- Hella Nation by Evan Wright - the Border's man recomended it to me after he helped me find another book...he just read it and likes it so much he has it as one of his "picks" right now.
- Ojon dry shampoo....this product may revolutionize my life or could be the biggest let down ever
- $50 clutch at Nordstrom sale
- buy one get one free spary on sunscreen
Sunday, May 31, 2009
things i bought today that i am excited about
Film Experience Rorschach (a.k.a. How I spent the past 3 days...)
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - flat
The Reader - boobs...I mean, heavy...wait no, hard...yiiikkeees, I'm just gunna stop
Bride Wars - charming (I love you Annie!)
Quantum of Solace - rowdy
Body of Lies - misjudged
Role Models - dud
Milk - commanding
Nobel Son - ... literally have nothing to say...wow
Studio 60 on the Sunest Strip (Disc 1) - yearning
The Reader - boobs...I mean, heavy...wait no, hard...yiiikkeees, I'm just gunna stop
Bride Wars - charming (I love you Annie!)
Quantum of Solace - rowdy
Body of Lies - misjudged
Role Models - dud
Milk - commanding
Nobel Son - ... literally have nothing to say...wow
Studio 60 on the Sunest Strip (Disc 1) - yearning
Shows I've Seen in 2009
so far.
a (sad little) work in progress.
a (sad little) work in progress.
- San Saba County at Hole in the Wall 01/02
- Noise Revival Orchestra at Lambert's 03/14
- Bishop Allen 03/18
- Daniel Johnston 03/18
- Cursive 03/18
- Thao Nguyen and the Get Down Stay Down 03/18
- Avett Brothers 03/18 (3-7 all at Paste's SXSW party at Radio Room)
- Horsefeathers at Red Eyed Fly 03/19
- Blind Pilot at Emo's Annex 03/19
- Fanfarlo at Emo's Annex 03/19
- Deertick at Side Bar 03/19
- San Saba County at Mother Egans 03/19
- Brennan Leigh at Threadgill's 03/22
- Alvin Ailey Dance Theatre with Sweet Honey in the Rock at Bass Hall 03/25
- Centro-Matic at Parish Room 05/15
Friday, May 29, 2009
The Least Sexy Sex Scenes In Sexy Sex Scene History
7. Beowulf
Remember when all those crazy RESTRICTED trailers of naked Angie Jolie leaked to the interweb, and just as everyone who never thought to type "Angelina Jolie" and "Gia" into Google was preparing to go nuts, we soon learned that "Naked Angelina Jolie" actually meant "Naked Dragon Woman Thing From Rejected Pixar Film?" It’d be like if a movie came out billing "Shannon Elizabeth FINALLY gets naked!" and everyone dumb enough to be excited by it was treated to a CGI'd Shannon Elizabeth-voiced unicorn character with rainbow-colored boobs. Which reminds me...I forgot to Netflix Beowulf.
6. Basic Instinct 2
Perhaps the most necessary sequel in cinematic history (besides “Bring It On Again”), Instinct 2 is a gripping, powerful tale about the inevitability of human aging and the overwhelming nature of denial. Sharon Stone is thoroughly convincing as the never-acclaimed lead actress who foolishly equates credibility with being naked a whole bunch of times, but her doctored, leathery flesh merely symbolizes the hopeless pursuit of eternal youth. Unfortunately, I feel like the critics didn’t fully appreciate this biting, cautionary tale.
5. Short Cuts
There’s nothing particularly unappealing about a bottomless Julianne Moore yelling at her husband for three minutes. It’s more or less just one of the most straightforwardly, non-sexual displays of nudity in cinematic history. In fact...the entire idea of utilizing nudity in films to serve some sort of artistic, literary purpose is thoroughly unarousing for me- nude scenes should only be used to either set up some sort of wacky comic foil (usually involving Porky's-like spying), to identify which mortals are about to be massacred in a horror flick, or to break up the weighty, layered dialogue in Cinemax movies with “Deception” in the title.
4. There’s Something About Mary
Yes, the withered, saggy boobs in this accidental peeping scene are props (I’m hoping, if there’s any gynecologic justice in this world), but so was the third nipple on that chick from Total Recall, and that didn’t stop me from fantasizing about her non-stop - Peter Griffin style - back when I was younger*. I guess the only consolation from this quick-cut startler is that by NOT seeing Cameron Diaz’s boobs, I can still argue my theory that her nipples are actually just shrill, laughing cartoon faces.
* Last week
3. The Rules Of Attraction
The unsexiness of the Food Service Girl’s cut-up corpse being pulled out of a bloody bathtub still pales in comparison to the jaw-dropping implausibility of the scene itself, which represents a sharp peak on this movie’s upward-trending graph of being totally sh*tty. I suppose the suicide scene does balance the extremely sexy and even more believable party scene where completely naked college girls grind on costumed dudes, which, I don’t know about you, definitely reminds me of every single party I ever went to in college. By the way, I went to Eyes Wide Shut U.
2. About Schmidt
I thought we had a deal, Kathy Bates - I acknowledge that you’re really talented and allow you to be the one successful, yet unattractive actress in a looks-obsessed profession, and in exchange, I NEEEEVVVVEEEEERRRRRR see you naked. Ever...In fact, we should never see you with fewer than four, maybe five layers of clothes on, preferably involving some combination of judicial robes, bulletproof vests, and/or Hazmat suits. In fact, can you please play some FBI-judge in a radiation-filled courtroom in your next movie? Who’s also a beekeeper on the side? I have no doubts that you’ll be awesome.
1. The Shining
The only thing more painful than getting kicked in the crotch is having someone deliberately giving you an erection and then kick you in the junk. That seems to have been about the only possible motivation behind Mr. Kubrick’s decision to include Shining's “old woman in the bath” scene - I realize the dude’s going insane, but surely there are cinematic devices which can convey this idea without sucker-punching the vas deferens of every unsuspecting adolescent watching this movie for the first time? Or at least have the scene jump cut before she turns into the old woman to a scene of Jack outside the door saying into the camera “wow, that was gross and surprising! She turned into a melting old woman! Well I’ll be!” Wouldn’t that have been a fair compromise for everyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Honarable Mention:
Monster's Ball ("you make me feel good...")
Requiem for a Dream (@$$ to @$$. That's all I have to say)
Kids (I think there are laws saying you can’t be turned on by this movie)
Brown Bunny (If you think this movie is hot, your name is Vincent Gallo)
The Adventures of Milo and Otis (wait...ummm)
Taking Lives
Remember when all those crazy RESTRICTED trailers of naked Angie Jolie leaked to the interweb, and just as everyone who never thought to type "Angelina Jolie" and "Gia" into Google was preparing to go nuts, we soon learned that "Naked Angelina Jolie" actually meant "Naked Dragon Woman Thing From Rejected Pixar Film?" It’d be like if a movie came out billing "Shannon Elizabeth FINALLY gets naked!" and everyone dumb enough to be excited by it was treated to a CGI'd Shannon Elizabeth-voiced unicorn character with rainbow-colored boobs. Which reminds me...I forgot to Netflix Beowulf.
6. Basic Instinct 2
Perhaps the most necessary sequel in cinematic history (besides “Bring It On Again”), Instinct 2 is a gripping, powerful tale about the inevitability of human aging and the overwhelming nature of denial. Sharon Stone is thoroughly convincing as the never-acclaimed lead actress who foolishly equates credibility with being naked a whole bunch of times, but her doctored, leathery flesh merely symbolizes the hopeless pursuit of eternal youth. Unfortunately, I feel like the critics didn’t fully appreciate this biting, cautionary tale.
5. Short Cuts
There’s nothing particularly unappealing about a bottomless Julianne Moore yelling at her husband for three minutes. It’s more or less just one of the most straightforwardly, non-sexual displays of nudity in cinematic history. In fact...the entire idea of utilizing nudity in films to serve some sort of artistic, literary purpose is thoroughly unarousing for me- nude scenes should only be used to either set up some sort of wacky comic foil (usually involving Porky's-like spying), to identify which mortals are about to be massacred in a horror flick, or to break up the weighty, layered dialogue in Cinemax movies with “Deception” in the title.
4. There’s Something About Mary
Yes, the withered, saggy boobs in this accidental peeping scene are props (I’m hoping, if there’s any gynecologic justice in this world), but so was the third nipple on that chick from Total Recall, and that didn’t stop me from fantasizing about her non-stop - Peter Griffin style - back when I was younger*. I guess the only consolation from this quick-cut startler is that by NOT seeing Cameron Diaz’s boobs, I can still argue my theory that her nipples are actually just shrill, laughing cartoon faces.
* Last week
3. The Rules Of Attraction
The unsexiness of the Food Service Girl’s cut-up corpse being pulled out of a bloody bathtub still pales in comparison to the jaw-dropping implausibility of the scene itself, which represents a sharp peak on this movie’s upward-trending graph of being totally sh*tty. I suppose the suicide scene does balance the extremely sexy and even more believable party scene where completely naked college girls grind on costumed dudes, which, I don’t know about you, definitely reminds me of every single party I ever went to in college. By the way, I went to Eyes Wide Shut U.
2. About Schmidt
I thought we had a deal, Kathy Bates - I acknowledge that you’re really talented and allow you to be the one successful, yet unattractive actress in a looks-obsessed profession, and in exchange, I NEEEEVVVVEEEEERRRRRR see you naked. Ever...In fact, we should never see you with fewer than four, maybe five layers of clothes on, preferably involving some combination of judicial robes, bulletproof vests, and/or Hazmat suits. In fact, can you please play some FBI-judge in a radiation-filled courtroom in your next movie? Who’s also a beekeeper on the side? I have no doubts that you’ll be awesome.
1. The Shining
The only thing more painful than getting kicked in the crotch is having someone deliberately giving you an erection and then kick you in the junk. That seems to have been about the only possible motivation behind Mr. Kubrick’s decision to include Shining's “old woman in the bath” scene - I realize the dude’s going insane, but surely there are cinematic devices which can convey this idea without sucker-punching the vas deferens of every unsuspecting adolescent watching this movie for the first time? Or at least have the scene jump cut before she turns into the old woman to a scene of Jack outside the door saying into the camera “wow, that was gross and surprising! She turned into a melting old woman! Well I’ll be!” Wouldn’t that have been a fair compromise for everyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Honarable Mention:
Monster's Ball ("you make me feel good...")
