 3 kids and for making them say their prayers before bed on TV (I am a sucker). I hope she wins.

a bold prediction: I think someone in my 4 to 8 range is going home tonight, unfortunately. Why is America so stupid?!

10 Underrated Collection of Filmed Images You Should See

Chances are, you’ve all seen a handful of these, but it always comes as a shock as to which movies people just do not give due credit. Please note: The following list focuses on movies from 1980 and on...

10. An American Tail. One of my favorite animated movies from the 80s, primarily because the main character, a small Russian mouse named Fievel Mousekewitz, was the only animated Jewish person (or animal) I had come to know and love as a child (Gonzo not included.) And yet, you never hear about this movie! Clearly, an anti-semitical conspiracy. Somewhere out there, An American Tail Betamax tape is crying itself to sleep.

9. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. It almost feels like nobody saw this hilarious flick by the mastermind behind the Lethal Weapon series. Robert Downey Jr. is as delectable as a Marzipan Robert Downey Jr., and Val Kilmer plays a hilaaaaarious gay detective. Must see!

8. The Adventures of Milo & Otis. THE MOST ADORABLE CHILDREN’S MOVIE EVER MADE! R.I.P. Dudley Moore’s accent.

7. Gattaca. It’s Jude Law… on wheels. Plus, Gore Vidal is in it. As a buddy of mine put it, “It’s a good Ethan Hawke movie for people that don’t like Ethan Hawke.” And what’s not to like about a man whose mouth served as the inspiration for Teeth?

6. National Lampoon’s European Vacation. A comedy staple that was left out of the mainstream Swingline. One of the funniest movies ever made, right up until the last 30 minutes or so, where something I think called “plot” tries to take over and it loses some steam. Also, hands down the most underrated soundtrack EVER...Still, if you can forget for just a second that Chevy Chase is a selfish jerky alleged cokehead, you will love it.

5. Bottle Rocket. It’s Wes Anderson before he became “The” Wes Anderson. It’s Owen and Luke Wilson before they became “The Wilson Brothers.” It’s the same immigrant love story found in most of Wes Anderson’s movies, minus the pretentious race relations seen in, say, The Darjeeling Limited. OK, it’s not Rushmore, but we’re talking underrated people. And if you haven’t seen this, shame on you.

4. Die Hard With a Vengeance. Say what you will, the third installment to the Die Hard series remains my favorite Die Hard. Bruce Willis and Sam Jackson are on top of their comedic game, and if you thought Jeremy Irons was effable before (rent Damage to prove this point), you have no idea. Any Nazi fetishists out there? No? Moving on…

3. Six Degrees of Separation. To this day, my favorite Will Smith movie (after The Legend of Bagger Vance, obviously), Six Degrees was really the first movie to say: “Hey, Fresh Prince! Yeah, we know you’re on a prime-time sitcom playing the comic foil to an uptight Huxtableish family. But something tells us you would also make a bravura dramatic actor, in a role that requires you to be a stuck-up gay con artist.” The unbelievable Stockard Channing and Donald Sutherland round out this fantastic ensemble drama, which also features a young J.J. Abrams in his meatiest role to date.

2. The Man Without a Face. I have this tendency to clean my apartment while watching emotionally draining movies. Flashback: Man Without a Face starts on Starz, and I think: “Oh, Mel Gibson’s directorial debut will serve as a fantastic backdrop to my Swiffering ways!” Cut to me, 2 hours later, sitting in a pile of unfolded J. Crew boxer breifs, hysterically sobbing while repeating out loud, to no one in particular, “He just loves his teacher so much!” Sure, Gibson would go on to receive numerous awards from the Academy and ACLU, but does anyone EVER talk about how amazing this movie is? No, no they don’t. So let this be a little Jewish olive branch from me to Mel, saying “Hey! I may have caused all the wars in the world. But you’ve caused all the tear stains on this here pillowcase.” And for that, sir, we are even.

1. The Talented Mr. Ripley. Hands down, the most Underrated Movie Ever. I’ve long said it’s the most beautiful movie ever made — the cast includes an adorkably murdery Matt Damon, a fresh off God’s heaven cloud Jude Law, and my first love Gwynnie Paltrow; the locales include some of the most beautiful cities Europe has to offer. And while the world showered director Anthony Minghella’s other movie with dozens of accolades, Ripley sort of fell off the map. For God’s sake, it’s the movie that proved both Law and Damon to be reputable actors. And if that hasn’t convinced you: James Muthaf**king Rebhorn, ya’ll!

1997: My Favorite Albums

• Emmylou Harris - Wrecking Ball
• Radiohead - OK Computer
• Lyle Lovett - Joshua Judges Ruth
• Wilco - Being There
• Cat Stevens - Footsteps in the Dark
  

Context
Age: 25
School: Applying to Graduate School
Work: Leaving LA for a summer of unemployment in Marshall
Fashion: The good: Purchased by Mia. The bad: Purchased here.
Status: Aspirational, Aware of Cluelessness, Nerd

The Top of My TiVo Now Playing List

• Gossip Girl
• Tough Love
• Mad Men
• Au Pair 3: Adventure in Paradise
• The Office
• A Company of Voices: Conspirare in Concert
• Mad Men
• The Office
  

Things I Have Done Since Moving Back Home

• Not had a drink in 9 days
• Watched every episode of 'The Mentalist' I could find online
• Learned 7 new songs on keyboard to play with my brother's cover band "Spiked Punch"
• Gone running twice
• Signed my mom up for netflix
  
• Watched Synecdoche, Ny, Transporter 3, The Haunting of Molly Hartley
• Found out that I CANNOT transfer whatever pathetic credits I may have had from 15 years ago
• Driven my mom to Home Depot 17 times so she can slowly build her mantle
• Read "How to write Treatments that sell" and bought "Screenwriting for dummies" (the latter has yet to be read)
• Applied for 5 jobs all of which have yet to contact me
• Felt really really sorry for myself :(