Requiem for a Dream (@$$ to @$$. That's all I have to say)
Kids (I think there are laws saying you can’t be turned on by this movie)
Brown Bunny (If you think this movie is hot, your name is Vincent Gallo)
The Adventures of Milo and Otis (wait...ummm)
Taking Lives
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Old Lists
I found this on a group writing blog that Alana started many years ago. It is from January 2003, and most of it is still true. Except the pants. They're making pants much longer these days.
Things I Do That Annoy Me To No End
1. Wear pants that are too short because I only have one pair that is long enough and I wore those yesterday.
2. Wear boots with said pants to further accentuate the flooding.
3. Search for extracurricular things to keep me busy at work when my job actually provides me with more than I could ever do AND is semi-interesting most days.
4. Not write debit card transactions in my check register. [actually, I don't care at all about this anymore]
5. Avoid reading mail.
6. Forget things.
7. Unknowingly hurt others' feelings.
8. Give in to requests to clog in public.
9. Bite my fingernails.
10. Oversleep every day.
Things I Do That Annoy Others But Too Bad For Them
1. Respond to clothes compliments by announcing what superbargains they were (not my most thrilling shopping victory, but my long-enough pants only cost twelve dollars).
2. Crunch ice. [I wish I still did this, but I can't]
3. Give way too much background for stories and really believe that it's required for context.
Things Others Do That Annoy Me
1. Call the office when the receptionist is away from her desk.
2. Underestimate me.
3. Lie.
4. Tell me that even if we were both lesbians, I would not be dateable. [I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure the source is Alana]
Things I Do That Annoy Me To No End
1. Wear pants that are too short because I only have one pair that is long enough and I wore those yesterday.
2. Wear boots with said pants to further accentuate the flooding.
3. Search for extracurricular things to keep me busy at work when my job actually provides me with more than I could ever do AND is semi-interesting most days.
4. Not write debit card transactions in my check register. [actually, I don't care at all about this anymore]
5. Avoid reading mail.
6. Forget things.
7. Unknowingly hurt others' feelings.
8. Give in to requests to clog in public.
9. Bite my fingernails.
10. Oversleep every day.
Things I Do That Annoy Others But Too Bad For Them
1. Respond to clothes compliments by announcing what superbargains they were (not my most thrilling shopping victory, but my long-enough pants only cost twelve dollars).
2. Crunch ice. [I wish I still did this, but I can't]
3. Give way too much background for stories and really believe that it's required for context.
Things Others Do That Annoy Me
1. Call the office when the receptionist is away from her desk.
2. Underestimate me.
3. Lie.
4. Tell me that even if we were both lesbians, I would not be dateable. [I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure the source is Alana]
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
reasons why i heart gossip girl
i am way too old to like this show as much as i do, but i can't help it
- blair
- chuck
- blair and chuck
- television without pity recaps - jacob rules http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/gossip-girl/
- Quick resolution - problems/relationships/anything rarely lasts more than 3 episodes - it is the most instant gratification show ever
- it is so unrealistic that it might actually be real
- the insane fashion - teenage boys in suits and girls that never wear jeans
xoxo
Best Things That Have Ever Happened On An American Idol Final
2. Prince showed up.
1. David Hasselhoff cried.
1. David Hasselhoff cried.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Reasons Why I Love You (aka this is what happens when you go 60 days without drinking and then find out that the woman you love never loved you)
Julie - You can be such a pain in the ass but I love you because we can talk forever. I could hang out with you during a tornado and have a good time. You can always make me laugh and you laugh at my stupid jokes even when I know it wasn't funny. Of course, you'll qualify it by telling me it wasn't funny. Most importantly, you have truly exquisite taste in all things art and have no idea how smart you really are. But when it comes to watching T.V. on DVD, I could die doing that with you and several bottles of red wine. No, really...several. And you were there for me when I needed you most. I actually do love you with all of my heart.
Blaine - Women are never a competition with us. J.K. Seriously, you are the smartest person in the room at all times but are so humble yet conceited at the same time that you somehow make this amalgamated monster that I both love and love. I don't think I've ever known someone who wants to be in a relationship with someone half as good as they are who deserves it. That was a tough sentence to get through, I know. You, I think, are the only person who thinks I'm as funny as I think I am and also, the funniest person in any room I'm not standing in.
Derek - You have an "asshole" facade but you're really the nicest person I know. And that's saying a lot. As much as I know I could ask any of my friends for anything, you, I feel, would be the one to really come through no matter what I asked of you. You also censor yourself too much because you're so self-conscious about how funny you are at all times. But with great power, comes great responsibility. Also, you have always been there for my horrible relationships and, more importantly, have always been right. You know I'll never listen to you, but I'll always concede. Always. But probably most importantly, I love that you and I will always split the tab. I remember our discussions about people and money fondly. Very fondly. It makes me laugh.
Austen - Oh I miss drinking with you. When you call me or text me, even though it's usually because Karen is coming into town and you just want someone to kill the time with until she gets here, I always appreciate it. More importantly, we have always had this weird relationship where during almost every single bar-outing, we have at least one real, serious discussion about either life, love or politics. I miss you a lot. And although this is something you probably don't want everyone on our "blog site" to know, the fact that you loaned me 100 dollars for no reason, tells me everything I'll ever need to know about how much you care about me. I'm going to pay that back ten fold by the way.
Ragan - You have the biggest facade of all. You're tough - no denying. But once in a while, usually when alcohol is involved, you come across as a caring, smart, funny, vulnerable human being and when you do, you make me wish we were better friends. I will always think of you as one of my best friends even though you'll probably go to your grave denying it. But I know you love me. And I will never forget that I slapped a microphone out of my face and made an enemy of you. Oh, if I had a time machine. And I wish I could play touch screen trivia with you right now! ( I love yelling at you when you when you miss "sports" questions).
Karen - I smile when I type your name. You know why? Because I HATED you when I first met you. What's funny is, you have since become one of my favorite people ever. And, surprisingly, it has nothing to do with Austen. You just have this way about you that I love. I love that you are a total bitch to everyone you meet for the first time (even if it's my current girlfriend). I always tell them "that's how she was when I first met her" and I'm not lying. But if I live by a code, it is the "Karen" code. And that is, nobody is good enough to be inside my circle until I declare they're good enough. You also have a fantastic smile and are just a beautiful person, inside and out.
Candice - For starters, you and I have a great "how we met story" even for friends. In fact, it's so great, I don't even know if YOU know it. We met during one of the float trips. And you told Derek that you thought I was going to kiss you. And that made ME think that Derek was mad at me. And this is making ZERO sense for everyone except me, you and Derek. But that's ok. It was worth it. You certainly made Claudine feel at home and, now that I think about it, besides being Derek's wife and, eventually, the mother of his children, I think you were put on this earth to be my current girlfriend's foray into the world of my friends. That was a long sentence but it's true. Also, there's nobody I would rather have shots with. Especially fruity shots. Oh, and discuss popular music with. And kudos to Derek. You're hot.
D.J. - First of all, your first name is my middle name. Bet you didn't know that. Secondly, what's it like to be the kind of person that EVERYBODY LIKES? Seriously, have you ever known someone to NOT like you? You are, simply, the most likable person on the planet. You are funny, smart and modest. And incredibly handsome. Why not? You, much like Ragan , probably have no idea how highly I think of you. Well, the answer is very. Like, 9.9 out of 10. I would be more sad if something happened to you than if my sister died. What? Well, I really just wanted to see if you were paying attention dear reader. But I really love D.J. And he has a super nice apartment and girlfriend (see how I slipped SUSAN into my "Why I Love You" blog without having to actually list her since I don't know her at all?). However, I am extremely disappointed that he never contributes to the blogs.
Q.T. - I'll bet you're surprised to find your name here. Well, I have to admit (and the afore mentioned can attest) that I have never wanted to meet someone ever. But man, I can't wait for our movie-actor game. Your posts keep me going. Don't stop. And please know that I really don't think as highly of myself as I post. I actually quite hate myself. But, thanks to you, I now love J.T. So, therefore, I love you. It'll make sense when we meet. I'm not even gay. Well, that depends on your definition.
P.S. I triple dog dare any one of you to top this post~
Blaine - Women are never a competition with us. J.K. Seriously, you are the smartest person in the room at all times but are so humble yet conceited at the same time that you somehow make this amalgamated monster that I both love and love. I don't think I've ever known someone who wants to be in a relationship with someone half as good as they are who deserves it. That was a tough sentence to get through, I know. You, I think, are the only person who thinks I'm as funny as I think I am and also, the funniest person in any room I'm not standing in.
Derek - You have an "asshole" facade but you're really the nicest person I know. And that's saying a lot. As much as I know I could ask any of my friends for anything, you, I feel, would be the one to really come through no matter what I asked of you. You also censor yourself too much because you're so self-conscious about how funny you are at all times. But with great power, comes great responsibility. Also, you have always been there for my horrible relationships and, more importantly, have always been right. You know I'll never listen to you, but I'll always concede. Always. But probably most importantly, I love that you and I will always split the tab. I remember our discussions about people and money fondly. Very fondly. It makes me laugh.
Austen - Oh I miss drinking with you. When you call me or text me, even though it's usually because Karen is coming into town and you just want someone to kill the time with until she gets here, I always appreciate it. More importantly, we have always had this weird relationship where during almost every single bar-outing, we have at least one real, serious discussion about either life, love or politics. I miss you a lot. And although this is something you probably don't want everyone on our "blog site" to know, the fact that you loaned me 100 dollars for no reason, tells me everything I'll ever need to know about how much you care about me. I'm going to pay that back ten fold by the way.
Ragan - You have the biggest facade of all. You're tough - no denying. But once in a while, usually when alcohol is involved, you come across as a caring, smart, funny, vulnerable human being and when you do, you make me wish we were better friends. I will always think of you as one of my best friends even though you'll probably go to your grave denying it. But I know you love me. And I will never forget that I slapped a microphone out of my face and made an enemy of you. Oh, if I had a time machine. And I wish I could play touch screen trivia with you right now! ( I love yelling at you when you when you miss "sports" questions).
Karen - I smile when I type your name. You know why? Because I HATED you when I first met you. What's funny is, you have since become one of my favorite people ever. And, surprisingly, it has nothing to do with Austen. You just have this way about you that I love. I love that you are a total bitch to everyone you meet for the first time (even if it's my current girlfriend). I always tell them "that's how she was when I first met her" and I'm not lying. But if I live by a code, it is the "Karen" code. And that is, nobody is good enough to be inside my circle until I declare they're good enough. You also have a fantastic smile and are just a beautiful person, inside and out.
Candice - For starters, you and I have a great "how we met story" even for friends. In fact, it's so great, I don't even know if YOU know it. We met during one of the float trips. And you told Derek that you thought I was going to kiss you. And that made ME think that Derek was mad at me. And this is making ZERO sense for everyone except me, you and Derek. But that's ok. It was worth it. You certainly made Claudine feel at home and, now that I think about it, besides being Derek's wife and, eventually, the mother of his children, I think you were put on this earth to be my current girlfriend's foray into the world of my friends. That was a long sentence but it's true. Also, there's nobody I would rather have shots with. Especially fruity shots. Oh, and discuss popular music with. And kudos to Derek. You're hot.
D.J. - First of all, your first name is my middle name. Bet you didn't know that. Secondly, what's it like to be the kind of person that EVERYBODY LIKES? Seriously, have you ever known someone to NOT like you? You are, simply, the most likable person on the planet. You are funny, smart and modest. And incredibly handsome. Why not? You, much like Ragan , probably have no idea how highly I think of you. Well, the answer is very. Like, 9.9 out of 10. I would be more sad if something happened to you than if my sister died. What? Well, I really just wanted to see if you were paying attention dear reader. But I really love D.J. And he has a super nice apartment and girlfriend (see how I slipped SUSAN into my "Why I Love You" blog without having to actually list her since I don't know her at all?). However, I am extremely disappointed that he never contributes to the blogs.
Q.T. - I'll bet you're surprised to find your name here. Well, I have to admit (and the afore mentioned can attest) that I have never wanted to meet someone ever. But man, I can't wait for our movie-actor game. Your posts keep me going. Don't stop. And please know that I really don't think as highly of myself as I post. I actually quite hate myself. But, thanks to you, I now love J.T. So, therefore, I love you. It'll make sense when we meet. I'm not even gay. Well, that depends on your definition.
P.S. I triple dog dare any one of you to top this post~
Sunday, May 10, 2009
This just in...
Justin Timberlake is awesome.
The pop star, actor, falsetto enthusiast, and certified BAMF hosted SNL for the third time in his already illustrious career last evening, and to be perfectly honest, he killed.
Killed, Jerry. Killed.
Timberlake's ability to be the coolest guy in the room without trying - and without making all other guys hate him for it - is an extremely rare talent. Jackmanesque some might say. Equally refreshing is seeing a star of his magnitude not afraid to make fun of himself, an ability that paved the way for this grainy sketch:
Which segues perfectly into the follow up of the Andy Samberg-Timberlake internet sensation about a certain object in a box. Saturday's digital short was just as bleeped - and just in time for Mother's Day.
Good luck getting this absolute filthy ditty out of your head today:
The pop star, actor, falsetto enthusiast, and certified BAMF hosted SNL for the third time in his already illustrious career last evening, and to be perfectly honest, he killed.
Killed, Jerry. Killed.
Timberlake's ability to be the coolest guy in the room without trying - and without making all other guys hate him for it - is an extremely rare talent. Jackmanesque some might say. Equally refreshing is seeing a star of his magnitude not afraid to make fun of himself, an ability that paved the way for this grainy sketch:
Which segues perfectly into the follow up of the Andy Samberg-Timberlake internet sensation about a certain object in a box. Saturday's digital short was just as bleeped - and just in time for Mother's Day.
Good luck getting this absolute filthy ditty out of your head today:
Friday, May 8, 2009
Why I Sleep With One Eye Open
The following is an exact transcript of my mother's contacts from her cell phone.
I am not making any of this up. Someone please call child services.
- 4135313995
- 413543344, orchard
- 536110211cqkncqkncqkncqkqkncnc
- 802558081hxpm
- 860748712knckncknckncknckncknckncknckn
- 88888xpm'
- 9007002108???????????
- ari
- b86045923ow, aurie
- balance
- blow low
- blow s
- blows, karen
- blows, karen
- blows, laurie
- cararauh, kridtiauthyaxnduand
- daia
- di
- dorothy
- eisey, oe
- en
- evinb
- firliet, kridti
- gouge
- hks x nhks x nhks x nhks x 84828482848284
- hks x nhks x nhks x nhks x 84828482848284
- hks x nhks x nhks x nhks x 84828482848284
- hks84828482848284
- hxpm
- hxpm
- hxpm
- hxpm
- hxpmcqkncqn
- jerk
- jerry
- karen
- merr,,on"
- merrill, jon
- merrill, irene
- minutes used
- mom
- moms
- moyni, sue
- moynihan, barb
- moynihan, jackie
- moynihan, steve- (***my step dad)
- moynihan, sue
- orchard
- p, xpmcqkcqkncqkncqkncqn
- pmx
- riverbend chickopp
- steve-
- stewat, tammara
- su
- talbot, judy
- todd (***I tried to use this today to call Todd, my brother, and my step dad, Steve answered his work phone)
- uhyaxnp, anppuv?
I am not making any of this up. Someone please call child services.
Late Night Rambling List
QT and I just finished up some work that we decided could be completed at the local watering hole. So now we will create a joint list, in the form of the game, Movie/Actor. Who will win?!?
QT:Movie/PJ:Actor
Go:
Michael Clayton
George Clooney
Leatherheads
Renee Zellweger
Cold Mountain
Eileen Atkins
The Village?? (checking IMDB................not correct!)
I win.
Try again?
Pootie Tang
Ice Cube? (checking IMDB................not correct!)
QT wins.
Try again?
In the Bedroom
Marisa Tomei
Untamed Heart
Christian Slater
Gleaming the Cube
Martha Plimpton? (checking IMDB..................Not correct!)
QT wins. 2 out of 3. However, this does not count because QT thought he was talking about *Pump Up the Volume*. Anyway, try again?
Spaceballs
Bill Pullman
Independence Day
Will Smith
Hitch
Kevin James
Chuck & Larry Get Married or Something?
Adam Sandler
Click
Drew Barrymore? Wrong.
QT wins again (except for how he said Chuck and Larry Get Married or Something?) and we go again....
The Dark Knight
Gary Oldman
Bram Stoker's Dracula
Sadie Frost
Married to Jude Law? Gattaca? Almost correct.
I win. Next?
Slumdog Millionaire
Frieda Pinto
well, that backfired. I win. Again?
Casino Royale
Judi Dench
Elizabeth
Cate Blanchett
The Talented Mr. Ripley
And with that we will agree that either this movie or The English Patient is the prettiest movie ever made.
(they are making us leave)
QT:Movie/PJ:Actor
Go:
Michael Clayton
George Clooney
Leatherheads
Renee Zellweger
Cold Mountain
Eileen Atkins
The Village?? (checking IMDB................not correct!)
I win.
Try again?
Pootie Tang
Ice Cube? (checking IMDB................not correct!)
QT wins.
Try again?
In the Bedroom
Marisa Tomei
Untamed Heart
Christian Slater
Gleaming the Cube
Martha Plimpton? (checking IMDB..................Not correct!)
QT wins. 2 out of 3. However, this does not count because QT thought he was talking about *Pump Up the Volume*. Anyway, try again?
Spaceballs
Bill Pullman
Independence Day
Will Smith
Hitch
Kevin James
Chuck & Larry Get Married or Something?
Adam Sandler
Click
Drew Barrymore? Wrong.
QT wins again (except for how he said Chuck and Larry Get Married or Something?) and we go again....
The Dark Knight
Gary Oldman
Bram Stoker's Dracula
Sadie Frost
Married to Jude Law? Gattaca? Almost correct.
I win. Next?
Slumdog Millionaire
Frieda Pinto
well, that backfired. I win. Again?
Casino Royale
Judi Dench
Elizabeth
Cate Blanchett
The Talented Mr. Ripley
And with that we will agree that either this movie or The English Patient is the prettiest movie ever made.
(they are making us leave)
Thursday, May 7, 2009
my thoughts on whole foods
things i like
- salad in a box - mixed greens, blue cheese, walnuts and roasted tomatoes
- chicken pot stickers and the awesome dipping sauce
- not having to print stickers for your vegetables
- it is not crowded
- they have the good pita chips
- the seafood
things i do not like
- they do not have the good hummus
- the bakery is terrible
- it is small and has no selection
- it has very few "regular" products
- it is the most expensive place in houston
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Things You Probably Didn't Know About: The Last Templar
- It's a Made-for-TV movie with the caliber of stars you would expect for something like this.
- Mira Sorvino is the lead...she plays an archaeologist named Tess Chaykin.
- The movie opens at a museum where they are displaying ancient artifacts (I'm guessing worth billions of dollars). Tess is one of the attendees. This is where we get to know her and how sassy she is.
- Suddenly, four men dressed as Templar Knights storm the museum (on HORSES), behead the one security guard standing outside, and steal the artifacts. Well, when one of the men steals a gold cross (which Tess's dad discovered) she yells "Hey! That doesn't belong to you!" and grabs a gold staff and tries to knock him off his horse. When they get away, Tess follows, jumps on a police horse stationed outside the museum (she's wearing a dress and high heels, btw) and follows the man with the gold cross. She meets up with him in Central Park and they have a joust. Yes. A joust. She wins, knocking him off the horse. The police come and arrest her.
- FBI shows up to the museum led by Agent Sean Daly (say it with me...Scott Foley) who immediately falls for the sassy Tess.
- Oh yeah, this movie was based on a NOVEL. That means not only did someone take the time to write this story in novel form, but someone published it and then SOLD the rights to make a movie. Someone else then adapted the novel into a screenplay and then someone directed it.
- Back at FBI, Agent Sean Daly is getting yelled at by his boss (a woman). She says "One of New York's finest is beheaded by a medieval knight."
- While looking at the video of the robbery, one of Sean's co-workers says to him "They've got helmets on so no tattoos or marks to ID them."
- Meanwhile, back at home, Tess and her 7-year-old daughter use google search to unlock the secret to the robbery that the FBI and police are too stupid to discover.
- Tess goes to the hospital to visit her friend who was hurt at the museum (you see? her MALE friend got hurt, but she didn't. She's just as tough, if not TOUGHER than any man). While at the hospital, she learns that the man she jousted is on the same floor. So she casually slips into the room where they keep all the doctor's lab coats (in case anyone needs one) and slips out posed as...a doctor. She goes to the door where the man is being held and easily gets past the security guard. While inside she convinces him to tell her secrets that are over 700 years old and he does, because she is scary.
- After she leaves, a man shows up, flashes a fake FBI badge, and gets inside (this security guard is doing a great job so far). The man gets inside, bla bla bla, kills the guy, and then leaves.
- Now, Agent Sean Daly is confused. His only lead in the robbery is dead. So he and the rest of the FBI examine the video tapes from the hospital where he tells his boss "Everyone going into the room checks out...except for a female doctor we haven't been able to identify yet and an FBI agent."
- This is about 38 minutes into the movie and where I pressed "stop" on the player.
- You're welcome.
Monday, May 4, 2009
things my brother cooked this weekend...i think
my brother the chef lives with me. this is good and bad. bad - i come home from a weekend out of town and find pots and pans and bowls and appliances everywhere. and this is what i think he made.
- some sort of savory cookie/cracker - (mixer is covered in flour and still plugged in; cookies are in Tupperware)
- a pot of coffee - (coffee maker is still plugged in and half full)
- hot tea (french press full of tea leaves on the counter)
- a roast chicken - (Tupperware full of chicken in fridge - first find to not send me into a rage)
- a jar of pickled ramps - (had to ask - bc this really looks like a jar of weeds)
Sunday, May 3, 2009
A Few Things You Don't Know About Me
1. I've seen every movie Kate Bosworth has been in...and liked 'em all (particularly Rules of Attraction...hmmm).
2. I won my dorm award for "The Student Who Has Changed the Least Since Childhood." I was mortified to see a picture of me as a toddler in my dorm hall Freshman year. Apparently the RA's got parents to send in pics of their cherished ones, and, well, my Mom has always been a joiner. I'm not sure which award was more humiliating - this one, or one I received when working at Blockbuster for being "Perky." Yep, that's the one.
3. I swear...a lot. Should you ask them, most people who have spent any time with me will say that I never swear. And I don't...when I'm with people. When I'm on my own it's a different matter. If I'm alone and I drop something, or forget something, or get frustrated with the computer the air turns blue and I'm cursing like…what swears a lot? A navvy? A trooper? Al Swearingen?.
It's not a conscious decision to switch this language off when in company. I never think "ooh, I'm really vexed, but I musn't say fuck". It simply doesn't happen and I very, very rarely feel the need for it. Years of some kind of trying to be a good boy have conditioned me to be polite, which has its advantages. On the few occasions that I do swear it has much effect.
4. I find extreme atheists and religious fundamentalists equally irrational. Having no degree of agnosticism whatsoever, and placing absolute faith in the existence/non-existence of any deity is, in my opinion, illogical.
5. I dislike any form of synchronous communication, primarily because it leaves almost no time to think of about my response. I can only just bear forms of communication like Sametime and BBM which are only just synchronous, and as most people who've ever spoken to me on either will know, it is not unheard of me taking five minutes to reply.
6. Everything you think you know is wrong. All the world's a stage/And all the men and women are merely players. Very little of how I appear externally is how I am internally. Only one or two people really know me.
7. I cried (borderline weeeeppppeeeedddd) during the West Wing series finale. In related news, "Tomorrow" is my favorite word.
2. I won my dorm award for "The Student Who Has Changed the Least Since Childhood." I was mortified to see a picture of me as a toddler in my dorm hall Freshman year. Apparently the RA's got parents to send in pics of their cherished ones, and, well, my Mom has always been a joiner. I'm not sure which award was more humiliating - this one, or one I received when working at Blockbuster for being "Perky." Yep, that's the one.
3. I swear...a lot. Should you ask them, most people who have spent any time with me will say that I never swear. And I don't...when I'm with people. When I'm on my own it's a different matter. If I'm alone and I drop something, or forget something, or get frustrated with the computer the air turns blue and I'm cursing like…what swears a lot? A navvy? A trooper? Al Swearingen?.
It's not a conscious decision to switch this language off when in company. I never think "ooh, I'm really vexed, but I musn't say fuck". It simply doesn't happen and I very, very rarely feel the need for it. Years of some kind of trying to be a good boy have conditioned me to be polite, which has its advantages. On the few occasions that I do swear it has much effect.
4. I find extreme atheists and religious fundamentalists equally irrational. Having no degree of agnosticism whatsoever, and placing absolute faith in the existence/non-existence of any deity is, in my opinion, illogical.
5. I dislike any form of synchronous communication, primarily because it leaves almost no time to think of about my response. I can only just bear forms of communication like Sametime and BBM which are only just synchronous, and as most people who've ever spoken to me on either will know, it is not unheard of me taking five minutes to reply.
6. Everything you think you know is wrong. All the world's a stage/And all the men and women are merely players. Very little of how I appear externally is how I am internally. Only one or two people really know me.
7. I cried (borderline weeeeppppeeeedddd) during the West Wing series finale. In related news, "Tomorrow" is my favorite word.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Things You Probably Didn't Know About: While She Was Out Part II
- I am now 33 minutes into this movie and have to stop it.
- After leaving the mall she crashed her car in an abandoned construction site and found a tool box.
- The "thugs" (led by Lukas Haas) are chasing her.
- I decided to read the Netflix description of the film and this is what it says word-for-word: What starts out as a Christmas Eve trip to the mall ends up as an exercise in terror for suburban mom Della Myers (Kim Basinger) when she finds herself stranded in a forest and pursued by a quartet of thugs.. all because she's left an angry note on their car. The baddies (including Lukas Haas) chase her from the mall, and when she crashes her car in a wooded area, she has nothing to fend off her attackers but her wits and her toolbox.
- Exercise in terror.
- Stranded in a forest.
- Quartet of thugs.
- Angry note.
- Baddies
- Wooded area.
- Toolbox.
- Wow.
Things You Probably Didn't Know About: While She Was Out
- It is the worst movie ever made.
- Kim Basinger won an Academy Award and yet, is still the worst actress alive.
- It is one of the funniest movies ever made.
- I am only 20 minutes into it right now and here's what happened so far...
- Her abusive stock-broker husband came home to find the house in shambles and started a fight with her on Christmas Eve.
- She went to the mall ON CHRISTMAS EVE to buy wrapping paper.
- Please re-read the last one...
- She left a note on a car that was taking up two parking spaces.
- The car belonged to a group of wild teenagers (because where else would they be on Christmas Eve?) who are omniscient and knew that she was the one who wrote the note.
- They blocked her in and told her to "eat dick".
- They murdered the mall security guard.
- She got away...
bummers
- My A/C is broken and won't be fixed until next week, at the earliest. It will probably cost a lot of money.
- Monday's ridiculous rain storm caused water damage in the downstairs bedroom and now I have a hole in the ceiling.
- This seems like a lot to me since I have only made three mortgage payments.
- My watch stopped keeping time. I got that in Jamaica 4 years ago, so that's not too bad.
- Last week I went to New Orleans and when I got back to the airport my car was dead. It is 7 months old, so that's pretty dumb.
- Three days ago my phone broke, completely. It is 5 months old.
My constant reference to the movie *The Money Pit* has given me new opportunities to discuss the comedic brilliance of Shelley Long with others. Although no one seems to know what I am talking about.
Also, today my co-worker Monica touched my phone. Like, that is all she did, touched it. And now it works. I had made the rounds with tech support and tried all sorts of touching and rebooting and reactivating and it was still dead. So I am wondering if I should have Monica come over and take care of the rest of these things.
I am off to a wedding.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Things You Probably Didn't Know About: The Office
- B.J. Novak (Ryan Howard) graduated from Harvard with a degree in English and Spanish Literature. He went to high school with...
- John Krasinski who graduated from Brown as a playwright with honors. He wrote and directed his first feature film coming out later this year called "Brief Interviews with Hideous Men".
- Mindy Kaling (Kelly Kapoor) is also a co-writer of the show and wrote the play "Matt and Ben" for broadway. She played Ben.
- Creed Bratton was a member of the 60's band, The Grassroots. Since leaving the band he has released 3 solo albums, the latest of which is called "Creed Bratton".
- Jenna Fischer (Pam Beesley) wrote and directed a movie called "LoliLove" with her (now ex) husband. She is also one of the hottest women on the face of the earth (along with Tina Fey).
- Paul Lieberstein (Toby) is also a co-writer but probably got the job because the he is the brother-in-law of creator, Greg Daniels. He is also the brother-in-law of Angela. Haven't figured that one out yet.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
ACL 2009 Line-up!
* Pearl Jam
* Dave Matthews Band
* Beastie Boys
* Kings of Leon
* Ben Harper and Relentless7
* Thievery Corporation
* John Legend
* The Dead Weather
* The Levon Helm Band
* Ghostland Observatory
* Sonic Youth
* Mos Def
* Toadies
* Flogging Molly
* The B-52s
* Lily Allen
* Citizen Cope
* Arctic Monkeys
* The Decemberists
* Coheed and Cambria
* Andrew Bird
* Girl Talk
* STS9 (Sound Tribe Sector 9)
* Phoenix
* Bassnectar
* Bon Iver
* !!!
* Avett Brothers
* The Airborne Toxic Event
* Medeski, Martin & Wood
* Clutch
* Michael Franti & Spearhead
* Grizzly Bear
* Heartless Bastards
* Passion Pit
* White Lies
* Dan Auerbach
* The Walkmen
* The Scabs
* Reckless Kelly
* DeVotchka
* Blitzen Trapper
* The Virgins
* Here We Go Magic
* Eek-A-Mouse
* K'Naan
* Asleep at the Wheel
* Dr. Dog
* The Raveonettes
* The Knux
* Black Joe Lewis & the Honeybears
* State Radio
* Los Amigos Invisibles
* The Felice Brothers
* Federico Aubele
* Raul Malo
* Daniel Johnston
* Poi Dog Pondering
* Brett Dennen
* Rodriguez
* Henry Butler
* Preservation Hall
* Sam Roberts Band
* The Greencards
* Sara Watkins
* Walter "Wolfman" Washington
* David Garza
* John Vanderslice
* Zac Brown Band
* Todd Snider
* School of Seven Bells
* The Dodos
* Robyn Hitchcock and the Venus 3
* Alberta Cross
* Deer Tick
* Bell X1
* Alela Diane
* The Wood Brothers
* The Parlor Mob
* Rebirth Brass Band
* Marva Wright
* Terri Hendrix
* L.A.X.
* Lisa Hannigan
* The Low Anthem
* Sons of Bill
* Suckers
* Sarah Jaffe
* Cotton Jones
* The Henry Clay People
* Papa Mali
* Jypsi
* Vince Mira
* Jonathan Tyler & The Northern Lights
* Mimicking Birds
* Jeffrey Steele
* Jonell Mosser
* Leatherbag
* Keith Gattis
* Damien Horne
* Sarah Siskind
* The Dexateens
* Nelo
* Danny Brooks
* Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band
* The Soul Stirrers
* The Durdens
* Palm School Elementary
* The Gospel Silvertones
* Diaconos
* Quinn Sullivan
* Ralph's World
* Q Brothers
* Milkshake
* Telephone Company
* Loose Cannons
* Lunch Money
* Dave Matthews Band
* Beastie Boys
* Kings of Leon
* Ben Harper and Relentless7
* Thievery Corporation
* John Legend
* The Dead Weather
* The Levon Helm Band
* Ghostland Observatory
* Sonic Youth
* Mos Def
* Toadies
* Flogging Molly
* The B-52s
* Lily Allen
* Citizen Cope
* Arctic Monkeys
* The Decemberists
* Coheed and Cambria
* Andrew Bird
* Girl Talk
* STS9 (Sound Tribe Sector 9)
* Phoenix
* Bassnectar
* Bon Iver
* !!!
* Avett Brothers
* The Airborne Toxic Event
* Medeski, Martin & Wood
* Clutch
* Michael Franti & Spearhead
* Grizzly Bear
* Heartless Bastards
* Passion Pit
* White Lies
* Dan Auerbach
* The Walkmen
* The Scabs
* Reckless Kelly
* DeVotchka
* Blitzen Trapper
* The Virgins
* Here We Go Magic
* Eek-A-Mouse
* K'Naan
* Asleep at the Wheel
* Dr. Dog
* The Raveonettes
* The Knux
* Black Joe Lewis & the Honeybears
* State Radio
* Los Amigos Invisibles
* The Felice Brothers
* Federico Aubele
* Raul Malo
* Daniel Johnston
* Poi Dog Pondering
* Brett Dennen
* Rodriguez
* Henry Butler
* Preservation Hall
* Sam Roberts Band
* The Greencards
* Sara Watkins
* Walter "Wolfman" Washington
* David Garza
* John Vanderslice
* Zac Brown Band
* Todd Snider
* School of Seven Bells
* The Dodos
* Robyn Hitchcock and the Venus 3
* Alberta Cross
* Deer Tick
* Bell X1
* Alela Diane
* The Wood Brothers
* The Parlor Mob
* Rebirth Brass Band
* Marva Wright
* Terri Hendrix
* L.A.X.
* Lisa Hannigan
* The Low Anthem
* Sons of Bill
* Suckers
* Sarah Jaffe
* Cotton Jones
* The Henry Clay People
* Papa Mali
* Jypsi
* Vince Mira
* Jonathan Tyler & The Northern Lights
* Mimicking Birds
* Jeffrey Steele
* Jonell Mosser
* Leatherbag
* Keith Gattis
* Damien Horne
* Sarah Siskind
* The Dexateens
* Nelo
* Danny Brooks
* Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band
* The Soul Stirrers
* The Durdens
* Palm School Elementary
* The Gospel Silvertones
* Diaconos
* Quinn Sullivan
* Ralph's World
* Q Brothers
* Milkshake
* Telephone Company
* Loose Cannons
* Lunch Money
Monday, April 27, 2009
Information I have collected about the Swine Flu from conversations with others
+ Do not get on an airplane
+ Do not let ANYONE touch my child
+ Do not go to Fiesta across the street from my house, go to river oaks instead for my groceries
+ Do not talk/ touch any Mexicans
+ Do not worry about it at all, it is just a scare tactic by the media
+ Do not let ANYONE touch my child
+ Do not go to Fiesta across the street from my house, go to river oaks instead for my groceries
+ Do not talk/ touch any Mexicans
+ Do not worry about it at all, it is just a scare tactic by the media
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Things That Make My Step-Dad Who He Is
1) Ziggy coffee mug that is at least 10 years old
2) Ham Radio
3) 2 Tractors for mowing one yard
4) A new truck that can never be driven, touched, or looked at
5) Bathrobe which can only be worn OVER a full outfit *sometimes accompanied by winter hat
6) Rye bread. Yuck.
7) A microwave in which he can reheat his ONE cup of coffee throughout the entire day. Double yuck.
8) Our 2 cats. He loves them more than his family. * sidenote, he gave one of them "cat CPR" when my fat nephew sat on him and almost killed him.
9) Stamps with which to MAIL in his tax return. Seriously, who does that anymore?
10) The blue lazy boy chair in which he falls asleep within 2 seconds upon sitting.
2) Ham Radio
3) 2 Tractors for mowing one yard
4) A new truck that can never be driven, touched, or looked at
5) Bathrobe which can only be worn OVER a full outfit *sometimes accompanied by winter hat
6) Rye bread. Yuck.
7) A microwave in which he can reheat his ONE cup of coffee throughout the entire day. Double yuck.
8) Our 2 cats. He loves them more than his family. * sidenote, he gave one of them "cat CPR" when my fat nephew sat on him and almost killed him.
9) Stamps with which to MAIL in his tax return. Seriously, who does that anymore?
10) The blue lazy boy chair in which he falls asleep within 2 seconds upon sitting.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Original Drinks for Somers, Connecticut (Summer)
Lakewater - Hot water with lemon juice.
Pukebroth - Every vegetable known to man, bathed in water for several hours
Nontastie - Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries with rice protein and soy milk (no flavor)
Antistarbuck - Organic, decaf coffee with soy milk
Thenewalcohol - Water
Pukebroth - Every vegetable known to man, bathed in water for several hours
Nontastie - Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries with rice protein and soy milk (no flavor)
Antistarbuck - Organic, decaf coffee with soy milk
Thenewalcohol - Water
Original Drinks for Lakehouse/Bayhouse Weekends
- Lakewater - vodka & lime-flavored LaCroix with twist of lime
- Vodkaccino - vodka & Starbucks bottled Frappuccino
- Humble Wildcat - vodka & Purplesaurus Rex Koolaid garnished with cherry
- POCktail - vodka & Cherry LimeAid, a splash of Sprite with lime wedge
- Grimm Raider - vodka & Gatorade (blue)
Friday, April 24, 2009
Movie (posters) I am excited to see....
In case you did not know me in my collegiate-credit-card-debt-building days, I am kind of obsessed with movie posters (also album art -- I blame Sonny Malone).
Here are some posters that get me all giddy about upcoming movies I know little-to-nothing about:
In the documentary category:
Then there are the pics where the poster doesn't matter, but it sure is nice when they look like this:
^^^Meet the movie made just for me.
this post inspired by Jon's comment regarding Up:
beautiful
Here are some posters that get me all giddy about upcoming movies I know little-to-nothing about:
In the documentary category:
Then there are the pics where the poster doesn't matter, but it sure is nice when they look like this:
^^^Meet the movie made just for me.
this post inspired by Jon's comment regarding Up:
beautiful
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Happy Belated Birthday, Julie & Alana
I will post the list of the movies in the comments (it's long!).
I have no idea why this guy picked this song, but it's nice work anyhow.
Cannes Line-Up!
- Pedro Almodovar - Broken Embraces
- Andrea Arnold - Fish Tank
- Jacques Audiard - Un Prophete
- Marco Bellocchio – Vincere
- Jane Campion - Bright Star
- Xavier Giannoli – A L’Origine
- Isabel Coixet – Map of the Sounds of Tokyo
- Michael Haneke - The White Ribbon
- Ang Lee – Taking Woodstock
- Ken Loach – Looking for Eric
- Lou Ye - Spring Fever
- Brillante Mendoza – Kinatay
- Gaspar Noe – Enter The Void
- Park Chan-Wook – Thirst
- Alain Resnais – Les Herbes Folles
- Elia Suleiman – The Time That Remains
- Quentin Tarantino - Inglourious Basterds
- Johnnie To – Vengeance
- Tsai Ming-liang – Face
- Lars Von Trier – Antichrist
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Things at the NOLA Airport
I am currently sitting at a table across from four plastic dispensers. They are labeled as follows:
I am currently sitting next to a youngish (and skinny) lady who just ordered a plate of food. She ordered the following:
People at the NOLA airport I want to punch:
- napkins
- knives
- multi-purpose spoons
- forks
I am currently sitting next to a youngish (and skinny) lady who just ordered a plate of food. She ordered the following:
- Fried catfish
- Fried shrimp
- French fries
- Hush puppies
People at the NOLA airport I want to punch:
- Old man sipping coke out of a styrofoam cup and standing in front of the otherwise empty check-in kiosk for over 15 minutes.
- The little-orphan-Annie look-a-like with giant cardboard tube trying to get in front of me in line to stand with her "friends" who clearly hated her and left her on purpose because she yells things like "Hey, I found my intinerary" which was crumpled up in a ball at the bottom of her annoying backpack.
- The person who priced 10-oz. plastic cups of Miller lite at $7.89.
- The youngish (and skinny) lady who just ordered the incredibly smelly (and might I add, loud -- the grease is audible as it slips through her fingers, no joke) plate of fried food.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Given The Opportunity, Would You Sleep With Kirsten Dunst? (AKA, how I spent Saturday night arguing with a drunk gal in San Francisco)
Seriously, would YOU sleep with Kirsten Dunst if you had the chance? The cons of the situation are evident — by Hollywood standards, she ain’t exactly gonna crack the E! list of the 100 Hottest Celebrity Asses And V*ginas anytime soon, nor is she in line for any Acting Oscars / Primetime Emmys / Participation Trophies From Tooth-Related Competitions. She’s also been associated with Justin Long, who’s like 1% above just, like, a dude.
ON THE PLUS SIDE, though, she was in Eternal Sunshine, and Spider-Man 2 had its moments (not of her hotness, but moments), and I’ve never slept with anyone in the actual realm of celebrity (I don’t count Kathy Najimy, as it was years after Hocus Pocus), plus it would make for one hell of a blog post, possibly even better than those liveblogs every time I have sex now.
THE VERDICT: Definitely YES. Would I lose a little dignity and snark cred in exchange for the ability to watch Spider-Man with my grandkids and brag that I banged Mary Jane, and having my three-year-old granddaughter turn to me and say “I don’t even know what ‘banged’ means and that’s still f*cking disgusting”? Yes. Yes I would.
ON THE PLUS SIDE, though, she was in Eternal Sunshine, and Spider-Man 2 had its moments (not of her hotness, but moments), and I’ve never slept with anyone in the actual realm of celebrity (I don’t count Kathy Najimy, as it was years after Hocus Pocus), plus it would make for one hell of a blog post, possibly even better than those liveblogs every time I have sex now.
THE VERDICT: Definitely YES. Would I lose a little dignity and snark cred in exchange for the ability to watch Spider-Man with my grandkids and brag that I banged Mary Jane, and having my three-year-old granddaughter turn to me and say “I don’t even know what ‘banged’ means and that’s still f*cking disgusting”? Yes. Yes I would.
Friday, April 17, 2009
I'm sorry Julie, Karen and everyone else....
But here are my top 5 moments of Lost/ top 5 biggest disappointments with Lost...
* This is more for Blaine, QT, and my long lost friend, D.J.
Top 5 Moments
5) When Sayid shoots a young Ben in season 5. Wow.
4) When Hurley discovers that his winning lottery numbers are not only the exact code for the hatch, but also the reason they crashed!
3) End of season 4 when Ben moves the island and a boat discovers the survivors (and it turns out to be Penny). Ooooooh, I get chills just thinking about it.
2) End of season 3. They made television history by showing us that everything we've been seeing is actually a flashback of 3 years earlier. While this was television history in the making, it would have made #1 if it wasn't for...
1) First episode of season 3. This is when the writers CLEARLY decided how to finish the series. We get to see the "others" going about their daily business and get to see the plane crash and how Ben handles the situation. While maybe this wasn't groundbreaking for television, for LOST, it was the most pivotal moment in the show.
Top 5 problems...
5) When the "Oceanic 6" have Penny drop them off at a nearby island so they can convince the world that everyone else is dead, why did Aaron have to go with them? It seems rather dangerous to bring a baby that doesn't belong to anyone and would be much better off in the safe confines of a large boat (especially with Desmond and Kate).
4) Kate and Sawyer having sex. Just gross. Can you imagine how bad you would smell and taste? Yuck.
3) Mr. Eko. He was by far the most interesting part of season 2 and yet we all know that story is dead because they have bigger fish to fry. Of course, I could be wrong. I mean, it's not over yet.
2) Season 5 when Faraday talks to Desmond (of the past) and tells him to find his mom. If this happened in the past, why wouldn't Desmond recognize Faraday when he sees him in the present? MORE IMPORTANTLY, if Desmond was only able to remember this happening AS IT HAPPENED, how come Charlotte could remember Daniel telling her to leave the island as a little girl. Ugh time travel!!!!
1) The smoke monster. You and I both know they thought this was the coolest f'in thing for the first season and then realized "oh shit, we're going to have to explain this!" and have YET to come up with anything. How about a military test? something! anything!
* This is more for Blaine, QT, and my long lost friend, D.J.
Top 5 Moments
5) When Sayid shoots a young Ben in season 5. Wow.
4) When Hurley discovers that his winning lottery numbers are not only the exact code for the hatch, but also the reason they crashed!
3) End of season 4 when Ben moves the island and a boat discovers the survivors (and it turns out to be Penny). Ooooooh, I get chills just thinking about it.
2) End of season 3. They made television history by showing us that everything we've been seeing is actually a flashback of 3 years earlier. While this was television history in the making, it would have made #1 if it wasn't for...
1) First episode of season 3. This is when the writers CLEARLY decided how to finish the series. We get to see the "others" going about their daily business and get to see the plane crash and how Ben handles the situation. While maybe this wasn't groundbreaking for television, for LOST, it was the most pivotal moment in the show.
Top 5 problems...
5) When the "Oceanic 6" have Penny drop them off at a nearby island so they can convince the world that everyone else is dead, why did Aaron have to go with them? It seems rather dangerous to bring a baby that doesn't belong to anyone and would be much better off in the safe confines of a large boat (especially with Desmond and Kate).
4) Kate and Sawyer having sex. Just gross. Can you imagine how bad you would smell and taste? Yuck.
3) Mr. Eko. He was by far the most interesting part of season 2 and yet we all know that story is dead because they have bigger fish to fry. Of course, I could be wrong. I mean, it's not over yet.
2) Season 5 when Faraday talks to Desmond (of the past) and tells him to find his mom. If this happened in the past, why wouldn't Desmond recognize Faraday when he sees him in the present? MORE IMPORTANTLY, if Desmond was only able to remember this happening AS IT HAPPENED, how come Charlotte could remember Daniel telling her to leave the island as a little girl. Ugh time travel!!!!
1) The smoke monster. You and I both know they thought this was the coolest f'in thing for the first season and then realized "oh shit, we're going to have to explain this!" and have YET to come up with anything. How about a military test? something! anything!
Recent (or upcoming) Movies that Jon and I Could Have Written
- The Soloist
- State of Play
- And finally - Just announced, Somewhere -- The movie Jon already wrote!!! This is fucking great. (Mia already made a poster for it too.)
"Thanks to richard crawford for the wake up call about Sofia Coppola’s next project, announced last night in Variety. Set in the famed celebrity hangout, the Chateau Marmont on Sunset Blvd, the script Coppola’s written centers on a self-involved actor in rascally pursuit of hedonistic pleasures who gets a wake up call of his own when his 11-year-old daughter shows up to help realign his priorities.If you’re thinking Adrian Brody and Abigail Breslin you’re not thinking hip enough. Colin Farrell and Saoirse Ronan? Too hip. Try Stephen Dorff and Elle Fanning. ahh… just right. Another perfect fit is Sophia Coppola and Focus Features, the winning combination behind the hipness of Lost in Translation."
Elle Fanning!!!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The Most Important Thing I Learned While Taking Online Defensive Driving
This was actually on the second to last section of my defensive driving. I WISH I was making this up...
Share Yourself
In years to come, the children may not remember which museums or sights they saw, but they will remember having your loving and undivided attention.
Along the journey, share memories, stories and songs
Take a lot of photos
Traveling with children is a wonderful opportunity to create memories that will last a lifetime.
Surprisingly, NONE of this information was on the quiz. I will never go 50 in a 40 in Frisco, Tx again.
Share Yourself
In years to come, the children may not remember which museums or sights they saw, but they will remember having your loving and undivided attention.
Along the journey, share memories, stories and songs
Take a lot of photos
Traveling with children is a wonderful opportunity to create memories that will last a lifetime.
Surprisingly, NONE of this information was on the quiz. I will never go 50 in a 40 in Frisco, Tx again.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Reasons I Hate American Idol
1) My mom won't shut up about how Adam Lambert is going to be bigger than Elvis. Seriously, she has said this more than 5 times now. Bigger than Elvis.
2) My step dad tries to vote (by calling in) every night but has trouble getting through. I get to hear about it the next day. When I ask him why he doesn't just text he says because it costs money. So, after doing some math in my head I came up with the following equation. 2 hours of my step dad's time < $.50. Interesting.
3) My step dad stayed up watching it last night instead of working on his taxes so he spent all day today (April 15th) working on his taxes and at 4:00 pm asked me to go the post office and spend 40 minutes in line to get them mailed. Found out afterwards that they were just extensions. Apparently he's way too busy watching American Idol to work on the actual tax part.
4) I don't like Danny's glasses.
*** I haven't seen a single episode this season:(
2) My step dad tries to vote (by calling in) every night but has trouble getting through. I get to hear about it the next day. When I ask him why he doesn't just text he says because it costs money. So, after doing some math in my head I came up with the following equation. 2 hours of my step dad's time < $.50. Interesting.
3) My step dad stayed up watching it last night instead of working on his taxes so he spent all day today (April 15th) working on his taxes and at 4:00 pm asked me to go the post office and spend 40 minutes in line to get them mailed. Found out afterwards that they were just extensions. Apparently he's way too busy watching American Idol to work on the actual tax part.
4) I don't like Danny's glasses.
*** I haven't seen a single episode this season:(
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Number of Pirates Killed By Each President
Just for comparison's sake. It feels a little wrong to file this under “badass,” and yet I'm still not to a point where I can take this pirate thing seriously.
(via Buzzfeed)
Saturday, April 11, 2009
If I had a job, people I would work for and be happy...
1) Roger Sterling/ Don Draper - I couldn't decide which one I would want to work for MORE so I put them both at #1. I could be a full-fledged alcoholic, have sex with lots of hot secretaries, and still manage to keep a family at bay. Oh, and come up with ads? Where do I sign?
2) John Locke - The man knows what he wants. I would imagine that every day he would tell me some INSANE thing to do for him and I would want to question it, but every day I would realize that he knew what he was doing and the insane thing I did had a purpose. What a cool job.
3) Charlie Crews - For those of you who don't know, there is a show called "Life". And it is mediocre but addicting. The main character, however, is AWESOME. He also knows how to kill people with one punch. I would be okay working for someone like that. Oh, and solving crimes? Yes. And he would make me eat a lot more fruit.
4) Tess McGill - Sassy, sexy and a woman? Yes, one of the few women I would work for (not counting Ripley, but somehow I don't see her as a "businesswoman".) I think I would go far with Miss McGill. Yes, very far indeed. And now that I think about it, I would work for pretty much any woman because they are better than men.
5) Franklin M. Hart, Jr - It would be nice not to have to be so friggin' p.c.
2) John Locke - The man knows what he wants. I would imagine that every day he would tell me some INSANE thing to do for him and I would want to question it, but every day I would realize that he knew what he was doing and the insane thing I did had a purpose. What a cool job.
3) Charlie Crews - For those of you who don't know, there is a show called "Life". And it is mediocre but addicting. The main character, however, is AWESOME. He also knows how to kill people with one punch. I would be okay working for someone like that. Oh, and solving crimes? Yes. And he would make me eat a lot more fruit.
4) Tess McGill - Sassy, sexy and a woman? Yes, one of the few women I would work for (not counting Ripley, but somehow I don't see her as a "businesswoman".) I think I would go far with Miss McGill. Yes, very far indeed. And now that I think about it, I would work for pretty much any woman because they are better than men.
5) Franklin M. Hart, Jr - It would be nice not to have to be so friggin' p.c.
Friday, April 10, 2009
reasons why i finally believe the economy is that bad
i have been in denial and living in a nice houston bubble for the past 6 mos...but reality hit me today....this is very very bad and here is why
- my property tax appraisal for 2009 is lower than 2008
- cost cutting at work - for EVERYTHING - including things fundamental to our jobs and things partners like to do like training and conferences
- stories of people being called into conference rooms and fired on the spot - like 40 at a time
- my biggest client who is a huge oil company has a loss
- i am not getting a raise or a bonus this year ( i have known this for about 3 months but it seems more real now that it is about to happen)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Reasons why I hated *LOST* last night
1. "No Jack!"
I've never really understood the Jack hate...but then again, I've never really appreciated John Locke's utter existence...soooooo, cosmically, I think that's about right.
2. Smokey Letdown
Seriously...WTF...the most important piece of the Lost mythos and the best Messrs Lindelof and Cuse can come up with is a deleted scene from Backdraft? Not to mention the big reveal that a porta john/bat phone can - sometimes - be used to summon the beast...Damn...I wish I could quit you Lost!!!
3. “If everything you’ve done was in the best interest of the island, the monster should understand.”
Ugggghhhhhhhhh...
I've never really understood the Jack hate...but then again, I've never really appreciated John Locke's utter existence...soooooo, cosmically, I think that's about right.
2. Smokey Letdown
Seriously...WTF...the most important piece of the Lost mythos and the best Messrs Lindelof and Cuse can come up with is a deleted scene from Backdraft? Not to mention the big reveal that a porta john/bat phone can - sometimes - be used to summon the beast...Damn...I wish I could quit you Lost!!!
3. “If everything you’ve done was in the best interest of the island, the monster should understand.”
Ugggghhhhhhhhh...
Fun with the News
Here is a list of bad jokes using headlines from today.
- "Pakistan has created a Frankenstein of its own." I hope they name it Frakistan.
- "US crew attack on pirates called brave, foolhardy" More like, foolhar-har-hardy.
- Well, I was going to take a Scott Macintyre headline and make a joke out of it, but it seems the news agencies are on top of the bad wordplay game. Witness:
'American Idol' Recap: Scott MacIntyre's 'Search' Is Over
'American Idol' recap: Getting off Scott-free
Piano Unmanned: Did Mixed Signals Seal Scott's Fate?
Scott Not an American Idol Elimination Survivor
'American Idol' recap: Getting off Scott-free
Piano Unmanned: Did Mixed Signals Seal Scott's Fate?
Scott Not an American Idol Elimination Survivor
These people are nicer than I was going to be.
Reasons why I loved *LOST* last night
**SPOILER ALERT**
*****************************
Also of note on TV last night:
- Desmond!!! (there are not enough exclamation points in the world)
- No Jack!
- "He told me to wait for John Locke." (squeee!)
- Smokey Smackdown
- The Acting!
- Adios, Caesar. Who the fuck do you think you are? (this is perhaps my favorite moment of the entire series)
*****************************
Also of note on TV last night:
- Bye bye, birdsnest!
- Whew, Kris! You almost blew it.
- Fuck off, Gokey.
- Better off Ted is stoops.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Best Things I Did Last Week
5. Political fundraiser (vote Brewster! vote Sheryl! vote Chris Riley!)
4. Attended the Young Men's Business League Spring Fling (feel free to laugh)
3. Had a wait...i-know-you conversation like this. "Hey. Oh yeah...We've met before. I'm Julie." - "I know. I'm Stix!?!?!?" (all punctuation should be pictured on Styx's face (I don't know how to spell it)).
2. Chit-chatted with Blaine, Karen, Austen, Ragan, and Kim.
1. Renegade Karaoke
4. Attended the Young Men's Business League Spring Fling (feel free to laugh)
3. Had a wait...i-know-you conversation like this. "Hey. Oh yeah...We've met before. I'm Julie." - "I know. I'm Stix!?!?!?" (all punctuation should be pictured on Styx's face (I don't know how to spell it)).
2. Chit-chatted with Blaine, Karen, Austen, Ragan, and Kim.
1. Renegade Karaoke
Things Found In My Backseat After dlm and Candice Came Along for a Ride
1. The top to a Drumstick wrapper
2. An empty packet of Pop Rocks
3. A frito chip with some chili remnants on it
4. A stick of Burts Bee's Wax
5. Kite assembly instructions (also with chili remnants on it)
2. An empty packet of Pop Rocks
3. A frito chip with some chili remnants on it
4. A stick of Burts Bee's Wax
5. Kite assembly instructions (also with chili remnants on it)
Sunday, April 5, 2009
things i learned about will last night
- if he were a model he would be a jacket model
- if everything in life were an Olympic sport he would win a gold medal in long distance walking - mainly because he walks at least 2 miles at work every day
- he thinks Blaine is addicted to whoopie goldberg
- he is afraid of heights
- despite his fear of heights he thinks he could also compete in Olympic trampoline - "because you don't have to jump that high"
- XXX is the worst movie he has ever seen
Missed Connections
Here are four *missed connection* ads from Craigslist. I am pretty sure they were all written by the same person, but still....
You look great in hats - 35 (The Gap- Rice Village)
You're blond with blue eyes and you were trying on hats today. I really wanted to tell you that you have the most amazingly shaped head, unfortunately, the smell in that place was really getting to me and my eyes started watering. I ran outside for air and then you were gone. Please, please, please reply. You've restored my interest in haberdashery again. Also, when you reply, tell me what that smell was so I'll know it's you.
You were with two hot guys having brunch at Farrago today. You looked oh-so-handsome and masculine, despite the fact you were drinking a pink bellini through a tiny black straw. And when you put that cherry to your lips and licked it, I nearly creamed my pants. I wanted to talk to you, but someone left my cake out in the rain, and...I'll never have that recipe again. Tell me what the special was at Farrago today, and let's find out what else you can do with your tongue.
We coulda done more in fitting room - 28 (Banana Republic-Rice Village)
You have dark hair and dark eyes and a boyish charm. You were trying on a garishly colored sweater vest. I was blinded by the color and your shockingly good looks. By the time my vision returned to normal, you were gone. I hope you were real and not just a vision. I know that place is very over-priced, but I'm going to shop there non-stop until I see you again. If you contact me, tell me what the color the sweater was so I'll know it's you and so I'll know what to call it in my complaint letter to Banana Republic.
Hot Guy at Urban Outfitters - 30 (Rice Village)
You were trying on glasses that reminded me of my granny. You kind of look like the guy who stuck his finger in my butt at the Ripcord a few weeks ago, but I can't be sure. Tell me what I was wearing and let's go for the other four.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
The Spider Man Three
(the spi·der man three)
n.
1. Highly anticipated major movie release that you plan on seeing but all of your friends somehow saw the day it came out, so you never end up having anyone to go with and thus never see it in theaters.
2. Movie you finally end up watching a year after it came out and inevitably find it not as good/bad as your friends were raving/complaining.
Example Sentence:
I finally watched Spider-Man 3 on tv last night after somehow missing it in theaters, and I’m not sure why all my friends sh*t all over it so much, it really wasn’t any worse or more ridiculous than the first two. I know they’re summer blockbusters, so they’re just supposed to be fun, goofy popcorn flicks, but was Peter Parker’s retarded Buddy-Love-if-he-looked-like-Pete-Wentz hedonistic turn any more ridiculous than Dr. Octopus magically turning evil because his arms take control of him and his arms are total d*cks for some reason then he gets into a fight with Spider-Man on the huge above-ground train that runs through the middle of Manhattan and makes a deal with Harry Osborne to get more of his rare science material instead of just forcing him to do it then re-attempts to create the sun and it ends up killing him?
Spider-Man 3 was a total Spider-Man 3!
(You’re welcome, people. Use and enjoy.)
n.
1. Highly anticipated major movie release that you plan on seeing but all of your friends somehow saw the day it came out, so you never end up having anyone to go with and thus never see it in theaters.
2. Movie you finally end up watching a year after it came out and inevitably find it not as good/bad as your friends were raving/complaining.
Example Sentence:
I finally watched Spider-Man 3 on tv last night after somehow missing it in theaters, and I’m not sure why all my friends sh*t all over it so much, it really wasn’t any worse or more ridiculous than the first two. I know they’re summer blockbusters, so they’re just supposed to be fun, goofy popcorn flicks, but was Peter Parker’s retarded Buddy-Love-if-he-looked-like-Pete-Wentz hedonistic turn any more ridiculous than Dr. Octopus magically turning evil because his arms take control of him and his arms are total d*cks for some reason then he gets into a fight with Spider-Man on the huge above-ground train that runs through the middle of Manhattan and makes a deal with Harry Osborne to get more of his rare science material instead of just forcing him to do it then re-attempts to create the sun and it ends up killing him?
Spider-Man 3 was a total Spider-Man 3!
(You’re welcome, people. Use and enjoy.)
Friday, April 3, 2009
RE: "EW greatest villains? Puh-lease" / "my favorite movie villains"
If I made a list (novel idea indeed!) I'd throw a few bones to the following vile humans of recent memory:
Frank Lucas, American Gangster
Wearing the title of “American Gangster,” Mr. Washington had some big shoes to fill, but after slapping on his period-piece-ass hairstyle and scrawling “I will not just reprise my role in ‘Training Day’” onto a blackboard a thousand times, Denzel turned Frank Lucas into one of the most sympathetic big-house-buying heroin kingpins this side of 80’s Mötley Crüe. He doesn’t kill many innocent people, and he never shivs his grandmother with one of his heroin needles, but for a former Sexiest Man Alive, Washington makes a pretty damn good villain. Almost as good as Harry Hamlin, even.
Billy Mitchell, The King of Kong
Has there ever been a more intense scene in a documentary than when Hotsauce McMullet strolled into the Funspot Arcade and refused to make eye contact with Steve Weibe? Before you name a bunch of documentary scenes that definitely were, I’ll answer for you: NO. Whenever I watch documentaries, I’m always intentionally cognizant of the filmmaker’s bias (they totally made those Enron guys look like criminals!) but there was simply no way anyone could come out of this movie and say anything other than the literal sentence, “Man, Billy Mitchell really seems like a douche.”
Ben Linus, Lost
If Michael Emerson offered me a glass of water, I’m pretty sure I’d psychologically tear myself to pieces wondering whether or not to accept it. Still, just when I was beginning to believe that Ben’s cryptic, bug-eyed advice might have been for a greater good, I was treated with a flashback of Ben murdering his father with poison gas because he just daggum couldn’t remember Lil’ Benny’s birthday. Jack’s cathartic pummeling of Ben in the Season 3 finale reminded me of Sam finally beating the crap out of Gollum in the third “Lord of the Rings” movie. But with a goofier looking bad guy, of course.
Anton Chigurh, No Country For Old Men
Ok, so I've never been considered original (sorry Blaine...)
Remorseless, unstoppable, and damn near magical, Javier Bardem’s ghostlike hitman was so damn convincing, I sat in the theater assuring myself that the golden ticket from “Last Action Hero” was real and that Chigurh was definitely going to step out of the screen and murder me. I came away from this film vowing to never pick up a sack of money, use a take-a-penny at a convenience store, accept a Christmas gift, read a magazine at a doctor’s office, or enjoy a sunset, fully convinced that any such actions would result in my being imminently brained by a wacky, air-powered Super Soaker. Maybe George Wendt could protect me?
Kathryn Merteuil, Cruel Intentions
Ok...I now this is a pretty pathetic offering to end with, but what's better than an evil, bored, stuck up bitch who likes to ruin people's lives for fun and deflower virgins for sport? Survey says: Nothing. She is the ultimate bitch. Extra Credit for line delivery: "I wanna f*ck!"
FYI...this flick was released in 1999 and I still have a boner.
Honorable Mention
HAL 9000 - (bested me again Mr. Morris...)
Amon Goeth - Schindler's List
Eve Harrington - All About Eve
Tony Perkis - Heavy Weights
Frank Lucas, American Gangster
Wearing the title of “American Gangster,” Mr. Washington had some big shoes to fill, but after slapping on his period-piece-ass hairstyle and scrawling “I will not just reprise my role in ‘Training Day’” onto a blackboard a thousand times, Denzel turned Frank Lucas into one of the most sympathetic big-house-buying heroin kingpins this side of 80’s Mötley Crüe. He doesn’t kill many innocent people, and he never shivs his grandmother with one of his heroin needles, but for a former Sexiest Man Alive, Washington makes a pretty damn good villain. Almost as good as Harry Hamlin, even.
Billy Mitchell, The King of Kong
Has there ever been a more intense scene in a documentary than when Hotsauce McMullet strolled into the Funspot Arcade and refused to make eye contact with Steve Weibe? Before you name a bunch of documentary scenes that definitely were, I’ll answer for you: NO. Whenever I watch documentaries, I’m always intentionally cognizant of the filmmaker’s bias (they totally made those Enron guys look like criminals!) but there was simply no way anyone could come out of this movie and say anything other than the literal sentence, “Man, Billy Mitchell really seems like a douche.”
Ben Linus, Lost
If Michael Emerson offered me a glass of water, I’m pretty sure I’d psychologically tear myself to pieces wondering whether or not to accept it. Still, just when I was beginning to believe that Ben’s cryptic, bug-eyed advice might have been for a greater good, I was treated with a flashback of Ben murdering his father with poison gas because he just daggum couldn’t remember Lil’ Benny’s birthday. Jack’s cathartic pummeling of Ben in the Season 3 finale reminded me of Sam finally beating the crap out of Gollum in the third “Lord of the Rings” movie. But with a goofier looking bad guy, of course.
Anton Chigurh, No Country For Old Men
Ok, so I've never been considered original (sorry Blaine...)
Remorseless, unstoppable, and damn near magical, Javier Bardem’s ghostlike hitman was so damn convincing, I sat in the theater assuring myself that the golden ticket from “Last Action Hero” was real and that Chigurh was definitely going to step out of the screen and murder me. I came away from this film vowing to never pick up a sack of money, use a take-a-penny at a convenience store, accept a Christmas gift, read a magazine at a doctor’s office, or enjoy a sunset, fully convinced that any such actions would result in my being imminently brained by a wacky, air-powered Super Soaker. Maybe George Wendt could protect me?
Kathryn Merteuil, Cruel Intentions
Ok...I now this is a pretty pathetic offering to end with, but what's better than an evil, bored, stuck up bitch who likes to ruin people's lives for fun and deflower virgins for sport? Survey says: Nothing. She is the ultimate bitch. Extra Credit for line delivery: "I wanna f*ck!"
FYI...this flick was released in 1999 and I still have a boner.
Honorable Mention
HAL 9000 - (bested me again Mr. Morris...)
Amon Goeth - Schindler's List
Eve Harrington - All About Eve
Tony Perkis - Heavy Weights
Mini-List #2 - The Judds' Girls Night Out Covers
Because I am incapable of making an actual list, I have invented the mini-list: lists with three items or less. CLEVER HUH??
On to the list.
My favorite covers of The Judds' Girls Night Out on YouTube:
#1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quiQDl0NldM
#2 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrCNfPDs_0M
#3 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7URlJueY_vY
On to the list.
My favorite covers of The Judds' Girls Night Out on YouTube:
#1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quiQDl0NldM
#2 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrCNfPDs_0M
#3 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7URlJueY_vY
my favorite movie villains
- Jamie Lee Curtis in *Mother's Boys*
- Macauley Culkin in *The Good Son*
- The shark in *Deep Blue Sea*
- Timothy Olyphant in *Die Hard 4*
- Rebecca Demornay in *The Hand that Rocks the Cradle*
there are more -- who are they?
RE: "EW greatest villains? Puh-lease"
I was going to add a comment to Jon's post, but I think there is a word limit on comments, and I am going to say too much. I lose editing abilities at 3am. First of all, Jon, you are correct it is busy times at the P-dub. I am not sure where QT is, but I think he has a meeting tomorrow that I was supposed to help with and totally neglected. Sorry about that, QT.
So here are some thoughts I have on the villains.
In the magazine, Stephen King gives his take (http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20268412,00.html). Jon, you'll like that Dracula is Stephen King's number one. I would steal some characters from his list -- namely...
Human:
And my personal #1 --
So here are some thoughts I have on the villains.
In the magazine, Stephen King gives his take (http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20268412,00.html). Jon, you'll like that Dracula is Stephen King's number one. I would steal some characters from his list -- namely...
- Anton Chigurh, NCFOM -- He's got to be near the top because 1) he basically represents evil, so he's all-encompassing (2) he is unaffected by emotion (your problem with Darth Vader) and is driven by his own cold logic (3) he has catchphrases and a signature look (!) and (4) SPOILER ALERT he stays both evil and alive.
- Sauron, LOTR -- Just fuckin scary.
- Harry Powell, NOTH -- This guy, like Chigurh, has no emotion. Plus he's dressed like a Reverend, he's hot, he whistles, he rides his horse against that ominous horizon, and he is after an old lady and some kids. Hard to top that.
Human:
- Uncle Charlie in *Shadow of a Doubt* - People borrow the phrase the "banality of evil" to talk about one of Hitchcock's big themes. Uncle Charlie nails it.
- Mrs. Iselin *The Manchurian Candidate* - The Cold War's Lady Macbeth. Bonus points for manipulation -- she never does the dirty work. (For what it's worth, I really think Angela Lansbury's performance is one of the top five best ever).
- Noah Cross *Chinatown* - Mrs. Iselin's perfect match. XOX
- Christine -- I feel like you've got to have a Stephen King character, and while I'm torn between Annie Wilkes, that It clown, and Cujo, I pick Christine because (1) I am afraid of crazy bitches with whom you can not reason and (2) because she is the heaviest.
- HAL 9000 in *2001* - Christine + Anton Chigurh = HAL
- General Zod -- Way less funny than Lex Luthor. Bonus points for his buddies.
- Ming the Merciless -- Thinks Earth is a toy, sends his own daugther to the boreworms for (understandably) being horny for Flash Gordon, brainwashes a doctor, almost? rapes a journalist, and (obviously) shows no mercy. Does it all to theme music by Queen.
- Bureaucracy - *Brazil* - Probably the scariest of them all.
And my personal #1 --
- Mr. Dark, the leader of the carnival in *Something Wicked This Way Comes* -- He's the complete package for me. Pure evil -- and talk about banal -a carnival in the Midwest for crying out loud. Goes after kids. No mercy. Ruins you afterlife, too. No one will ever haunt (or inspire) nightmares for me like that guy did. It's not possible.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
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